So, just what is the speed limit? Tonight, you shall c.
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Archive of entries posted on 3rd July 2019
He Wore an Onion on His Belt
While fundraising in northern California Joe Biden rejected criticism that he’s “the old guy” of the Democratic presidential field.
Before looking suddenly confused and telling the audience to get off his lawn.
Finally! Something to Serve My Vegan Friends Who Insist Their Veggie Burgers Taste Just Like Real Meat
[The Marrot] (Viewer #93,013)
Best comment at YouTube:
“someone wants to watch the world burn, don’t they?”
Link of the Day: Candy Trolling
[High Praise! to Obvious Plant]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Trump Truths: Summit
President Trump is planning to hold a beer summit between NRA members and gun control advocates. After the summit, they’ll head to the Rose Garden and shoot the empty bottles.
How to Buy the Perfect Present
I rarely offer serious advice on this blog, but I’ve recently had two of my co-bloggers mention (separately) that they have the problem referred to in the title. Fact is, I’ve had this problem, too, and last Christmas, I figured out a good solution. Now I’m sharing it.
1) Check your gift-target’s Amazon shopping cart.
2) Look in the “saved for later” section.
THAT’S what they want but can’t bring themselves to buy for themselves.
Opportunity knocks.
Now, how you check their shopping cart, I leave up to you, but I’m pretty sure everyone sets their phone down and walks away at some point.
Or you can always just ask them to tell you what’s in it, because maybe they don’t know what they want off the top of their head – which is the other end of the gifting problem spectrum. Which is why I’ve been known to share the contents of my “saved for later” with others. It’s a great answer to a sometimes puzzling question.
Liberals Unable To Pass Background Checks Necessary To Buy The Guns They’ll Need To Take Guns Away From Law-Abiding Gun Owners
“No gun for YOU, hippie!”
Presidential candidate Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke called the study “ridiculous”.
“I’ve been in the US Senate for a long time – in my mind – and I know how these things work,” said O’Rourke. “We pass a law, and people do exactly what we want them to do. There’s no arguing, no resistance, just compliance. Like when we raise taxes. The rich always just sit there and give us whatever money we want. It’s not like they hire accountants to exploit loopholes and off-shore tax havens. Pretty sure you have to be a Mexican drug lord before THAT makes financial sense.”
4th in the polls, but first in hating guns, Kamala Harris thought the study “exaggerated the challenges” involved in a firearms confiscation program.
“I consider myself an expert on guns,” said Harris, “and I’ve yet to hear someone that I’m not ignoring say otherwise. If liberals need guns to get the guns away from the gun nuts, we don’t need to give up our weed, domestic violence, and felony convictions to get those guns. We’ll just buy them off the internet. Ain’t no background checks on the internet. I could buy a machine gun off Amazon and have it in two days with free shipping if I wanted. Then I can go up to anyone I want and just point my machine gun at them and say ‘Hey! Gimme your guns!’ and they will, because that’s the law I’m gonna pass when I become President.”
“And I know it’s gonna work,” Harris said, “because we’ll be taking guns away from law-abiding citizens. Obeying the law is what they do. It’s not like we’re trying to take guns out of the hands of criminals.”
While the Democrats we talked to (most of whom wouldn’t agree to speak on the record after hearing that we knew about the “eventual confiscation” part) seemed unperturbed by the report’s warnings, psychologist and Second Amendment expert Robert Hartley explained that elected Democrats often suffer from “short-term thinking disorder”.
“I don’t know why,” said Hartley, “but most elected Democrats seem to have a hard time thinking past the range of their senses. They see something and they try to take it, like a toddler grabbing a Cheerio. They never stop to think that there might be complications.”
“All I can say,” Hartley concluded, “is that the first thing they’ll need to do is pass a new recreational water safety law, since studies show that gun registration laws tend to result in a sharp increase in the number of guns getting lost in tragic boating accidents.”
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Straight Line of the Day: While Touring the Mexican Border, AOC Was Outraged by…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
While touring the Mexican border, AOC was outraged by…
The Illustrated Frank J: Daily Routine
Random Thoughts: Democrat Debate and Soccer
Trump has been baited into treating soccer as if it’s a real sport.
I remember trying to watch soccer when South Africa was hosting the World Cup and they had those vuvuzelas buzzing constantly over the slow-paced spectacle and they were all like “We enjoy this!” Then it became clear: Soccer is just a joke the rest of the world plays on the U.S.
Yes, the whole world is like “Soccer is the greatest! We all love it!” and then they laugh and laugh every time they trick an American into watching it. We keep falling for it. That’s why the World Cup is every four years–give us enough time to forget last time we fell for it.
What are they going to ask Mueller?
“So what did your report say?”
Things sound horrible, but I can’t trust anyone who is telling me it’s horrible, so maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.
I don’t care who is president as long as the majority of Americans are clear he or she is a dishonest idiot who shouldn’t be trusted.
Bernie Sanders has not promised to refrain from burning down the whole convention with his psychic powers if pigs blood is dumped on him.
I think the only question for me with the Democratic primary is will the eventual winner be so terrible as to actually get me to vote for Trump.
I don’t really get the whole citizenship question thing.
The citizenship question seems like voter id in that a small, vocal group is like “This is the most racist thing ever!” and most Americans are like “That isn’t already a requirement?”
When there’s a good quote I want to use in a speech, I always google it to make sure it wasn’t first said by Adolf Hitler.
The far left keep demonstrating they’re far more hateful than their targets. And the thing is, no one is afraid the KKK are somehow going to seize power again, but they are afraid the far-left might manage it.
I don’t know how much you’d have to pay me to watch one of these primary debates. I might watch the general elections ones considering whoever the Dem nominee is. The ones between Trump and Hillary were entertaining.
To use a reference all of American can get, The Office, the Democratic debates is like a debate of a bunch of Michaels and Dwights with a couple Kevins thrown in and maybe a Toby (though he doesn’t stand a chance).
Man, I would vote for a Stanley. “Keep cool with Stanley.”
If after the debate, Kamala Harris says “Hey, would you all like to go score some drugs together,” don’t fall for it. She’s a narc.
They’re all idiots, so the goal should be to elect the one most likely to do the least amount of damage. I think hands down that’s Yang.
BTW, I’m still willing to be elected president if you want. On day one, I’ll find a nice quiet place in the White House and get to work on my novels. If you leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone.
So is any Democratic candidate going to be honest enough to say “Let’s have open borders!” or are they all just going to weasel argue for that?
If I was a super villain who wanted to starve billions, I’d lobby to make food a “right” and have government take over food production.
I’m hearing rumors Swalwell has surged to 0.2%
Marvel needs to space their movies better. There was no way to see Captain Marvel on video before seeing Endgame in the theaters and now spoiler filled Spider-Man: Far from Home is out before Endgame is on video.
(there was no way for my wife and I to see Endgame in the theater with a newborn so still waiting for video)
That Yesterday movie looks neat, but the universe I’d do best in would be one where no one has ever heard of The Simpsons. I’d be the funniest person ever. Though I assume that story would end with me being murdered by John Swartzwelder.
Billboard I just saw:
California too late.
Texas still great.
Vote Republican.
The left reduced the term racist to mean “someone I disagree with” and they’re quickly doing the same for white supremacist and white nationalist.
I tried watching that Neo Genesis Evangelical on Netflix, but it was a cartoon.
flammable : inflammable :: fascist : antifascist
Just seems like so much work to be garbage people like the Charlotteville nazis or the antifa. Not only do I not want to be a horrible person, but I’d also rather stay home.
Are all the worst people in the world extroverts?
There are lots of ways to be as morally awful as a white supremacist, and there’s no reason for the far left to explore them all.
If I were president and met with Kim Jong Un, I’d probably strangle him. I’d bet the press would have a field day with that one, but I’d have a good explanation: “He was within strangling range.”
Actually, if I were president, it would probably be a good idea to keep me away from all foreign leaders. I don’t care for them. As the leader of the U.S. government, I almost wouldn’t like myself (except I’m pretty awesome).
So has anyone confirmed that Nike pulled an American flag show because Colin Kaepernick complained? It sounds like satire.
And I thought Kaepernick’s whole schtick was that he was against police injustice or something but wasn’t against the U.S.?
I’m still skeptical of this whole thing. It still sounds like something some right-wing rag made up. “Kaepernick hates America so he made Nike stop selling the shoe.”
If we don’t win this ladies European kicky ball challenge, will we be able to celebrate our country on the 4th?
Opportunity Knocks
The owner of the Red Hen restaurant (noted for refusing service to WHPS Sarah Sanders) suggested that an incident where Eric Trump got spit on just means Republicans “should consider dining at home“.
Chick-Fil-A to open a restaurant right across the street and drive her out of business in 3… 2… 1…