By God, I hope she was over 18 in 1927. It’s hard to tell with their fashions back then.

However, I think the statute of limitations has run out.

Curves she’s got. Bud Light spokesmen never will.

SWORN TESTIMONY: FBI Trained Men to Kidnap MI Gov. Gretchen Whitmer
National File | Sep 1, 2023 | by Frankie Stockes

Sworn FBI testimony in the trial of the men accused of plotting to kidnap Michigan Democrat Governor Gretchen Whitmer has revealed that the FBI played such an integral role in hatching the alleged plot that they even trained the men to kidnap the Governor.

An undercover FBI informant trained men to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer, according to the sworn testimony of FBI agent Henrick Impola, which came as part of the ongoing trial of three men who are accused, along with eleven others, of plotting to kidnap the Michigan Governor.

The alleged plot to kidnap Whitmer was “busted” less than a month ahead of the 2020 Presidential Election, and instantly became a favorite piece of media cannon fodder for use in attacking the Trump campaign and the America First movement, who media and Democrats alike attempted to link to the situation.

Buzzfeed News reported as far back as 2021 that FBI informant Dan Chappel drove members of the “Wolverine Watchmen” militia group, along with 6,000 rounds of ammunition, to Cambria, Wisconsin for a training exercise. That exercise was organized by yet another FBI informant named Stephen Robeson.

What’s more, is that to drive the men to Wisconsin, Chappel rented a suburban and paid for gas, food, and lodging with FBI funds.

“Hey, fellow Moon Nukers, let’s engage in a crime. My friend here, in the very dark sunglasses, will provide all the funds and the training. And a nice buffet.”

I bought a Norelco rechargeable razor three years ago.

Truth be told, I wasn’t looking to impress ladies — but if they chose to take their clothes off for me for saving the environment, that’s OK. I just wanted the convenience of walking around the room shaving and reading IMAO.

Well, it turns out that those rechargeable batteries hold a shorter and shorter charge as time goes on! A recharge that used to last for days now lasts for only hours. And I look like Dr. House.

I don’t know how much resale value my electric razor has now. (Of course, I don’t know how much it ever would have had.)

I don’t even know if I’m allowed to send the damn dead toxic thing to a landfill.

But, I’m looking to buy an electric vehicle. Any suggestions?

Massive Emergency Alert Test Will Sound Aarms on US Cellphones, TVs and Radios in October
MSN | 8-26-23

On Wednesday, October 4 at 2:20 p.m. ET, every TV, radio and cellphone in the United States should blare out the distinctive, jarring electronic warning tone of an emergency alert, accompanied by a notice along these lines:

“This is a nationwide test of the Emergency Alert System, issued by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, covering the United States from 14:20 to 14:50 hours ET. This is only a test. No action is required by the public.”

Be on your toes, ladies and gentelmen.

Tonight I got — almost three within one minute — very authentic-looking emails from websites that purported to be from:

Dick’s Sporting Goods

Autozone

Apple

. . . the first two offering me free prizes in gratitude for having visiting their sites, and the third threatening to cut me off forever from their service unless I re-verified my info. I have never done business with any of these companies.

No matter how authentic the website looks, be like Oppo: I usually say “Up Yours, Troll!” to messages from IMAO. Drives Basil crazy. If an intern of ours ever asks for your credit card info to buy a sexy yellow dress in order to greet you, carefully weigh the possible costs vs. benefits.

Remember, he was the guy who said this was a “pandemic of the unvaxxed.”

First Lady “Dr.” Jill Biden Tests Negative for Covid-19
MSN | September 6, 2023 | Donald Judd, Arlette Saenz, Betsy Klein, and Piper Hudspeth Blackburn (FOUR?)

First lady “Dr.” Jill Biden has tested negative for Covid-19, the White House announced Thursday.

The first lady, 72, has been isolating in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, since Monday evening, when she first tested positive for Covid-19.

Quick turnaround.

Double Vaxxed and Double Boosted Jill Biden Tests Positive for COVID–Again
Gateway Pundit | 9-4-23 | Kristinn Taylor

The White House announced Monday evening that Jill Biden has tested positive for COVID-19 while on vacation in Delaware and is “experiencing only mild symptoms.” Jill Biden is double-vaxxed and twice boosted. Jill previously tested positive in August 2022 and again that month in a rebound case after treatment with Paxlovid. Jill’s case comes as a new wave of COVID hysteria has started with the emergence of a new variant (Pirola).

A follow-up statement by White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said Joe Biden tested negative for COVID Monday evening.

Note that this is Series K, Crate 215

Only, my dog wasn’t named Rover.

Pixel Valhalla
Postcards from Barsoom | 21 Aug 2023 | Jon Carter

When moderns think of the afterlife, if they believe in it at all, they tend to imagine the Great Retirement Village in the Sky. It’s a pleasant grassy field next to a placid lake, where it’s always mid-September, rain never falls from the fluffy white clouds, and the sun is always warm but never hot. Waiting on the shore are Grandmama, Uncle Albert, and Rover, who you haven’t seen since he got hit by a car when you were eight but is of course present because as everyone knows, unlike people, all dogs go to Heaven. Getting into Heaven isn’t hard. You don’t have to believe in God or do anything strenuous, you just have to be sufficiently nice. Maybe there’s a Hell, which isn’t very nice, but only serial killers and Hitler end up there. So long as you’re a pleasant person you don’t have to worry about damnation, anyhow. You’ll go to the good place, and once you’re in, you’ll spend eternity padding around and making chit-chat about old times.

Like something out of a Quentin Tarantino Movie.

The Crystals – He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

He hit me but it didn’t hurt me

He couldn’t stand to hear me say

That I’d been with someone new

And when I told him I had been untrue

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

He hit me and I knew he loved me

If he didn’t care for me

I could have never made him mad

But he hit me and I was glad

Yes, he hit me and it felt like a kiss

He hit me and I knew I loved him

And then he took me in his arms

With all the tenderness there is

And when he kissed me, he made me his

I know who ours is.