Whether to tell the truth when it hurts your electoral chances is a Hard Choice.

— Patterico (@Patterico) July 1, 2014

It's important when you play a Maroon 5 song to tell the listeners that it is NOT the exact same song as before, it is a NEW Maroon 5 song.

— American Zero (@Patheticist) July 1, 2014

Don't throw up bathwater on the baby

— donni (@donni) July 1, 2014

*Pulls out T-shirt cannon* "Time to die you shirtless bastards"!

— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 1, 2014

This morning, a bully came up behind me, mashed my hands against my keyboard, and taunted: "Stop Googling yourself! Stop Googling yourself!"

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 1, 2014

*sees a guy with his wallet in his left back pocket* that guy has some serious issues

— slick (@fanofhell) July 1, 2014

GO USA! DESTROY BELGIUM! I'm neutral on the soccer game, though.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) July 1, 2014

If the most horrific thing to ever happen in your life is paying for your own birth control, you should quit your damn whining.

— J.R. Salzman (@jrsalzman) July 1, 2014

"There's no 'u' in 'favorite'" – coach telling his British son that he prefers his American son

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 1, 2014

Tim Howard has done more for the United States than Obama has

— The Soccer Life (@SoccerIssues) July 1, 2014