
“Billionaires and trillionaires are everywhere! They have wallets full of money THIS big!”
“Millionaires are fine, hard-working folk who deserve to keep every penny they earn,” said Sanders, pausing to comb his hair by standing over a subway grate like a homely, socialist version of Marilyn’s dress. “It’s America’s heartless, selfish, corrupt, avaricious billionaires and trillionaires who are destroying this country by refusing to pay their fair share.”
“It’s simple math,” Sanders said. “America’s current national debt is $22 trillion. If properly taxed, America’s top 22 trillionaires could pay that off all by themselves. Why we haven’t made them do that yet is beyond me.”
“Also,” Sanders continued, “the federal government spends half a billion dollars an hour. That’s all. America doesn’t need any billionaires. Half of one would be enough to keep our country running. Simple math! When I’m president, we’ll make government more efficient by cutting billionaires in half.”
When asked what would happen after America ran out of billionaires to cut in half, Sanders said he had a plan for that.
“As Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently pointed out, it’s simple math: offer Amazon a $3 billion tax break to build a new HQ, chase them out of town, then BOOM! That gives you 3 billion smackers to spend on something else. Math!”
Sanders’ calculator could not be reached for comment, having recently hung itself in despair.
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(Cue Homer Simpson Trac): Hehehe … Maaath!
That’s not math they’re relying on, but FM.
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