"Ok, everyone here? Where's Stevens?"
"The hyenas, sir… they got him"
"….ok you mean like he's dead or like he's 'one of them' now?"
— Xzibit (@notxzibit) September 3, 2014
What separates man from the animals? Often, it’s just a simple fence. Hop over it and bingo! Free animals.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) September 3, 2014
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes
— Squatchy (@Purpell_Nurpell) September 3, 2014
Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk.
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) September 3, 2014
I used to think puns were the lowest form of humor, but now I know it's making fun of typos.
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) September 4, 2014
Sometimes when I listen to Miles Davis I think I'm hearing Charlie Brown's teacher having a panic attack
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 4, 2014