CHICAGO (AP) – After 20 years of membership in Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, where bashing whites was a weekly way of life, Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama announced that he was quitting Trinity and joining the Creativity Movement (formerly World Church of the Creator) in order to give equal time toward hating the black side of his heritage.
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“After listening to ministers in my church spew hatred and racism against whites for the last 20 years,” said Obama in a recent press release, “I realized that I could not, in good conscience, continue to be associated with such an organization. This was a deeply personal decision, not based on political expediency. Except maybe a little, or possibly mostly.”
“Still,” continued Obama, “I realize that skipping church for a few weeks after 20 years of wallowing in anti-white racism is as feeble an act of atonement as Ted Kennedy giving a swimming lesson at the YMCA. Therefore I will balance all my previous hating of my mother’s side of the family by joining a church that hates the inferior mud-races of my father’s side.”
Speaking from prison, Creativity Movement Reverend Matt Hale praised Obama’s decision. “It’s good to see a presidential candidate embracing the white, white light of truth. Although some of his ancestors have tried to sully this fine nation with crack, rap, and Affirmative Action, we in the Creativity Movement will assist him in embracing his superior white nature, and promise to never burn more than half a cross on his lawn.”
Although some speculate that Obama will eventually throw the Creativity Movement under his campaign bus just as he’s done with other inconvenient friends, family, and campaign workers, Obama assured reporters in a statement that “I could no more disown Reverend Hale than I could disown working, hard-working Americans. White Americans.”
Woo hoo! Harvey is back! Hope your vacation was good.
“…Except maybe a little, or possibly mostly.”
Hehe.
Awesomeness, Harvey. I really hope Google news picks this up and a bunch of retards come here on accident – this will probably blow their little minds.
This reminds me of an episode of Chapelle’s show…
You know I started to read that website you linked to, and damn, you can’t make that kind of stuff up.
The one thing I can understand for the life of me is they keep talk white world this and that but then they complain about the Jews. Do they not know that most Jews are white?
Does this mean Jesus is white again?
OMG, Harvey is the absolute BEST at Newsish Fakery. This could run in the mainstream news before they realize it’s a joke.
Actually, NOT a joke…truth.
Sort of.
Great work again, Harvey
I just did this to keep Senator Byrd’s endorsement. I still hate you crackers with all of my half-black rage!
Dambit, Harvey is back. More proof there is a God. Oh well, Harvey ya just can’t help that, so welcome back, and as always in fine form.
Thanks for the ENORMOUS laugh Harvey!!!
It looks like the primaries are finally over, but Hillary Clinton hasn’t withdrawn from the race yet, while Obama says he’s the winner! Whom would you like to see as his running mate? Should it be Hillary herself? People Power Granny asks you to read my my post about this tonight and vote in my poll regarding if Hillary should be his running mate.