HuffPo’s Jennifer Kushell has written one of those quaint, bleeding-heart wish-pieces titled “Ten Good Things Paris Hilton Can Do In Prison“.
How cute.
Sadly, though, we all know Paris isn’t going to change, so I think it’d be more appropriate to speculate on the
TEN STUPID THINGS PARIS HILTON WILL DO AFTER SHE GETS OUT OF PRISON
1) Put her newly-perfected shank-wielding skills to good use during a knife fight with Lindsay Lohan.
2) Lose a fortune trying to sell her new line of designer orange jumpsuits.
3) Adopt a baby with her new “special friend” Joquanda “Fisty” Jackson.
4) Start bragging about the tunnel she made behind the Raquel Welch poster in her cell.
5) Get kicked out of Victoria’s Secret for trying to pay for her purchases with cigarettes.
6) Embarrass herself at the Cabana Club by continually yelling “Shakin’ the bush, boss!” from the ladies’ room.
7) Launch a new perfume called “Cavity Search”.
8) Get matching “P-A-R-I-S” tattooed across fingers of her right hand.
9) Reject slave name and finish process of legally becoming “Paris X”.
10) Realize how many doors have become closed to her as an ex-con, say “screw it”, and embark on a multi-state armed robbery spree that ends with her getting taken down in a hail of bullets on national TV.
I’m sorta rooting for that last one, but then again, I also really dread the thought of Jennifer Kushell’s “Ten Wonderful Things We’ll Miss About Paris Hilton” post.
Dangit- I was looking for the Fred Thompson Fact o’ the Day. Guess I’ll have to stop by later.
I think it’s notable that she’s not in actual prison; she’s in county lock up. The initial conditions there are horrible, but she can exist for the time being without being traded out for smokes or oral sex for a little while…if she knows how to play the “Guard Game”.
While she’s in the little big house she can add to the things she could do while she’s there by packing her anal & vaginal regions with crushed glass so “it” doesn’t happen again. After her release, she could do a remix of “Hard Knock Life” featuring Joey Bonaducci & Ashley Judd.
3) Adopt a baby with her new “special friend” Rosie “Fisty” O’Donnell.
**Does anyone else find it interesting that Hogzilla disappeared about the time that “Meet-me-in-Paris” was sentenced??