Future Post-Debate News

Biden’s Plagiarized Take-Down of Beto
“Mr. O’Rourke, I knew Ted Kennedy.  Ted Kennedy was a friend of mine.  I know you ran from a DUI accident in which no one was even killed.  You, sir, are no Ted Kennedy!”

Kamala Harris’s Epic ‘Georgia Satellites’ Reply to Biden
“Don’t Hand Me No Lines and Keep Your Hands to Yourself!”

Biden’s Epic Dissing of Himself
“I’m Against White Supremacist Enablers, Abortion Opponents, and Incarcerators of Blacks — Like Me!”

Elizabeth Warren’s Epic Sip of One-Third of a Half Ounce of Beer, in a Relatable Way

DeBlasio Taken Down By the Secret Service, Who Did Not Recognize Him as a Candidate

Sensing Voter Demographic Shift, Beto Changes His Nickname To “Snoop Sheepy Sheep” O’Rourke

Bernie Sanders Bolts Down Aisle to Escape Process Servers Trying To Serve Subpoenas For Minimum Wages On Behalf of Staff

Corey Booker Continually Interrupts and Upstages Himself

Moderators Show Off Uncanny Ability To Remember the Names of the Other Candidates

Spotted Eagle’s Epic Pitch For the Nomination:  “I’m The Only One Here Who Has Earned an Electoral Vote!”

Putin’s Comment
“Hack This?  Are You Kidding?  Whatever For?”