Well, this set-up (the Scientific American one) had pretty funny results last time around, so I thought: “What the heck? Let’s try it again but tweak it!”
My entries:
“The president came back for a second nibble and my parents just laughed!”
“The media made my guy go from Goofus to Gallant as soon as they determined his race and party”

“Dear ‘Weekly Reader’: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me, But…”
I can’t find anything that rhymes with..
‘There’s a tear in my margarita.’
and one in my fajita.
“Dear ‘Weekly Reader’: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me, But…”
The principal was more upset by the embroidery snake on my backpack than the real one inside.”
Dear ‘Weekly Reader’: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me, But…
…my two headed goat is now channeling the spirit of Joe Biden.
Or it’s making a bunch of meaningless gib erish sounds, it’s impossible to tell the difference.
Or….just make some Goats Head Soup, Jamaican style. It’s delicious.
Hey, I have enough for two servings.
Dear ‘Weekly Reader’: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me, But…
…Hillary Clinton has information that could land me in prison.
That’s infinitely better than you having information that would send Hilary to prison.
I secured a federal grant to create a species of world ending super psychic ants, as we do, but you’ll never believe what happened. After years of genetic engineering and astrospectral training we finally managed to build a super race of mind reading red ants. They could instantly use their minds beams to turn any average American into a faithful communist worker.
Then COVID comes along, global warming comes along, trans activists come along, and now not a single person wants to follow the psi-ants
Seems you should’ve had more taller-ants.
“…I had an old teacher from Austria, which is a small nation in Europe, surrounded by slightly larger nations, but who came together in common purpose… anyway, he wrote on the blackboard three overlapping circles and said, “Venn circle A represents all women, circle B represents all Black peoples, and circle C represents everyone who had an intimate relationship with Willie Brown, zen this teeny space indicates the Vice President that Joe Biden will be forced to choose in order to satisfy his rabid progressive base.” And that’s when I fell in love with “Venn” diagrams, even though math is involved…” – Kamala Harris
“…my teacher says I may be a girl but I’m pretty sure I’m a boy. Anyway that what mom & dad and Kindergarten Cop tell me.
Please advise,
Confused in 2nd Grade”
“My teacher says I may be a boy but I’m pretty.
Please advise,
Confused’s Sister”
I suggest newer prescription glasses
Dear ‘Weekly Reader’: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me, But…
if I did I would not have had that fourth fish taco.