[To the tune of The Beatles’ “Oh! Darling”]

♩♪

Owe, Darling?
For your degree?
I’ll never know what you learned
Believe me when I tell you
You’ll only get what you’ve earned.

Owe, Darling?
If you leave me
And others to pay for your loan
Believe me when I beg you — Oooh! —-
Don’t ever buy a new home.

When you told me
You wouldn’t pay back any more
Well you know, it’d be nice to know that you tried
When you sold me — Whoo-oo! —
On being so poor
Well it’s clear that you borrowed and lied.

Owe, Darling?
If you default
They’ll never make one more loan
Believe in your own faults:
Anything else will only do you more harm.
(No relieving, darling)

When you told me
You don’t honor contracts anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me
You don’t want cosigners any more
Society’s going to go broke now. Or die.

Owed, Darling,
Please believe me
Letting you off would only let you down
Oh, believe me darling
Believe me when I tell you
You can die from a shot in the arm.

♩♪