At the Rand Corporation christmas party, analysts watch feeds of other christmas parties in intense silence.
— Greg Boo-uns Mills (@Bosko_DePompo) October 21, 2013
Who's keeping you from your free unicorns? SABOTEURS.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 21, 2013
FAIL is just a word for things we do together.
— Mary Katharine Ham (@mkhammer) October 21, 2013
Rooting for either team in a Red Sox/Cardinals World Series would be like rooting for the stool in Million Dollar Baby.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) October 21, 2013
A liberal is someone who stands athwart reality, yelling stop.
— Rep. Steve Stockman (@SteveWorks4You) October 21, 2013
Polygamy is actually good because there are 1000's of women who love wearing full length denim skirts but only 8 guys who want to marry them
— MattyTalks (@mattytalks) October 21, 2013
It’s just weird how we eat chickens and cows but the minute you eat a butterfly's wings you’re a monster
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) October 21, 2013
Fact: 90% of the current prison population chose Oddjob as their Goldeneye character. Really makes you think.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) October 21, 2013
Taco Bell should have had a Fifth Estate promotion. "you wont be able to stop the leaks with our tasty Fifth Estate crunchwrap supreme"
— Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 21, 2013
"God made us in his image," Jesus said, closing his bible. "The ultimate selfie."
— tony r (@crylenol) October 21, 2013
After all these years, I finally understand that Frank loves one-liners the most.
In the beginning God created stuff because he just couldn’t be directly responsible for something called Twitter.