You know how the old Batman TV show — and that 1966 movie — always had Batman pulling some obscure thing from his utility belt? Well, that was a thing long before the TV show.
Now, it’s your turn. What’s on your mind? Got something to share? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread.
Who wants to start?
In Florida, a man broke into a Wendy’s through a window, “fired up the grill and cooked himself a hamburger before stealing the safe.”
Not a criminal, just an undocumented hamburgrant.
[COLORFUL Marble 1v1 Race: Pearl vs Coral] (Viewer #3,961,028)
Part of me kept thinking “it’s just stupid marbles!” The rest of me got excited at every lead change.
[High Praise! to Paco Enterprises]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
(To the tune of Paul McCartney’s “Let ‘Em In”)
♫
Someone’s counting on the dull
Somebody’s slinging the bull
Someone’s counting on the dole
Somebody’s pulling the wool:
Dubious favors
Hopin’ that more
Will get ’em in.
Someone’s counting on the dull
Someone’s slinging the bull
Someone’s counting out the dole
Somebody’s pulling the wool:
“Dewey’s The Favorite!”
Poll ’em once more
Till they get in.
♫
Bunch of users
Babble on
March of losers
Marathon
“Uncool earnings!”
“Uncool debts!”
“Uncool learning!”
But you ain’t seen nothing yet . . .
♫
Someone’s knocking down reporters,
Someone’s rocking the boat
Some call in violent supporters
And call it rocking the vote.
Using Antifa
Give ’em the floor
For their chin.
♫
Reparations —
Babylon —
Separations —
But unisex johns.
Wadded panties —
Anti-Trump
Who’ll be favored
On the stump . . .
In a year . . . ?
♫
After being applauded for using tanks in his Independence Day parade, President Trump said he will use nukes to celebrate Christmas. He also mentioned that every day is Christmas in Iran.
The beauty of capitalism: because I’m tracked everywhere I go on the internet and Amazon sells my shopping data, I’m given ads that are completely applicable to my most recent shopping needs. Very convenient!
The downside: it feels like I’m Clint Eastwood in “Play Misty for Me”
Anyway, tell me about the ads you’re seeing on IMAO.
The key to racial harmony? Unbearable tropical heat
Seth Brundle, a brilliant but eccentric climate scientist, issued his findings after years of research into both racism and climate change. He said that “no one was more surprised than I” to find a direct connection between the two phenomenon.
“My eureka moment,” Brundle said, “was when I was listening to my grandparents prattle on about the civil rights protests in the 60s and about those ‘long hot summers’. Well, out of either boredom or curiosity, I looked at some global temperature charts and discovered that there was a definite temperature spike in 1964, the year the Civil Rights Act was passed. I dismissed it as coincidence, but it stayed in my head like a Mentos jingle.”
“Eventually,” continued Brundle, “I checked other dates in civil rights history, and every time, there was a spike. Brown v. Board of Education – spike. Rosa Parks sits in the front of the bus – spike. Obama elected President – half a spike. The connection was undeniable.”
Stathis Borans, a climate scientist who is 97% certain that Brundle is onto something, discussed the implications of the research findings.
“The good news,” said Borans, “is that global warming is curing actual racism. The bad news is that as real racism goes away, those in the race-grievance industry lose money and power. To compensate for this, grievance peddlers will have to market inconsequential, frictional, and incidental episodes of mild rudeness as actual, deliberate, oppressive racism. Sorta like how unscrupulous bartenders water down their whiskey.”
“But while real racism is easy to fix with temperature increases, it takes drastically more heat to burn out fake racism.” Borans said. “Basically the oceans will burst into flame before every microaggression is eliminated.”
A joint statement on the topic issued by the Congressional Black Caucus read simply “shut up and start idling your SUVs.”
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< Toy Story 4 Sparks Liberal Outrage Over Glorification Of Disposable Plastic Eating Utensils
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
France announced that they will now tax…
I’m doing it. I’m reading The Brothers Karamazov.
I usually take no more than 10 days to read a book, but I’m giving myself twice as long for The Brothers Karamazov. Light summer reading!
Every dentist office I’ve talked to seems confused about their being dental insurance on our medical insurance even though pediatric dental has been an Obamacare requirement for years (my sister has it and she doesn’t even have kids).
It’s fairly useless since it doesn’t kick in until you meet your medical deductible, but hey we did that this year thanks to the NICU in January.
What happens if some hate groups adopt the Nike swoosh as their symbol?
I hope the title of Trump’s parade is “Tank You for Your Service.”
I guess even more clever if it would be a parade of tanks from all the different wars and they called it “Tanks for the Memories.”
Republicans are going to get the monopoly on American flags and tanks and Democrats are going to get the monopoly on feeling bad about everything.
So what’s happened here? Betsy Ross once made the “OK” symbol with her hand?
I’m still having trouble buying this “the Betsy Ross American flag is racist!” is a real thing and not just a bad right-wing parody insinuating the left hate America.
With The Brothers Karamazov, everyone has this big two part name I have no idea how to pronounce that I just recognize by sight. Everyone also has a nickname which is used interchangeably to keep you on your toes. Still, 100 times easier to read and follow than The Silmarillion.
I’m reading the Constance Garnett translation, which is a very old and traditional one but I’m finding it quite readable.
We should plant the American flag on more things in space than the moon.
We can’t take American freedom for granted. We must constantly hunt down commies and nazis and imprison them in the Phantom Zone.
When they said Trump was going to have tanks, I assumed all of D.C. was going to be flooded with tanks, them rolling over cars as America-hating weenies fled in terror.
There’s not a better era or a better country to live in, you lucky people you.
I always mute instead of block. It’s hard to imagine someone doing something so bad I would deny them my tweets.
Arguably, Communism is worse than Nazism because after the Nazis murdered millions, people were like “This is a really bad thing” but after Communism murdered millions, lots of people are still like “This just needs a few more tweaks.”
It’s like we have a bunch of political raccoons rummaging through the 20th century’s trash.
Complaints about capitalism are always on the order of “This goose that lays the golden eggs bit my finger. Kill it!”
“Sure, I’m unimaginably wealthy compared to how I used to be, but my finger hurts. This is a complete failure of golden egg-ism.”
Why won’t Pelosi step aside and recognize that the future of her party is young, moronic antisemites?
Don’t you love politics? It’s all about rooting for the terrible to be able to stop terribler.
Stranger Things 3 definitely gets extra 80s points for adding a Soviet threat this time.
My infant eyes saw the last six months of the 70s, which means I’m part of the greatest (recent) generation, Gen X. We got a little angsty in the 90s, but other than that we’ve done nothing wrong and are pure and blameless.
I love Erica, the nerd-hating Commie-fighter. “Can’t spell America without Erica.” #StrangerThings3
I enjoyed the second season of Stranger Things, but it definitely made some missteps (I think the biggest was having Eleven be separate from everyone all season). The third season has been pure fun so far, though.
*our 3yo dumps Honey Nut Cheerios all over the counter and floor*
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just making me an hors d’oeuvre.”
*she notices our confusion*
“A snack is an hors d’oeuvre.”
This Bible verse made me laugh out loud today.
Proverbs 23:13 “Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.”
There’s a lot of hand wringing now about spanking, but the Bible is all like “Eh, it ain’t gonna kill him.”
Every day, Win grows more powerful.
Stranger Things 3 harkens back to when Americans were tougher and if a small town got invaded by Commies—like in Red Dawn—they just handled that themselves and didn’t feel the need to get the government involved.
Future generations will have technology and advantages we can’t even imagine that they’ll whine about and take for granted.
If someone from 200 hundred years ago suddenly got the life you have right now, he’d be more ecstatic than someone winning a hundred millions dollars. So can you be just a little bit happy about your good fortune?
I have a new novel out!
It’s called Hellbender. It’s more satirical than my previous novels. And @AXECOP made the cover. But it now. Only $4.99 for ebook (cheap). If you get the paperback, Amazon will give you the ebook free.
Trump is not mentioned in it. So if you’re like “I need more things to be all about Trump!” then I’m sorry; I have failed you.
What it does have is robots and katanas and Satan and explosions and a cube with bunnies on it — all quality story content that is lacking from the novel I’m currently reading, The Brothers Karamazov. So buy my novel now!
The dream is one day the American men win the World Cup and then like half of the U.S. is completely unaware of it.
The Brothers Karamazov is interesting, but the patronymics are starting to drive me a little crazy. It seems like such a cumbersome way to talk to each other. If there’s only one Dimitri in the room, you don’t have to keep saying “Dimitri Fyodorovich.”
Maybe I should try the patronymic thing. That would make me Frank Frankovich.
Stranger Things 2 wasn’t bad, it just was more of the same and didn’t have the specialness of the first season. Season 3 recaptured that charm, though. It was excellent.
And I completely forgot about The Neverending Story song. That used to be such an ear worm.
My fear was that when Eric Swalwell dropped out, two new candidates would enter the race making the Democratic primary like a hydra.
Just for fun, I wrote a free short story called “The Demon Capitalism.” It’s sort of an exploration of the Faustian bargain at the heart of capitalism from the perspective of a struggling, feudal-era farmer. Very intellectual.
Man, some people get angry when you make fun of soccer. It’s either that or ignore it. Making fun of it seems more respectful — it’s acknowledging it exists.
I wish a cat fight is where you threw angry cats at each other.
How could lots of people die from repealing Obamacare when there wasn’t some big drop in the death rate when it was enacted?
Asked if she would endorse former Vice President Joe Biden, Michelle Obama said “Barack and I are going to support whoever wins the primary.”
I think Joe just got thrown under that bus Kamala Harris keeps prattling on about.
