* DEBATE!

I liked and actually did watch quite a bit of the debate. Once again, no one seemed to really take on what a slimy weasel Romney is and pin him down, and thus we’re continuing to this slow march to the inevitable Romney nomination – just trading a soulless inept politician for a soulless skilled politician. That probably means another eight years until we have a chance for some real reform to our government… and that’s if Romney is a one-termer.

Meh.

Still hoping Cain can get some more momentum. Not sure how much he impressed people repeating “9-9-9” over and over. I get that he’s trying to stay on message about jobs, but he needs a few other messages. Maybe some other big plans for like foreign policy such as “We need giant robots to step on our enemies. If there is one thing I’ve learned from running a pizza company, it’s that giant robots keep people in line.” Also, he needs to slap Romney around enough to mess up that hair of his. And looking at Romney’s hair, that could be a lot of slapping.

* Was Perry in that debate?

* Chris Christie endorsed Romney. So we have the guy known for straight talk on the budget endorsing the slimy weasel who demagogues on entitlement. I think this hurts Christie more than it helps Romney.

“Why Christie, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world… but for a box of Krispy Kremes?”

* So Obama is now accusing Republicans of purposely trying to destroy the economy. Isn’t that like accusing someone of damaging a car you just totaled? “See that tail light? I swear it was slightly less smashed up before the Republicans were let near it.”

The Democrats are going to have to try everything, because they don’t have any positive arguments for reelecting Obama.

Obama 2012: We got nothing.

* So we foiled an Iranian terror plot on U.S. soil… so are we going to do something about that? At some point, don’t we need to sit down with the Iranian government and say, “You people are bad. KABOOM!”?

I know we’re not looking for another war, but they actually did a terror plot in the U.S. Can’t whatever non-war thing we’re doing in Libya to no national interest we instead do in Iran? We don’t need to regime change or anything; we just need to be very consistent with the message that if you mess with us, it will be very painful. And you’ll get stepped on by giant robots.

* Israel is going to trade 1000 Palestinian prisoners to release one Israeli solider. This was the negotiated settlement, so by the Palestinians’ own math, one Israeli is worth 1000 Palestinians. Doesn’t that explain a lot? The Palestinians basically see themselves as cannon fodder. It often seems the Israelis place more value on Palestinians lives than the Palestinians do themselves, and you’re never going to find peace until the Palestinians see themselves as something more than worthless things to get blown up in an effort to murder others.

* Paul Krugman has explained why he’s not joining the Occupy Wall Street protests. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to appear to be an activist… which no one is dumb enough to think he isn’t. I think he’s just afraid to be out in public because he knows there is a kill order out on his beard.

* Did you know that Glenn Reynolds has a British cousin who works as a TV chef?

* Wisdom of the Day: “The indentations on his knuckles said he liked punching kids with braces. ‘You’re hired,’ I said. ‘We need men like you here at Del Taco.'” –Joshua Allen

* Buttercup loves pumpkins!

* I’m back! Anything interesting happen while I was gone?

* So Sarah Palin is officially out of the race. A lot of people already got a head start on that by ignoring her, but now it’s official. So, is Palin still going to be a factor in politics now that it’s certain she’s not running? She could be, if she does something interesting… like endorse Herman Cain. Come on; do it. Make waves. Be a maverick. Join us in the battle to not get stuck with Romney!

* Also, while I wasn’t blogging, the iPhone 4S was debuted, but everyone complained that it didn’t add very many cool new features over the previous generation. And then Steve Jobs died. Great job, Apple fans.

* And so the Occupy Wall Street thing keeps going on… though no one still has any idea why. And apparently they’re doing it in other cities as well. There was even an Occupy Boise — allegedly. No one I know seems to have noticed it. But they marched on the Boise capitol building — where all the big decisions about what to do with all the potatoes is made — to… um… let’s see… Someone in the article sums things up as “separate politics and money.” So I guess we’ll pass the “separate politics and money” bill and fix everything.

Actually, any time you try to press these people on what they actually want changed, they get all indignant that they’re expected to come up with the answers. So I guess this protest movement is a bit like a baby crying: They only have a vague sense that something is wrong, but have no idea what and no idea how to fix it, so they’ll make noise until someone comes over and fixes it for them. Also, like a baby, the protesters smell like poop.

"Hey! Don't compare me to those incoherent freaks!"

* Ever notice how the left would freak out about the mere idea of Tea Party violence — despite none ever materializing — yet the Occupy Wall Street people keep clashing with police and it’s a non-issue with them. I point this out a lot, and I will keep pointing it out: The left have no core values, they just have worthless partisanship. They don’t care about intemperate speech, violence, or even racism; they just pretend to care about it when they think it’s a partisan advantage. And if ignoring it a partisan advantage, then they’ll do that just as easily.

* New GOP debate tonight. All eyes will be on Herman Cain to see if he can capitalize on his momentum. If he has a great performance, he truly will be a front runner. Also, this is Perry’s last chance to prove he can speak coherently and should be given another consideration. It will help if he doesn’t call the vast majority of Republicans “heartless”. And Romney should continue to try and stay out of the fray, waiting for everyone else to stumble or take out each other so he’s the only one left and we have no choice but to accept him despite that we all hate him. And there will be other candidates there too, I think, though I’m not sure why. Maybe they’ll do a song and dance number between sections of the debate.

Come on, Cain! We want to love you! Make us believe!

* The White House is letting it be known that Romney’s health care laws in Massachusetts influenced Obama’s federal plan. So I guess that’s going to be Obama’s main attack if Romney is the nominee: Romney’s ideas are so awful that they influenced Obama.

Also, as things get more desperate, expect lots of frank discussions about Mormonism. Will Mormon weirdness stand against Obama’s more mainstream religion which concerns itself with CIA conspiracies to spread AIDS? We just might find out.

* Wisdom of the Day: “‘For Shizzle!’ – warriors riding into battle to avenge a friend named Shizzle.” –Artur Bagyants

* Ron Paul is warning us that now the U.S. might start targeting journalists for drone strikes. I don’t think anyone in government would be dumb enough to be that blatant. Maybe instead they’d just do something like, “We’re going to put out a kill order on Krugman’s beard.” Because no one would consider it too wrong for the government to take out facial hair. And then they’d have a drone fire a hellfire missile at Krugman’s beard, and if the rest of Krugman is incinerated in the assault, that would just be marked down as collateral damage. It was his fault for collaborating with an enemy beard.

* Guess who has another column in the New York Post?

No; guess again.

That’s right! Me! You’re getting better at this.

This column is on how we should consider having a break from having a president to really find ourselves as a nation. Enjoy!

* Obama says we’re not better off than we were four years ago. So is he like ceding the election? “You know when things were better? Before I was president. Reelect me!”

Of course, things are better for some people. Some people were only a U.S. Senator four years ago but are now President. Then again, those people are getting yelled at a lot because of how much worse things are than four years ago.

* Eric Holder said he hadn’t heard about Fast and Furious until a few weeks ago, but documents show he was briefed back in July 2010. It was probably just one of those things you rubber stamp without taking a second thought about it. “So we’re selling guns to Mexican drug cartels? I can’t imagine how that would go wrong. Approved!”

* Obama isn’t apologizing for the half a billion wasted on Solyndra, saying it was a “good bet.” Yeah, and this is the guy who know what’s a great idea to spend our money. What is he — 0 for a trillion on spending stimulus dollars on things that are useful? Yeah, let’s definitely give him more of our money to make more bets; with this long of a losing streak, odds are the next thing he invests in has to be a winner!

* Occupy Wall Street has had fun just sitting around and yelling incoherently, but I guess they decided to finally come up with some demands. So here’s their proposed list of demands. They want free health care, free college tuition, all their debts forgiven, and… paper ballots. And if they don’t get this they’ll… sit around and be useless and smelly. And if they get their demands, they’ll probably be even more useless and smellier.

So, do we want to dismantle all of our economy and livelihood because some hippies are sitting aorund near Wall Street? Nah, dudes, I think we’ll pass.

* Occupy Wall Street only has thirteen demands, so maybe we can help suggest some more.

Demand fourteen: Monkey butlers.

Demand fifteen: Cheetos should be free and available everywhere.

Demand sixteen: Stop making fun of my white-person dreadlocks.

* Is this racist? It seems kind of racist: Obama Fried Chicken, a new restaurant in China. We should make sure Chinese spies haven’t stolen our secret herbs and spices, though.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Kindle Fire: it’s a tablet *and* basic caveman instructions.” –Storm

* Arrested Development is coming back! There are going to be new episodes focusing on what the different characters have been up to since the end of the series and then a movie. To be honest, though, I’m a bit apprehensive about it. AD was one of the most perfect series — I’ve watched the entire run through four or five times and enjoy rewatching it more than most new series — so I’m just afraid they won’t be able to recapture the magic. But I’ll be hopeful as I wait for the Final Countdown.

* Here’s a link to the first of the webisodes of the Walking Dead series my silly little sister worked on. The other five are also available to watch now.

* So Perry loves pandering to Hispanics and thinks we’re heartless if we don’t want our tax money going to non-citizen Hispanics, but he apparently hates blacks because of a rock or something. RACIST!!!

Do people take that charge seriously anymore? The left seem so perfunctory in using it that I don’t think they really believe it anymore. Charging racism is almost like an “uh” or “um” in other people’s speech; it’s just something you utter while thinking of something more substantive to say.

But if you really want to see racism, nominate Herman Cain. When it’s a black man opposing the white liberals, it will finally be time for all those racists that live in the heads of leftists to come out and play.

* Perry has further expanded on why he’s for paying for tuition for illegal aliens, wondering how else are they going to get into college. When talking with pro-illegal alien people, it’s like we’re not even arguing within the same universe. Yeah, the point of borders is making sure citizens of other countries get the privilege of going to college. Good job zeroing in on the heart of that issue, Perry.

* Obama thinks we’re soft. Really, the left, who think we’ll all die unless government ensures us jobs, food, education, and health care and protects us from smoking, trans-fats, and incandescent light bulbs, thinks we’ve become soft. How did that happen?

* So those Occupy Wall Street people are still occupying Wall Street to… who knows. Some people think you just go out and wave signs and stuff happens, but you kind of need something coherent to say first. Even then, waving signs and sitting around is the least effective way to induce change.

Know who are changing things, though? The businessmen on Wall Street actually working jobs and such. If the hippies want to change the world, they should start by using some soap.

* Warren Buffet doesn’t endorse Obama’s “Buffet Rule”, seeming to think it will hurt the economy. I guess that makes him one of the bad rich people again. “He’s involved in money-craft! Burn him!”

* Because of the bad economy, cases of people over dosing on cocaine are way down. So there’s another achievement for Obama right alongside making sure child predators are too poor to afford windowless vans.

* So, I wasn’t able to resist getting that Aquaman comic. It seems silly to pay full price for a digital comic — there are no printing and shipping costs associated with it. And I wouldn’t even mind if they put the ads in to allow dropping the price. Still, DC put one of their A-list writers on it — Geoff Johns — and people were raving about it, so I was pretty curious what a really good Aquaman comic looks like. It spent just a little time setting up the villains for the arc, and most of the comic was all about what everyone makes fun of Aquaman for. I actually felt pretty bad for Aquaman when someone asked to his face what it’s like to be nobody’s favorite superhero (not all bloggers are that mean!). Anyway, I recommend the comic for all comic book fans and will definitely snatch up the next issue the day it comes out (if they’re still making it available day and date on the iPad). Hopefully this run will finally get Aquaman the respect he deserves. He started out fighting Nazis, you know.

* Wisdom of the Day: “‘Government’ is just a word for things we do together. ‘Corporations’ is just a word for things we do together voluntarily.” –David Burge

* Later today (2pm ET), AMC is going to make available six Walking Dead webisodes (the second season doesn’t start until later this month). It will be about how things were in the beginning of the outbreak — something we haven’t gotten to see yet. The webisodes should be available on both the AMC website and Hulu, I believe. I mention this because I’m a Walking Dead fan (and really looking forward to finding out what they’ll be doing in the second season now that I’ve seen all the places the story goes in the comics), and because my little sister did the costume design for these webisodes! Good job, silly sister Sarah!

* Pajamas Media has up a new column from me on what we can try and do to make Obama like us so he’ll stop trying to destroy us. Read and enjoy!

* Good news, Joe Biden, the most helpful ally one can have, says it’s totally legitimate to make the presidential election a referendum on the economy. So, in deciding whether to reelect Obama and Biden, let’s first take a look at the economy…

GAH! It’s horrible! I can’t look anymore! Keep it away!

So, if you want four more years of that, you know who to vote for. And you’re a terrorist.

* Gun sales have been going up the past few years while gun crime has been going down. Of course, the media is putting this out as “despite an increase in gun sales, gun crime is decreasing”… even though we know that’s an idiotic statement.

Guns are one of those scary freedoms that makes a lot of people nervous. We end up better as a nation when we embrace such freedoms, but doing so makes some people scared and they want that freedom gone even if it is for everyone’s benefit. For those people, point north. That’s where Canada is.

Also, there’s a new book out, Chicks with Guns, celebrating the 15 million to 20 million women in America who own firearms. If you want to be a true feminist, you need to own a gun.

* New Crowder video. He and Michelle Obama are going to make you fit!

I find having to constantly lift and carry a small child also helps keep you fit.

* Going to cut this one short today, as I got woken up by both the baby and work last night. Anyway, watch Boise State get their revenge on Nevada tomorrow. REVENGE!

* Good news. Apparently Obama has no idea what people pay in taxes. He said he pays a lower tax rate than a teacher, which isn’t even close to being true. Of course, as we all know from people like Timothy Geithner, these people don’t even pay taxes — that’s for lesser people. And the exact rate is inconsequential anyway; all they know is it needs to be higher no matter what it is.

Of course, I’m for making sucky politicians pay 100% tax rate. You mess up the country like this, you should beg on the streets for the rest of your life. It’s only fair — and don’t they like “fairness”?

* Rick Perry sorta apologized for calling people “heartless” who oppose subsidizing illegal immigrants going to college. Yeah, we just love that. The country is going bankrupt, but we’re heartless for not wanting to help pay people here illegally to have the huge privilege of going to college. And how many hundreds of thousands am I going to need to save up to send Buttercup to college in eighteen years? How about we have illegal aliens work to pay off our student loans first, and then maybe our hearts will warm to them.

* Most Americans are opposed to giving the Palestinians their own state. I guess we need another terror sponsoring state like we need another hole in a destroyer.

Can’t we compromise and give them their own island somewhere… one they can’t get off of?

* A terrorist was plotting to hit the Pentagon with bomb-laden remote control planes when the FBI got him. I remember after 9/11 how sure we were there would be more terror attacks because it just seemed so easy: Just put a bomb in a shopping mall or even just run into a crowded area and start shooting. But instead the terrorists seem to be focusing on all these convoluted plots they can’t pull off because I guess they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. Finally a benefit of Hollywood misleading people.

* Scientists have found that magnets can make people lie. Well, there’s a great new excuse for someone caught in lie. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to lie to you honey, but… I was near refrigerator magnets.”

Magnets: We don’t know how the @#$% they work, but they’ll help us make up an explanation.

* Amazon has unveiled its own tablet PC, the Kindle Fire, and it’s only $199 — $300 less than cheapest iPad. They also have new eInk Kindles with touch screens and they start under a hundred. It was only a couple years ago SarahK bought her Kindle 2 for nearly $400. Don’t you love capitalism? Socialism has not and will not give you cheap, shiny new devices to play with.

Also, since there is now a full color screen to work with on the Kindle Fire, graphic novels are going to start coming to Kindle. And I was getting so used to reading books without pictures (based on recommendations, I’m currently reading Mistborn and quite enjoying it).

Anyway, make sure you have a nice device for reading my ebook when it comes out in November (though worse comes to worst, Amazon has a in-browser e-reader that can be used by anything that can access a website — so no excuses!).

* Along with DC comics’ big reboot, there’s a new Aquaman series which had its first issue come out yesterday — and IGN gave it a 9.0 (out of 10, not 100 — really). I haven’t read it yet; like all of DC’s new comics, it’s available the same day as print on the iPad, but I’m just pretty averse to paying $3 for a digital comic. You can’t ask print price for digital; just doesn’t work.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Rick Perry supporting in-state tuition for illegals is a lot less ridiculous than Romney’s claim that there’s nothing wrong with SS.” –Keder

* Here’s one of the best examples of real-life imitating the Onion. Here’s one of my favorite Onion videos:

9/11 Conspiracy Theories ‘Ridiculous,’ Al Qaeda Says

And now Al Qaeda is chastising Ahmadinejad for implying they weren’t behind the 9/11 attack.

And this is why satire is so hard.

* Chris Christie speculation is in full force again thanks to dissatisfaction with the frontrunners. He’s pretty liberal on a number of issues, but he’s full force on cutting spending which is the big issue of the day and maybe all that matters to primary voters. Plus, he’ll probably be too busy stuffing his face with fistfuls of bacon to pursue a liberal agenda (he’s fat).

Of course, Christie keeps denying he’s getting into the race. In fact, his exact words were, “I am absolutely against running for president, and are you going to eat that?” But despite all the denials, people keep speculating because they want a strong candidate to believe in. And despite the fact that the waiter had just set down my steak dinner in front of me so it was pretty obvious I was going to eat that, Christie grabbed my rib eye right off my plate.

* New Zogby poll says that Herman Cain is now the frontrunner with 28% of the vote to Perry’s 18% and Romney’s 17%. The only thing: It’s a Zogby poll. Still, I want to believe.

* Herman Cain is claiming he can win at least a third of the black vote. Wouldn’t that basically be the end of the Democrat Party? Whites are leaving them in droves, so they can’t lose minorities too. If that starts to happen, expect to see desperation like we’ve never seen before from the left (and we pretty much see nothing but desperation from them all the time). If Herman Cain is our nominee, expect to see for real all that racism the left only imagined Obama had received.

* Obama said of Perry, “You’ve got a governor whose state is on fire denying climate change.” Is that how it works now? If you don’t accept global warming, you anger the gods of science and they turn their wrath on you and set your land on fire? I guess I don’t understand because I’m not “pro-science” enough. Or superstitious.

* Luckily the science gods don’t care about selling guns to Mexican drug cartels or Obama might get the country set on fire. It ends up the government used tax payer money to buy guns to then sell to the Sinaloa cartel. To know how big a scandal this is, we should at least first know whether the government made a profit. I mean, supplying cartels with guns used in hundreds of murders is bad, but we do have a huge deficit and maybe this is the only place Obama is actually helping us in the budget.

* At a townhall, a millionaire (who just happened to get called on!) stood up and asked Obama to raise his taxes. I guess the government hasn’t publicized enough that there is an address you can send a check to if you feel like the federal government should have more of your money. Of course, these people never do that because they innately understand how idiotic it is to actually choose to waste their own money like that. You might as well just burn the money because then you’d at least know you got light and heat out of the deal.

With these people, it’s not about their money — they only feel good wasting other people’s money. Now there’s a greedy rich person.

* When CERN said they broke the speed of light, they didn’t break it by much. They had a distance that would take light 2.4 thousandths of a second to travel, and the neutrino took 60 billionths of second less time to go that distance. How do they measure something to that degree? I assume they have some sort of digital stopwatch instead of just one with a second hand.

* The big news right now — CERN MAY HAVE OBSERVED A PARTICLE MOVING FASTER THAN LIGHT!

I can’t believe anyone is talking about politics or the stupid economy when this is hanging over our head. This would completely destroy our understanding of physics. Do you know how many equations in relativity completely break down when you have a velocity greater than the speed of light. This changes everything!

Well, nothing actually changes. Physics is still the same; it would just change what we thought it was. And since most of you aren’t scientists and don’t really care about physics or understood relativity in the first place, it doesn’t change anything for you.

On second thought, forget this; it’s inconsequential.

* So, did everyone watch the FOX News/Google debate last night? It’s starting to look like we’re going to be stuck with that slimy weasel Romney. Intrade has him rocketing ahead now. He has so many vulnerabilities, but no one seems to be able to land a blow on that slippery little rodent. Perry tried an attack on Romney’s flip flopping, and he stumbled over himself so much it was absolutely painful to watch. It made me feel better about my radio appearances it was so bad. Oh, and then there was Perry saying people didn’t have a heart if they didn’t want to subsidize college tuition for illegal immigrants.

I just can’t stand Romney talking about what a “success” Social Security is — the absolute bloated mess that I’m forced to pay into and will receive nothing (and even if I did, it would be a pittance compared to if I were actually able to invest that money). It’s the worst example of the failures of relying on government, and he’s flying its flag. He’s worse than any Democrat on the issue, and I hate the idea he’s going to be the Republican standard bearer for four to eight years. How in the world is he going to do the entitlement reform we need with that attitude?

Of course, he’s probably lying about what he thinks about Social Security — same as everything else. Oh well; he’s electable and should bat around Obama easily.

I’m so dissatisfied with the current crop, I kind of want Palin to enter the race. I think she can win against Obama at this point, and she doesn’t suck as much as anyone else.

Or we could work on elevating Cain. He’s not a politician… which is great but also means he’s a little rough around the edges. But he’s smart; we can work on that if we all get together.

Maybe we could have a Palin/Cain ticket — PAIN!

* Amadinadoddledoodle — the Iran president guy (I’m tried of googling and cutting and pasting his name) — went in front of the U.N. and spouted crazy because that’s what it’s there for. Along with conspiracy theories, he talked about the twelfth imam (the one with three beards, two of them magical and one of them normal) coming to take over the world or something. The twelfth imam is also known as the hidden imam, because I guess he’s like hiding under a box or camouflaged or something. We should probably keep an eye out for him. Check your attics to make sure no imams are hiding there.

Anyway, the U.S. and a bunch of other countries walked out during Amadiddledoober’s speech, probably to look for that hidden imam. It’s like an Easter egg hunt!

* Wisdom of the Day: “Governor Perry losing debate with his own tongue.” –Ann Coulter

* Apparently chimpanzees don’t like to cooperate with each other. They’ll only work together if they get more benefit than working alone; otherwise, they like to be mysterious, loner chimpanzees. This is good news for us because it means there is little chance that monkeys will organize together to rise up against us. Also, since they don’t like to cooperate, we can probably put in seeds of doubt and cause them to fight each other, destroying themselves. So put that under our plans to eliminate monkeys. I hope the government has plans how to make every individual species extinct in case they become nuisances.

* The nice thing about Obama is how he doesn’t embarrass us in front of other world leaders:

"I'm Barack Obama!"

Here’s a challenge for the left: Try find a photo of Bush in which he looks dumber than this.

* Troy Davis was executed yesterday for murdering a police officer who tried to stop him beating up a homeless man. This is a problem to some because lots of people who read news articles about him thought there was lots of doubt to his guilt (while those who actually sat through and ruled in his many many court trials apparently didn’t).

One problem of capital punishment is that it causes an odd segment of the population to laud and praise murderers while the victim is forgotten. You had people acting like Troy Davis was some spiritual guru, while even if you believe their story it just meant that Davis maybe didn’t murder Mark MacPhail and instead just stood around while his friend beat up and homeless man and killed the police officer (but of course, the multiple court reviews — including the Supreme Court — didn’t believe that).

These capital punishment controversies are always such tangled messes. Wish we didn’t have them. I guess easiest way to achieve that is for people to stop murdering so much.

* A white supremacist who murdered a black man by dragging him to death was also executed yesterday. Not a record protest turnout.

* Polls finally show a majority blame Obama for the U.S. economy. After a couple years and a few trillion, you do have to take a little ownership. But the good news for Obama is that if the economy takes off like a rocket, people will now praise him for it instead of just saying how great Bush was. And I’m sure his new proposal of $1.5 trillion in taxes will really get things moving.

* Rick Perry has been running on his job record, but a new report says that 80% percent of Texas’s new jobs went to immigrants — 40% to illegal immigrants. Well, that’s not great; our goal isn’t to help Mexico’s unemployment. Our goal is only to help Mexico’s drug cartels get guns.

* Ron Paul says he would consider putting Dennis Kucinich on his cabinet, so if you’re wondering what Ron Paul’s cabinet looks like in the alternate universe where he’s president and we all wear pants on our head, there you go.

Since this president thing isn’t going to work out in this universe where we wear pants on our legs, Ron Paul and Kucinich should consider getting together and forming a traveling roadshow where they sing and dance and do vaudeville and denounce overseas occupations. Sounds pretty entertaining. And I have a great tagline for it: “RON PAUL!”

* For some reason, Al Gore has announced that he knows the new iPhones are coming out in October. Is that what Gore is reduced to now? Trying to attach himself to the popularity of the iPhone? Poor Al Gore; I don’t think he has any friends.

* A study says that spoilers don’t ruin a story but actually enhance enjoyment. So I’ll help you with enjoying some movies:

Citizen Kane: Rosebud was his pet dog.
Planet of the Apes: The main character was dreaming the whole thing.
The Sixth Sense: Bruce Willis’s character was the one who murdered all those people.
The Usual Suspects: The police officer questioning everyone is Kaiser Soze.
The Empire Strikes Back: Darth Vader reveals it was Obi Wan who killed Luke’s father.
Soylent Green: Soylent Green contained corn syrup which just isn’t healthy.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Paraphrasing Mencken, liberalism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, is making more than a tenured professor.” –Jim Geraghty

* A bouncer was hired for an IHOP in East Villiage. You can look at the many flavors of syrup available, but NO TOUCHING!

Ah, hipsters.

* Those wacky Palestinians are still trying to appeal to the U.N. for statehood. Now even the French are like, “Cut it out you doofs!” Whether the U.N. sides with the Palestinians or not, this is all likely to end in violence… as does everything in the Middle East. Including the kite festivals.

Anyway, the official U.S. position should be we want fewer Muslim countries. Frankly, they just haven’t been working out well enough to warrant more of them.

* Eric Holder is talking about closing Gitmo — this time for real! It’s totally going to happen; it’s not just talk to rile up the really gullible left-wing base.

Come to think of it, Obama can still run on pretty much all the platforms he ran on in 2008: Close Gitmo. End the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and now also Libya). Turn around this horrible economy. End the incompetent, divisive leadership of the current president. Sucks to be the incumbent, huh?

* Have you been wondering where all that stimulus money went that did absolutely nothing to help the economy? OBAMA’S PEOPLE ATED IT! Yes, the Department of Justice spent $16 per muffin at one conference and had many other moron expenses people actually accountable for how they spend money would never have.

Hey, I know! Let’s take more money away from job creators and give it to these people! That’s an awesome idea! I should get a muffin for it!

* So Solyndra executives are going to plead the fifth. Great spending of half a billion on them, Obama! I wonder how much of that money went to muffins.

Of course, that’s not the worst of Obama’s scandals; that would be “Fast and Furious” where the Department of Justice (the expensive muffin eaters) allowed guns to go to Mexican drug cartels. Those guns have now been linked to at least 200 murders.

Now, all we need to do is find out that Solyndra spent all its money on guns for Mexican drug cartels while the Department of Justice watched and did nothing (other than eat muffins). That would combine this all into one super scandal so big even the New York Times would mention it… on page 16.

* It looks like Perry is slipping in the polls as Romney is only three points behind him in South Carolina. Man, I hate Romney. He’ll probably easily win against Obama, but he’s just such a weasely politician… especially on Social Security and entitlements. I only expect “meh” out of him… though “meh” would be a huge improvement from current conditions.

* In other polling news, Palin is polling within five points of Obama. I think Palin is a risky bet and I’m just not sure about her anymore, but man would that be hilarious to have Obama beaten by her. I would probably stop blogging as I’d just be too busy laughing for the next four years. Well, if Obama is so vulnerable anyone can beat him, I say go for it. Let’s have some entertainment.

* Got an e-mail with this subject: “Santorum is an idiot or a liar—doesn’t seem to grasp that the Founding Fathers put the natural born clause into the Constitution for a reason”. Yes the birthers are going after Rick Santorum and demanding he drop out of the presidential race because he said about Obama’s birth certificate, “My understanding is that issue was solved. If there’s evidence to the contrary [showing Obama is not eligible], they should bring it forth.”

Wow, those birthers sure are smart at picking important battles. It really seems like a great idea to spend a lot of time going after a presidential candidate no one is paying attention to. Are birthers part of some high-stakes irrelevancy contest I don’t know about? I assume their biggest competition is Obama himself.

* Guess who has a column in the New York Post today?

No, Guess again.

Yes; it’s me! You’re getting better at this. So everyone go read it and then like it on Facebook or tweet it or what not. Just tell everyone about it. Go stand on the side of the street shouting, “Frank J. Fleming is good fun writer number one!” The rest of Nuke the News will wait until you’re done.

* Hey, know what this economy teetering on the verge of a recession needs? A MASSIVE TAX INCREASE. Yes, Obama is proposing $1.5 trillion in new taxes. And who thinks a MASSIVE TAX INCREASE is a great idea in a failing economy? ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!

Still, I’d like to see him sell this to the Republicans.

OBAMA: “I’m just going to increase spending while raising taxes on the rich. It’s a plan that comes straight from one of the Republican greats: HERBERT HOOVER.”

Many people think Obama doesn’t expect any of this to pass as it’s just political maneuvering for 2012, and I hope so. This isn’t just economic suicide, it’s like a really nasty suicide where you stab yourself repeatedly in the stomach.

* Obama assures us his taking money away from job creators and giving it to the money wasters in D.C. isn’t “class warfare — it’s math.” Well here’s some more math:

Bad economic situation + Obama = EVEN WORSE ECONOMIC SITUATION!

Current conditions + Massive new taxes = JUST SHOOT US!

Economy – Obama = BIGGEST ECONOMIC RECOVERY EVER!

* Why are all the projections for these things over ten years?

POLITICIANS: “We’ll cut a trillion dollars…”

US: “Yay!”

POLITICIANS: “…over ten years.”

US: “Meh.”

Who else talks like that? “Come work for me and I’ll pay you $400,000… over ten years.”

* It’s not all bad news in this country for President Obama: Violent crime is down for the fourth year in a row.

I can’t think of anything Obama’s done where he can attempt to take credit for that, but, hey, small things.

I thought the left was always saying that poverty causes crime and terrorism? So shouldn’t the bad economy have led to more violent crime?

Sometimes I wonder when the left are talking about other people, they’re really talking about themselves. So when they say poverty causes crime, the liberal means that if he lost his job, he’d become a violent criminal. That’s why we really need to keep an eye on the left.

* Obama supports the post office stopping mail delivery on Saturday. Frankly, they could just deliver mail once or twice a week and that would be fine. As long as Amazon sends my stuff through UPS and I have FedEx for things that I actually need delivered quickly, there’s nothing that comes through regular mail that I’d be waiting day to day for. Let’s just move to get rid of the stupid government monopoly. And with less mail delivery, won’t we use less paper and gas which will help that thing people like. You know, that green thing. What was it? The environment. Get rid of government and help environment.

* Apparently gamers solved a problem about the AIDS virus. Yep, to fight disease, they put video game players to work. So next time SarahK see me playing on my iPad and demands to know what I’m doing, I’ll just say, “I’m only learning how to cure diseases! …and killing green pigs.”

* Wisdom of the Day: “Qwikster sounds like an internet company made up by the oldest writer on staff for a Law & Order episode in 2002.” –Sean Thomason

* Someone sent this to me, and I don’t know what it is but it’s kind of funny:

* Hey, I know what will create more jobs: More taxes!

I haven’t even seen a Democrat attempt to explain how exactly taxing rich people leads to job growth. It’s a logical leap too far for even the most craven partisan. I guess the best they could do now is to say they’re taking money from the rich and then using it instead for Obama’s jobs bill.

Think about that: We’re taking money from the rich — people in this country who have proven they can build wealth and create and expand businesses (thus making jobs) — and instead giving it to Obama who has proven he can spend a trillion dollars to no noticeable effect.

They call the right “anti-science”, but the left seem to be anti-basic logic. What are the left these days but a bunch of people patting themselves on the back for believing evolution while walking into traffic?

* Apparently a couple hundred people gathered at Wall Street over the weekend to have a “Day of Rage” to protest… who knows what. And don’t you think it would have been more effective if they did it while Wall Street was actually open? Maybe they have school weekdays — I kinda doubt they have jobs.

We have too many pointless protests in this country. I guess it comes from a misreading of history where people think big change was caused by poster board with rhyming slogans. “Hey, let’s get some placards and write stuff on it and then the world will change!” Yes, protest marches have happened in concurrence with change, but I think we’re not understanding cause and effect. If anything ever was changed exclusively by a protest, it must have been a pretty pointless thing to begin with.

* The Palestinians are turning to the U.N. to get statehood. I think Palestinians statehood is a great idea because the one thing the Middle East doesn’t have enough of is violent Muslim countries. We could really use another one. Maybe one that hates Israel. Of course, if Palestine ever gets statehood, I assume Israel would just bomb and invade them as an enemy country.

Maybe we can just give Palestinians a special place in the U.N…. like maybe a cage hanging from the ceiling.

* I keep being amazed there is opposition to having to present an ID to vote. People keep trying to act like this is controversial, even though a super majority support it (and are probably surprised there is even a debate). I keep seeing this anti-reality statement that there is no record of voter fraud so none exists. Oh really; we don’t check for voter fraud, and thus we have no record of it. How conclusive!

Oh, I just got an email from Chicago; they say they’ve done a study no voter fraud has ever existed ever. That settles it.

Some are trying to make an issue of this with Perry because they passed a voter ID law in Texas, and he should really run with it. If any on the Democrat side wants to be against it, make them carry the pro-voter fraud label as there is no — NO — logical reason to be against having to prove you can vote before voting other than that you are for voter fraud and think it will help your side. We can’t let people this craven get away with quietly holding this view.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Child pornographers are the scum of the earth and should be prosecuted as if they were adults.” –Jonathan Katz

* So Nicolas Cage is some sort of Twilight vampire as evidenced by a Civil War photo. Some people were gathered before Nicolas Cage’s latest movie saying Cage is an unholy, unnatural thing that must be destroyed. I wonder what those people will say when they find out he’s a vampire?

* BTW, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr! Mateys!

Yeah, that’s all you’re getting from me.

* I’m back! But I have a lot of catch up to do news-wise, so bear with me. Also, I got injected with a vaccine and as a result may have suffer mental retardation.

* So Obama has this new site AttackWatch.com, which I would think would be videos of people smashing wrist watches with hammers but is instead a really cheapo, seedy looking website where you can report people saying bad things about Obama. I’ve already reported most of my blog commenters. I just have to report a few more people, and I’ll win getting a pat on the head directly from Obama.

Seriously, I am going to report anyone who says false smears about Obama. With all the factual bad things to say about Obama, we really should just stick to that.

ATTACK WAAAAATCH!

* So this company, Solyndra, which makes solar cells got half a billion dollars in loans from Obama’s stimulus, and the White House was personally involved with it. It went belly up resulting in thousands of jobs neither saved nor created from our investment. I think this is why it’s so important we give Obama hundreds of billions to spend because you know he’s going to waste a ton of it, and thus giving him that much money is the only way maybe a billion or two will actually end up some place useful.

* So, that special election in New York was… pretty special. The Dems held that seat for like eighty years, and now it’s gone. I guess there were some interesting circumstance there involving Weiner, but you can’t help but wonder if Obama has started to cause that permanent realignment the left hoped he would make — just not in the direction they wanted.

CHANGE!

* There is some talk now that Obama might be clinically depressed. Things haven’t been going to well for him, and everyone is making fun of him (thought Attack Watch should put a stop to that). Obama is out demanding a jobs bill be passed “right now” that he hasn’t even written; maybe he has just given up on things. He’s lost his hope. Without hope, he just has change left. And change by itself could be anything — like becoming a mutant.

Someone should cheer Obama up. Maybe we could put a jester hat on Biden and have him do a silly dance for Obama. Or we could treat Obama to a nice waffle breakfast; he likes waffles. We have to do something. Maybe we can just remind him he does’t have to run for a second term; that would relive a lot of stress. For him too.

* New Crowder video in which he reports a Ponzi scheme to the SEC:

Really, the only way Social Security isn’t like a Ponzi scheme is that knowing it’s a scam doesn’t protect you from it.

* My ebook should be out in mid-November. I’ll hopefully have a firm date for you soon (and a title and cover art). Purchasing it will be MANDATORY.

With the book coming out (from an actual publisher!) and being in the New York Post (where you should hopefully see more pieces from me in the future), it seems like my writing career has suddenly taken a big leap. And on top of all that, a Chipotle is opening up in Boise today. So everything is coming up Frank. I want to thank all my readers of IMAO (except for a few of you who I never liked) and also Pajamas Media which gave a place for my… um… interesting style of writing to be seen by a larger audience.

Now we just have to hope I don’t decide I’m too important to spend time blogging… though I probably am.

* Go BSU against Toledo! …but don’t be too mean to them.

* One advantage of me running my own blog is that since no one is paying me to be a pundit, when Obama gives some “big speech”, I can just say, “I don’t feel like watching that,” and then not watch it. I assume most Americans felt the same way.

Anyway, sounds like he proposed a bunch of new spending and some tax cuts (I’ll take those), but are we really supposed to believe these are all big ideas that are finally going to create a bunch of jobs? If so, why wait until thirty months into his presidency to propose this when people have been hurting for jobs since day one? Is he just really slow to the uptake or he just didn’t care until now (“Shut up about jobs! I have a neato health care plan I want to force on you!”)?

Obama says all his spending will be paid for, but I don’t think anyone is left who would believe that now. No one thinks anymore that Obama even knows how to make numbers add up. He’s sort of guy we could give a dollar to and tell him to get one item from the dollar store and then he’d return with a new car and tell us, “Don’t worry; it’s paid for!”

* Actually, my radio was on an AM station for my couple minute drive home from work, so I caught just a few minutes of Obama’s speech inadvertently. All I heard was that it’s really important to keep taxes low on the middle class but we have to raise taxes on the wealthy for recovery. Really? How does that work? We’re going to take money away from the wealthy — people who have demonstrated they know how to responsibly handle money to create more jobs and wealth — and hand it over to the politicians in Washington who have shown they can fritter away hundreds of billions to no effect. And this helps us recover how? The left like to claim their pro-science, but their quite obvious anti-rudimentary logic with their obsession of taxing the rich while the economy is failing.

I’m not selfish. I’m in the middle class, and I rather not get a tax cut if it means raising taxes on the people who have created most of the jobs we have. At the encouragement of people like Obama, we’re becoming a nation of greedy poor people coveting the wealth of others, and it’s nothing but destructive.

* So hundreds of longshoremen stormed a port in Washington and held guards hostage and broke stuff. No one was arrested.

What?

This isn’t a third world country. Things like this shouldn’t happen here, especially unpunished. If there are so many dumb thugs together on one area that the police can’t deal with them, send in the military and shoot them. Peaceful protest in this country is great, but as soon as you become a violent mob intimidating people, you lose all rights and sympathy. That’s the way it should be in this country. We don’t want to be like Europe where people riot for days unabated because we’re too weak-willed to stand up for ourselves. People get this idea they have rights to everyone else’s stuff and can take and smash what they want, and then we end up with… a Democrat congress.

* Notice how the longshoremen violence is getting little coverage, but imagine if people identifying themselves as Tea Party members did anything similar? It would be the lead news story for weeks. Theoretical right-wing violence still gets much more press than actual left-wing violence.

That reminds me: Anyone introducing one of the Republican presidential candidates should refer to the Obama administration and say, “Let’s take those sons of bitches out!” as it’s now been established by Obama that’s okay speech.

* Maxine Waters is urging Obama to treat blacks like Iowans, to which Obama responded, “But I’m already extremely patronizing to them.”

* The more I think about this whole Social Security thing, the more I’m thinking I’m done with Romney. I mean, I guess I’ll support him if he’s the nominee, but it’s really hard to get behind someone who will defend the status quo on entitlements for political expediency. I mean, I don’t really expect much to happen if Perry is president, but at least there’s a chance he’ll do something. Romney just doesn’t seem to have any real conservative principles, though, and is just a politician trying to get elected. I’m sick of that. Really, out of the group, I want Herman Cain to be president as he’s the least politiciany, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Man, I bet Star Trek’s 45th anniversary and the NFL season opener falling on the same day is causing a lot of schedule conflicts for nobody.” –Sean Thomason

* Let’s once again see what a bounty of spam the Great Landlord has blessed us with!

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The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

So did your sister drop your iPhone on your iPad? Have you considered criminal charges against her? Or maybe getting her some mental help. She sounds kind of sociopathic.

Howdy, just becme conscious of your blog through Yhoo, nd locted tht it’s truly eductionl. I’m going to wtch out for brussels. I will probbly be grteful within the event you continue this in future. Plenty of folks will probbly be benefited out of your writing. Thnkx

I guess while you were unconscious, some stole your ‘A’ key. Maybe it was that girl dropping the iPhones. I hope someone does something about that menace!

* Have a great weekend, everyone! I’m going to be traveling on business Monday through Thursday next week, so I may or may not be blogging. Who knows? You’ll have to tune in to find out!

* So the debate on MSNBC… not as horrible as I was thinking it would be. Certainly not as bad as the CNN debate. There was just the one over the top bad part was where they felt the need to bring out a guy from Telemundo to ask a question about illegal immigration. “But can you talk about building a fence on the border… WITH A HISPANIC PERSON STARING AT YOU!”

It really just looked like a race between Romney and Perry in the end. I mean, Newt Gingrich was entertaining, Ron Paul was crazy, Herman Cain talked about the number nine, Santorum was… there, and Bachmann… I think Bachmann was there too but I can’t really remember her, but it all really came down to a battle between Perry and Romney. Oh, wait, I forgot Huntsman. How could I forget Huntsman? Probably because he’s boring and pointless.

Anyway, there were some real attacks between Romney and Perry on who had the better jobs record (Perry said that Dukakis created more jobs as governor than Romney — that’s almost a low blow). There was also an exchange on Social Security, where Perry stuck by his statement that its a Ponzi scheme and can’t be maintained in its current form. Romney tried to defend Social Security, and after this exchange his campaign e-mailed out “PERRY DOES NOT BELIEVE SOCIAL SECURITY SHOULD EXIST”. Romney pretty much lost me here; demagoging on Social Security should be the unforgivable sin of the Republican Party. Something has to be done about it to keep our country from financially collapsing, so we don’t need people in our own party trying to scare old people to win votes. That whole issue just reminds me that deep down, Romney is just a skilled, slick politician and doesn’t really have any principles in this fight. Perry showed some political courage on this issue, and that’s all I’m hoping for.

So that was pretty much the debate. Oh, and there was that funny part where Brian Williams was trying to shame Perry on capital punishment and got interrupted by applause for the number of people Perry has executed. In Texas, you kill people, they kill you back.

* Obama’s jobs speech that no one cares about is tonight. Anyway, according to CEOs, the best way Obama could help jobs is by getting out of their way. I don’t think Obama is going to do that. He is quite certain he’s way smarter than anyone at running a business from all his experience organizing communities. Fortunately, Obama doesn’t actually know what a real business looks like so maybe we can give him something else to play with and tell him its a business. Like we could hand him some keys and say, “Here’s a business.” And then Obama will smile and jingle the keys and yell, “I’m creating jobs!” Good job, Obama. Good job.

* Oh, and for all those worried about losing the tax cut on corporate jets, Obama is going to propose to keep it as part of his jobs bill. Yes, Obama did endlessly demagogue about it, but now he’s decided to keep it because… I have no idea. Maybe he has no motive. Maybe he just does crazy things for no reason. He’s kinda like the Joker that way. Anyone make that comparison before?

* Al Gore is angry at Obama for dropping the EPA smog standards. Al Gore is all like, “These new standards will kill penguins. Someone take me in my private jet to the corner store to pick up milk.” And Obama is all like, “I’m Obama! Do not question me! I’m Obama!” Man, if we got those two in a ring, wouldn’t that be an epic slap fight?

* The Democrats keep pointing out that, while Obama is unpopular, Congress is more unpopular, but according to a new poll, 47% to 41% want Congress to be controlled by Republicans. So if Dems were thinking they could take back Congress any time soon, not going to happen. It takes at least six to eight years of complete Republican control before people get so sick of Republicans that they forget how bad Dems are. Well, hopefully for Dems, we’ll get to that Republican control soon.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Al Sharpton and Ed Schultz analyzing Republican politics is like Richard Simmons analyzing diesel engine repair.” –Matthew Sheffield

* NASA has some new photos of the moon where you can see one of the Apollo landing sites and footprints and moon buggy tracks. This probably won’t satisfy conspiracy theorists who think we didn’t land on the moon because you can’t actually prove these footprints weren’t just left by moon people.

Man, I hope in the future there won’t be nuke the moon deniers who claim we didn’t nuke the moon and it wasn’t awesome. I mean, everyone will be able to look at the moon while its happening and see how awesome it is. If someone claims it didn’t happen, then they’re probably just trying to annoy me, and it’s not going to work because I’m going to punch them in the face.