Archive of entries posted on December 2017

Link of the Day: #12 Brass Knuckles for Hippie-Punching – Fer or Agin?

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[High Praise! to Townhall]

11 Things Every Real Conservative Should Ask On A First Date

I can’t remember who told me about this article. If it was you, pipe up in the comments.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

19 Fun Facts About Christmas

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(from 2012)

  • The beloved holiday icon Santa Claus originally wore a green outfit, which he changed to red after joining the Communist Party.
     
  • Christmas specials which show Santa’s workshop at the North pole often include penguins. This is factually incorrect, since penguins are native to the SOUTH pole, where, coincidentally, Santa’s evil twin brother Satan Claus has HIS workshop.
     
  • He mostly makes fruitcakes – the most concentrated form of evil known to man.
     
  • Tree decorating originated with tree-worshiping Druids, whose modern descendants mostly just whine about globalization and throw garbage cans through windows at Starbucks.
     
  • If an elf bites you, you become one.
     
  • Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Jews celebrate Hanukkah, which commemorates some magic oil that burned for 8 days. Oddly, this is not the same “OIIIIIILLLLL!” that the Iraq war was “all about”.
     
  • The majority of terrorists don’t celebrate Christmas, either. Mostly because they’ve been killed by Americans.
     
  • Rastafarians celebrate Christmas by smoking marijuana on Christmas Day.
     
  • And every other day.
     
  • Santa’s sleigh is pulled by reindeer, which are just like regular deer, except somewhat larger and thus more likely to collapse the roof of your car after they bounce off your hood.
     
  • Santa’s reindeer can also fly, probably because they’re Rastafarians.
     
  • The French celebrate Christmas by decorating trees and surrendering to them.
     
  • The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe originated to allow married men to make out with their mistresses at office parties, and survives today despite the invention of the broom closet.
     
  • A “Christmas Club” is a savings account in which a person deposits a fixed amount of money regularly to be used at Christmas for shopping. It’s also a stick used to beat up Salvation Army bell-ringers so you can steal their kettles.
     
  • The Friday after Thanksgiving is the second busiest shopping day of the year. The busiest is “Thank Goodness Gas Stations Sell Roses Day”, AKA “Valentine’s Day”.
     
  • Before settling on the name “Tiny Tim” for the character’s name in “A Christmas Carol”, Charles Dickens also considered such names as Feeble Frank, Crippled Carl, Defective Dan, Hobbling Harry, and Mutilated Marvin.
     
  • Eggnog is a traditional holiday beverage made from eggs and named after the sound people make after having one too many of them.
     
  • Christmas was once a moveable feast celebrated at many different times during the year. The choice of December 25 was made by Pope Julius I in the 4th century A.D. so that he could get the day off to go skiing.
     
  • Some families open their presents on Christmas Eve. Some families open their presents on Christmas morning. This or slavery was the cause of the Civil War.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get the roof of my car replaced.

Christmas 2017

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The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2

  1. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
  2. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  3. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  4. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  5. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  6. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  7. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  8. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  9. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  10. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  11. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
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