More on Stopping Iran

I had something to add to yesterday’s post about giving Iran warheads filled with face eating squirrels. Once the squirrels come out of the warheads and eat all the scientists’ faces, this would be a good statement for America to make: “Ends up the nuclear war heads didn’t work, and Iran’s scientists were unable to save face.”

Also, someone was wondering how you can train squirrels. Training squirrels is a lot like training cats — you have to find something they like to do and simply train them to do it on command. Luckily, all squirrels like eating human faces.

Finally, a reader suggested instead filling the warheads with money. Then, when Iran launches them at the Jews, they just end up funding them. I think that’s an excellent idea, and as long as we’re throwing hundreds of billions around on stupid crap, it won’t really make a difference to fill up a few warheads with barrels of money.

7 Comments

  1. “Ends up the nuclear war heads didn’t work, and Iran’s scientists were unable to save face.”

    Oh the humanity! Think of the poor sqirrels trying to keep the face in their chubby little cheeks, and not being able to save them.
    We must tell present hussein that we need an immediate 2 trillion dollars for a squirrel bailout, or the nukes will not have any squirrels in them.

  2. Instead of squirrels why not go ahead and make Ashley Judd happy and use Alaskan Wolves.
    That way we can make Ashley shut up about Sarah Palin shooting the poor wolves from airplanes.
    Wolves are more like dogs and are easily trained; they already love human flesh and could eat more than just their faces.
    And Since Sarah Palin is shooting them from airplanes, they must need to be relocated to SAVE them and their poor little puppies.

  3. Count Porkula has solved the problem of poverty by putting his wife on the cover of Vogue to give something for poor people to look at.

    I think he could solve the problem of Iran by disarming America via the detonation of our nukes on our own soil. And putting his wife on the cover of Vogue to give us something to shield ourselves from fallout.

  4. No…no…no. Wolves won’t work. The wolfen density calcualtions of warheads filled with fanged wolfies, relative to the LOX fuel requirements for the MIRV’d missles, just doesn’t make sense.

    I am over the inherent barbarism of face-eating squirrels, and I am now getting on board. The collateral damage potential of rabid, face-eating squirrels is just too good. All we need to do is provision them with little goggles…their G-Lock tolerances are very high, and can therefore survive the re-entry G-forces of 140 G’s or more……no problem. Then the war heads MIRV…and release the squirrels at 15,000 feet with their little parachutes.

    Can you imagine the sheer terror of looking up and seeing 50,000 paratrooper, rabid squirrels, chomping their little teeth, mean as nuns in a Catholic elementary school, as they settle to the ground? Oh lord…the humanity.

    Let’s get this done!

  5. Well, Peel, If I didn’t puke my internal organs out due to the radiation poisoning, seeing the First Pit Bull (oops,I mean Lady) on the cover of anything would make it happen for me. Either way, my intestines are going to end up on the sidewalk.

    How did Michelle and Barack meet anyway? Saw her at the Kennel and couldn’t just leave her there? Woof.

  6. If, instead of squirrels, you filled the nuclear warheads with the Dixie Chicks, then the Iranians would just leave, and there wouldn’t be any more Iranians…problem solved. No one can clear a room like the Dixie Chicks.

  7. Well now Son of Bob, if you’re gonna go to the trouble of stuffing warheads with the Dixie Chicks, why not all celebutards? Or just all Liberals, famous or not? Get rid of them all, and Iran, in one fell swoop.

    We could take the cap off the warhead and lay each on its side. Then put a sign on each one saying “get your free stuff here from Uncle Obeyme”. When they go in, screw the cap on and launch.

    Then the extra wolves could eat all the extra squirrels, before Sarah takes care of the former.

    NOW the problem is solved. 😉

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