The idea of balancing a budget makes Vice President Biden so enraged he wants to strangle people — figure of speech, he says, though. I guess he and Spencer Ackerman are going to rhetorically strangle and put people through plate glass windows.
Anyway, don’t tell Biden about balancing the budget — it makes him angry. The Democrats know perfectly well how to balance the budget, but they just really don’t want to. Instead, they’d like to pointlessly spend trillions of dollars. So stop pestering them about it. Or they’ll murder you. Rhetorically.
So is violent speech now okay as long you add some qualifier to the end? If so, I have a bunch of great lines I want to use in the political arena.
“I will kidnap you and put you in the trunk of a car, drive it out into the desert, set it on fire, and watch as you scream and try to escape. Figure of speech.”
“I’m going to break into your house and murder your pets. Rhetorically.”
“I’m going to put my hands around your throat and squeeze until you stop moving forever. Not literally.”
“I’m going to drug you, tie you down, break all your limbs, and then drag you out so far into a forest that only the wolves will ever find you. Debate-wise, I mean.”
“I’ll tear you apart and put each of the bloody pieces in waterproof duffel bags. With words, of course.”
“I’m going to grab an ice pick and go to town on your face until the police wrestle me to the ground and drag me off to an insane asylum. And by ice pick, I mean facts. And by face, I mean your arguments. And by police wrestling me to the ground and dragging me off to the insane asylum, I mean… I’m not sure on that one.”
“I’m going to use logic and reason to counter the points you’ve been making. With sharp knives!”
Whoops. Got confused on that last one.
“I’m going to make you listen to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. That doesn’t sound violent, but it really is.”
@Marko,
I agree with you, however, democrats LIKE Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift…and Lady Gaga.
I’m going to ritualistically murder everyone in your family while you watch, metaphorically.
I’m going to vote straight Republican this November….and I don’t mean just rhetorically.
@Marko and @Son o’ Bob: I saw a 20-ish year old dude with the Bieber cut yesterday. It was frightening enough. To wit…
“I’m going to get a really, really sharp pair of scissors and cut your no good, mangy hair into a Bieber, figuratively speaking, of course.”
“I’m gonna replace your coffee with Folger’s decaf, metaphorically speaking, that is.”
“I’m going to give you the 220V AC to the nads every time you say the word Bush, whether you are referring to a hedge, president or otherwise, not literally, of course.”
“I will inform the Great Landlord that you have disparaged him on multiple occasions, but who’s kiddin’ whom? I wouldn’t do that, of course.”
“I will emblazon your forehead with a jail house tattoo of the word Socialist, but I don’t really mean it, of course.”
“I’m going to fire your butt and replace you with someone who can do the job…errr…wait a minute…I d*mn well mean it.”
” I’ll superglue a bucket on your head, rhetorically speaking.”
” I’ll knock that predisential seal right off of your podium, metaphorically.”
” I’ll have Plugs Biden plug you, in a manor of speaking.”
“I’m going to shoot you in the head if you don’t hand me the money. With a squirt gun, silly!”
I’m going to see you thrown into San Quentin with “I hate spics” tatooed” on your forehead, metaphorically of course!
I’m going to kick you in the nads with my super pointy cowboy boots, in my dreams only of course.
You are going to be forced to spend the night with Barney Frank and his friends strapped to the “special table”, just wishing of course.
You will be forced to spend a week on vacation with the Obama’s, where you can golf with The One and carry on many interesting conversations with Michelle, just hoping
You will be branded on your face (Congressman), and shall have your law license and all congressional perks including your campaign cash and retirement benefits stripped from you. We will hang signs on you so that they can be ripped off your chest one by one. You will then be sent into the world to get a job like the rest of us with Congressman on your forehead, which is worse than a yellow streak tatooed down your back…on second thought…
When I hear liberals whine about how evil and violent conservatives are it makes we want to donkey punch them…as a rhetorical device.
I think USSJimmah is onto something:
“I will make you get a job. A real job. I mean it. Try me.”
“I’ll tell Thunder Biceps that you’ve been cheating on her. Just messin’ with ya.”
“I’ll replace your Preparation H with Vick’s Vapo-Rub and hide all the TP. Just foolin’.”
“I’ll hang you from a meat hook — by your underwear. Nah, who could do such a thing?”
“I’ll kidnap TOTUS.”
I’ve got a bomb in my carry-on, all you hard(ly)-working TSA peoples. Ha! Just kidding.
If I were Biden, I’d just keep on saying ridiculous things, to find out if there’s ever a point at which he crosses such a line that people will no longer want to impeach Obama.
And I’m all for it. It’d be one thing if we impeach Obama to replace him with a sensible elder statesman. But if we impeach him for a buffoon who prances around the White House nude, carries out animal sacrifices on Capitol Hill, and spends a year impersonating Joaquin Phoenix… that makes Obama look pretty bad, doesn’t it?
Demon-rats the party of violence. How long before people wise up to this? Either they want to enslave you or kill you, doesn’t make much difference to them. The end result is the same, they get to do whatever they want, you get nothing………..not even the scraps.
I would say the only good Demon-rat is a dead Demon-rat -rhetorically, but the Obama Civilian Military wing of the Black Panthers will be knocking at my door momentarily so …………….got’a go.
With a figure of rhetorical speech splitting infinitives, your participles will be left dangling.
I will run you over in my Trans Am …of words
I’ll ____ off your ____ and ____ down your _____, rhetorically.
Why does this post make me think it was ripped screaming from RedEye?
I know it wasn’t, just the same mindset and writing pattern. Stop channeling Gutfeld, get that stuff on ya it never comes out.