WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – With the influx of freshman Democrat House members following the mid-term elections – some of whom have expressed concerns about housing or even their next paycheck – some of the more seasoned members of the party have organized a charity to help their colleagues out. Called “Habitat for Hypocrisy”, it’s a way for the new members to get their first luxury mansion while still spouting hackneyed socialist platitudes condemning the rich and maintaining a posture of “standing up for the little people.”

Independent, occasionally Democrat, and always socialist Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who conceived of the charity, explained the origins of the idea.

“I like socialism,” said Sanders. “But I also like money. Now, you can’t actually MAKE money under a socialist system – heck, you can’t even make toilet paper – but opportunities for graft abound if you have political pull, so you can GET money. The problem is, the money has to go somewhere. Me, I put it in real estate – I own three houses, each pricier than the last. So now everyone calls me Bernie “Three Houses” Sanders, and they know I’m a millionaire. If my voter base didn’t self-select for blindness and ignorance, I’d be creek-upped and paddleless.”

“Anyway,” continued Sanders, “I know the 2018 Congressional freshman class is rife with socialists, so I got together with Nancy ‘Six Mansions‘ Pelosi, and we decided there was something we could do to help them climb the power structure and exploit the gullible masses.”

Congresswoman Pelosi talked a little about how “Habitat for Hypocrisy” helps out those most in need: newly-elected Democrats working on their first million.

“They’re so cute and helpless the way they don’t know how to peddle influence,” said Pelosi. “Like a little octopus that’s washed up on the beach, all squishy and smelling like a Red Lobster dumpster. What ‘Habitat for Hypocrisy’ does is help them launder and funnel kickback cash into an under-the-table union construction firm that will use up some of the out-of-nowhere money and turn it into a 7-figure mansion that will be a balance-sheet asset while helping to keep the cash-flow on the same humble scale of the ‘working class families’ who keep believing that all we need is one more tax hike to make the rich finally pay their ‘fair share’. Oh, and THOSE people are so cute, too! Like little kids putting their teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy, yet somehow never figuring out that all the tooth fairy money is coming out of their own wallets. SO cute!”

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently signed up for “Habitat for Hypocrisy”, and sang the praises of the program.

“I’m not a millionaire yet, like Bernie,” said Ocasio-Cortez, “but when you’re an elected Democrat, you literally have people, like, lined up outside your office door waiting to write you a check. I do these tiny little favors and oh, how the money rolls in. I thought I’d end up having to buy a Cayman Island or something, but thanks to ‘Habitat for Hypocrisy’, pretty soon I’ll have my own Socialist Barbie Dream House!”

“I think I’ll keep my apartment, too, though, because people just love my scary garbage disposal videos. I’ve actually had people compare me to Alfred Hitchcock. Although usually it’s something about running America like the Bates Motel.”

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