Well, as usual, the State of the Union speech was in Progressive code language, and my frontal lobe is too advanced to understand that code, so my man in State got me a version translated into words I can understand.  Here is what Obama really meant to say during the speech. Actually, I just couldn’t take listening to that simp bloviate for an hour, so instead I spent the evening:

• eating bacon, $2.99
• watching American Sniper, $12.50
• being eternally grateful every moment that I wasn’t listening to that speech, priceless