38 Comments

  1. “the key to life is…keep your eye on the ball, keep your ear to the ground, keep your nose to the grindstone, keep your finger in the wind, keep your shoulder to the wheel, keep a leg on each side and your mind in the middle…everyone will think you are playing ‘twister’ and not expect anything else out of you.

  2. …using pi to measure her ass.

    …setting up a relay tower on each butt cheek for Secret Service communications.

    …”splurging, for you if you don’t know what the definition of splurging is, while I go out and spend unbelievable amounts of taxpayer money on extravagant purchases for myself”.

    …spending it before they steal it back.

    …is getting through that awkward being aborted phase and then be not dead for a while.

  3. … letting the Wookie win, of course.

    … summed up by that Rudyard Kipling quote, “If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs. . . ” And I mean that literally.

    … “Never make a pretty woman your wife; So for my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.”

    …. Up, Up, Down, A, A, B.

  4. … surrendering your law license with as little fanfare as possible, then having all records of the disbarment sealed.

    … entitlement perks by way of voter fraud.

    … the press taking an eight year vacation from real reporting.

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