Monday Night Open Thread

Tomorrow’s the 50th anniversary of the launch of Apollo 11. If you were around at the time but didn’t care about Apollo 11, then you won’t really care about this. But, if you weren’t around here’s what it was like. Or, if you’re like me, you remember what it was like, but watching this will bring back some of the same feeling as when it happened live.


[The YouTube]

So what’s on your mind? Got something you want to talk about? It’s Monday Night Open Thread.

Who wants to start?

I Don’t Like It. Better Kill It

Alexandria Occasio Cortez said she wants to eliminate the Department of Homeland Security.

Let me guess… Someone just got their first “personal touch” airport screening.

You Get More Radiation From Stepping Outside on a Sunny Day


[Could Your Phone Hurt You? Electromagnetic Pollution] (Viewer #2,536,574)

Feel free to bail at 7:25 when the ad starts.

Link of the Day: Good Luck Getting Those Guns, Grabby McGrabface

[High Praise! to Reason]

Noncompliance Kneecaps New Zealand’s Gun Control Scheme

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Trump Truths: Plan

President Trump’s ultimate secret plan? Make liberals so angry that they can’t stop shrieking uncontrollably about him on social media, then instituting a CAPSLOCK tax. Phase 1: accomplished!

Back When Schoolkids Didn’t Require “Safe Spaces” — And College Students Weren’t “Triggered” By Just Reading About Those Times

Tom Sawyer Ain’t Only For Children
[All quotes are by Mark Twain]

 

Huck was the pariah
Who slept outside and freezed
He was the son of the town drunkard
And lived just as he pleased.

He was “idle and lawless and vulgar and bad –”
All the children admired him” still
Everything that makes “life precious, that boy had”
He “came and went, at his own free will.”

Tom didn’t care if he was a misfit.
” ‘Hello Huckleberry!’ ” — they stopped to chat.
” ‘Hello yourself, and see how you like it.’ ”
” ‘What’s that you got?’ ”
” ‘Dead cat.’ ”

. . .

The schoolmaster looked with a critic’s eye,
At Tom, who was late again
And “about to take refuge in a lie”
As usual. But then . . .

“He saw two long tails of yellow hair”
(Becky?? Heavens above!)
“Hanging down a back that he recognized
By the electric sympathy of love.”

With the emergence of the girl
In a convergence of love and sin
He declared to the teacher — and to all the world
“I stopped to talk with Huckleberry Finn!”

This caused the schoolmaster to gasp
Tom’s future looked pretty dim;
This was more than his class could grasp —
But it caused her to notice him.

. . .

Now the boy who was always late
And in every sense well-tanned
“Began to draw something on the slate,”
Hiding his work with his hand.

“For a time the girl refused to notice”
His efforts or his lines
But her curiosity “began to manifest itself
By hardly perceptible signs.”

Whatever mystery he held
She wanted him to free it.
“At last she gave in and hesitantly whispered:
‘Let me see it.’

“A dismal caricature of a house
With two gable ends to it
And a corkscrew of smoke issuing from the chimney”
He had put his heart into it.

The girl forgot everything else
Which was, of course, the plan
“When it was finished, she gazed a moment, then whispered:
‘It’s nice — make a man.’

. . .

The boy who was generally muddy,
And was forever late
“Made an honest effort to study,
But the turmoil within him was too great.”

In Geography class, he “turned lakes into mountains,
Mountains into rivers” and then
Turned “rivers into continents,
Till chaos was come again.”

She rebuffed him in her feminine way;
He took it hard, sad to say.
He went “over the the hills and far away,
To return to school no more that day.”
But there’s an irony all that does convey:
Because you’ll still find Tom Sawyer in school today.

Bernie Gets Norman Face

[High Praise! to Nebraska Energy Observer]

[title reference link]

Twain’s “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” Banned From School Library for Not Addressing Huck by Preferred Pronoun

Technically, Huck identified as “hayseed” which is represented by the yellow stripe

PORTLAND, OR (AP) – School library officials at Portland’s Shermer High School announced that the school board has voted to ban Mark Twain’s literary classic, “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” because of offensive passages in the story where other characters engage in dialogue that fails to use Huck’s preferred pronoun.

Shermer High’s principal, Richard Vernon, explained the board’s controversial decision.

“Some people find their decision a little odd,” said Vernon. “Historically, when ‘Huck Finn’ gets censored, it’s because someone objects to one or more of it’s 219 uses of the N-word. But that’s not the problem. See, the current trend has moved away from being N-offended to N-empowered, where you feel so secure about your dignity that you just shrug it off. Especially when encountering historically accurate usage of the word, like in “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” or “Blazing Saddles”. Quite frankly, the prevailing attitude is that if the only place you can find the N-word these days is in a single 135-year-old book that nobody’s ever read without being threatened with an F from an English teacher, it’s safe to say that African-Americans have won that battle and it’s time to move on.”

“Now, the ‘gender sensitives’ on the other hand, they’re just starting with their own peculiar brand of fussing over things that they don’t like,” Vernon said. “At first they were very embracing of the book because Huck spends a lot of time, you know, alone with an older man. Plus there’s that scene where Huck wears a skirt and tries to pass as female. However, the LGBTIQCAPGNGFNBA community has since enlightened me that there are still ‘issues’ with Twain’s narrative style that need to be addressed. Specifically, Twain’s insistence upon using ‘he/him/his’ exclusively as Huck’s pronouns. When you have a character whose gender is broadly hinted at as being non-binary, it just makes more sense to use non-binary pronouns, like ve/vir/vis or zie/zim/zir.”

“The media is making a big fuss over this,” concluded Vernon, “but it really boils down to chucking the 3 dog-eared copies we have in the library and replacing them with the inclusive version. As soon as that’s done, everyone can declare victory and move on like the African-Americans.”

As press time, Portland’s local LGBTIQCAPGNGFNBA chapter announced its intention to sue Principal Vernon for slander for assuming the discarded books would prefer the pronoun “them”.

—–

< Student Expelled for Wearing “Gun Free Zone” T-shirt Because It Had a Picture of a Gun on It

Straight Line of the Day: If Bugs Bunny Had a Blog, It Would Be Called…

(Based on a suggestion from Oppo [High Praise!])

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If Bugs Bunny had a blog, it would be called…

The Illustrated Frank J: If You Don’t Like Him, at Least Reelect Him for the Entertainment Value

[source]

Super Happy Middle-Class Fun Time and Rock Quarry

Joe Biden said that his foreign policy plan is to “forge a common agenda to address the greatest threats to our shared values“.

Step 1: decide on a friendly-sounding name for the Trump-voter reeducation camp.