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  1. [A fiddle starts]

    ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

    {A fight breaks out. The fiddle starts again:}
    {Flute, drum, and guitar join in.}

    ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

    “Well, they love a fictional America
    The real one, not so much:
    Imaginary democracy
    Which they love overmuch.”

    “Their image of immigration
    Is as phony as a crutch;
    To solve the situation
    They’d rather we go Dutch.”

    {Bottles crash against the chicken-wire separating the band from the audience — in approbation, or else on probation. A would-be mime attempts to show how a Dutchman would stop a flood, and is suppressed.}

    “They move their wealth from town to town
    Not families, jobs, or such;
    They’re far too busy doubling down
    To learn to double-clutch.”

    {The sober nod. The drunks do the same. The remainder sing together, but not in unison:}

    “All these things, they drive us
    And!
    Don’t bother us too much:
    All of it will survive us
    But!
    Curse their reverse Midas touch!”

    ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

    {Last call}

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