The Newsroom is like my mom, because it's over-earnest and it only finds out about news stories two years after they happen.

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) July 15, 2013

As a society, we've done so well on race that the race hustlers have to attack whitey by pointing to cases that involve 0 white people.

— L K (@OrwellForce) July 15, 2013

Upping my "how was your weekend?" game by bringing a giraffe in a leather jacket with me to the office this fine morning.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) July 15, 2013

Joe Biden walks nervously into the grocery store by himself for the first time He asks the clerk, "where are the snowman noses?"

— michael (@michaeljhudson) July 15, 2013

The worst thing about this trend of girls wearing big giant sunglasses is that I’ve become sexually attracted to wasps.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 15, 2013

I get why people dislike profiling, but if you see a Governor of Illinois in your neighborhood, you should dial 911.

— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) July 15, 2013

It's almost as if some Americans didn't take the true message of Sharknado to heart.

— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) July 16, 2013

pillows need to be stored above for safety. would hate for a pillow to come crashing into my face.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 16, 2013