38 Comments

  1. … their lattes spilled.
    … Barack should’ve flown in and rescued them.
    … they paid for a 7.5 magnitude at Earthquakes-R-Us. (the difference was lost in taxes, next time read the fine print)

  2. A 5.1 magnitude earthquake hit Los Angeles. Liberals are upset because…

    …the news coverage was focused on something besides them.

    …it’s their MO to always be upset about something.

    …their gray poupon spilled

  3. …disgusting, obese kids keep jiggling long after quake stops.

    …no buildings collapsed and being buried under debris is preferable to attending another in a never ending stream of gay-centric events.

    …60% of Pelosi’s Friday sutures split, meaning 4 plastic surgeons a Satan were busy all weekend repairing the damage.

    …poopy pants methane futures hit an all time high.

  4. …state law requires all video to be shot with shaky cams, first time in years everything looked normal.

    …population of idiots could not grasp 5.1 until they were told it was half a Milton Berle, THEN they all started screaming.

    …none of the 14,000 accidental gender reassignments were covered by Obamacare.

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