* There’s a new New York Post column by me. It’s about whether Americans are just too sissy for freedom anymore. Well, I know IMAO readers aren’t, but maybe others.

* So, things aren’t going so well for Herman Cain. More allegations are popping up, and while we still don’t know exactly who he did things to or what he supposedly did, it’s enough noise now that more and more people are assuming something is there. Could someone with allegations against him like these stand up to Obama? We know Obama doesn’t sexually harass us. He patronizes us, belittles us, and at times ignores us, but never sexually harasses us.

* So if Cain is imploding, which not-Romney do we go to next? Perry still just can’t gain traction, so SECOND LOOK AT NEWT! Sure his past is a bit shaky and there was that odd criticism of Paul Ryan’s plan, but he’s also so smart… most of the time. We’d love to see him slap around Obama in the debates. Come on, people; let’s keep believing. We can have a not-Romney future!

* A problem with Newt, though — he’s gotten into a spat with a powerful enemy: Meghan McCain. We know Newt has a powerful intellect, but can it stand up to that of Meghan McCain? I don’t know. Maybe we should move on.

* According to the White House, no one would be even talking about jobs if it weren’t for Obama’s jobs bill. Those guys really live in some alternate universe. And it’s not like they learn anything interesting from that universe that will help this one.

Then again, maybe people aren’t talking about jobs because there are none to talk about.

* Well, Occupy Oakland has basically turned into rioters, but it’s all for a good cause of DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY’RE TRYING TO ACHIEVE?

Well, OWS’s favorabilities are cratering, but it’s all to help them achieve… something.

* The Time Magazine bureau chief said that the French magazine that got firebombed by Muslims had it coming. Shouldn’t someone with such a cowardly and callous attitude towards the right to free speech be shunned by any respected publication?

Oh yeah; he’s writing at Time.

* Apparently people have been exploring the question of whether a single Marine unit could destroy the Roman empire at its height. It might even become a movie.

Something to consider: While the Marines’ modern weaponry would decimate the Romans, in this scenario they’re stuck back in time so they wouldn’t be able to resupply bullets or gas for tanks.

So, any Marines want to weigh in? Any Romans?

* You know how everyone has their idea of what a fair tax plan is? Well, I have now unveiled the “Frank J. Fleming Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan” at PJ Media and it is the fairest of them all. I mean, it’s crazy fair. You’ll recoil in horror and scream, “No! Too fair!” That’s how fair it is.

* According to Nancy Pelosi, no jobs is better than non-union jobs. And considering how little is union these days, I guess Pelosi wants to see something like 90% unemployment before things start improving.

Again, I ask, why do we give these people any influence whatsoever over business? I wouldn’t trust these people to sort paperclips, and yet we have them making decisions about important things. We won’t have a recovery until these people lose all their power, and we won’t have justice until they live penniless on the streets.

* Obama is taking aim at election laws that prevent fraud because they’re really going to need that edge this next year. Also, some liberals are actually talking about giving children the vote. The left like to claim that the Tea Party are dumb and uninformed, but how come their reelection efforts always amount to them trying to get as many dumb and uninformed people to the polls as possible? I don’t think the left is going to be satisfied until voting for the president is done through an internet poll. And that’s how we’ll end up with Ron Paul as president.

* A new Ronald Reagan statue has been unveiled in D.C., and that made me think you could easily take this column I did comparing Obama to a sack of hammers and replace “sack of hammers” with “Reagan statue”. Think of if: President Ronald Reagan statue. You know he’ll be laissez-faire.

* BTW, in a recent poll, more people wished Ronald Reagan was president for this crisis than wanted FDR back in office. Ha! People trust Reagan over Roosevelt. What a great left-wing realignment Obama started.

* A French satirical newspaper got firebombed for making fun of Mohammad. In the war against Islamists, we need to protect our satire. I can’t stress that enough. I mean, it would really suck if you had all these great Mohammad jokes and couldn’t use them out of fear of firebombs. Me, I am always eating bacon to keep Islamists at bay. Works like a crucifix to a vampire. And is tasty.

* In a radio ad for handgun classes in Texas, it was advertised that the instructor would not teach Muslims or Obama voters. He may be in trouble for discrimination against Muslims, but I don’t see any law that prevents you from refusing service to Obama voters. Maybe it would be illegal, though, if being an Obama voter was taken as evidence of having a mental handicap.

* Wisdom of the Day: “SC sheriff advises on self-defense: ‘don’t get mace, get a firearm.’ If your heart’s set on mace, get the medieval kind with spikes.” –Fred Thompson

* If you want to see NPR attempt humor, this is kind of fascinating from a sociological perspective. It’s a humorous list — like I often do — targeting Metallica. It has a few things that are borderline funny, but as a whole it’s like they have a vague understanding of what humor is, but never quite seized the concept in full. Anyway, your tax dollars helped pay for that, and anything my tax dollars pay for should be as absolutely hilarious as the rest of federal government.

* So is there something to the claims of sexual harassment against Herman Cain? What we’ve been learning so far is how many details we don’t know. Who were the people who alleged sexual harassment? What was alleged? How much was the settlement? Are the people behind this all just anti-pizza extremists? Or Mitt Romney?

It is quite an October surprise — though certainly better to have it this October rather than next. Maybe, though, the harassment was just that Cain took a puff a of a cigarette and blew the smoke in the the women’s faces. He does seem to create work environments where people think that’s okay.

* So the Occupy Wall Street people were tired of being symbolically raped by bankers so they gathered together in Zuccotti park to actually get raped. Well, it’s all for a good cause… that no one can coherently explain.

* BTW, the demonstrators are trying to trademark the name “Occupy Wall Street”. It’s not a step towards coherency, but it’s nice to know some people there are concerned about capitalism. They can’t trademark “twinkles” and “down twinkles”, though, because those belong to all of humanity.

* As we’re hurtling towards nominating Romney, it is interesting that Republicans can never nominate anyone they’re enthused about. The left are always shrieking about how the GOP is going to nominate some right-wing extremist, but we can never actually do that while they often do nominate left-wing nuts for president. What Republicans always end up with is some milquetoast establishment candidate. The early states that decide the primary almost seem to have been chosen at random, but you have to wonder if there is actually some RINO genius behind them considering the results. Well, can we defy expectations and nominate someone like Herman Cain? He might harass us.

* Studies show that constantly praising your child as smart might actually harm him in the long run as he won’t have the drive to succeed and expect everything to come easily. Hey, who is someone we know who is constantly praised as smart yet seems to be unable to do anything useful as an adult. He lives in a big house. A white one. You see where I’m going with this?

* The View wants to host a Republican debate. Might be a good idea to attend. One could really ensure himself the nomination if he just locks up the shrill harpy vote.

Plus, little chance of Herman Cain harassing any of the panel.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Kid, if you don’t know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don’t deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn’t cry.” –Sean Thomason

* Only fourteen more days until my book, Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything, comes out. How are all of you doing on saving up your $1.99 for it? Almost there? If not, you might want to think about taking up a temp job to help earn the money.

I hear about how in the poorest countries they live on two dollars a day. So no matter how bad off you are, all you need to do is not eat for a day and you should have the money. Trust me; it’s worth it.

* Uh-oh. There are apparently sexual-harassment claims against Herman Cain from back when he worked for the National Restaurant Association. It’s not like he went to a crazed racist preacher for twenty years or hung out with domestic terrorists, but it’s not good. This certainly helps Romney, who has never done anything more than make a couple of harmless passes at fellow mannequins.

Still, you have to wonder if this is just the left’s playbook after Clarence Thomas. If you’re dealing with a prominent black conservative, go for charges of sexual harassment. The left really aren’t very creative with these sorts of things. It’s charge racism against everybody, and I guess this could be the back up plan.

* Snowstorms are starting to hit the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Now we’ll find if they’ll just give up or brave the cold and stay put until… whatever it is they’re trying to do.

Actually, do the OWS people have any exit plan whatsoever? Like, they say they’ll finally leave when X happens? Or are they just going to sit around while there are still rich people and greed? This could go on for years with no coherent end in sight… except for them all freezing to death.

* At least OWS is taking on the big issues. At Occupy Phoenix, a flyer is being passed around asking, “When Should You Shoot a Cop?” At some point these people go from harmless hippies to guy who launches Obama’s political career from his house.

Hey, know who could be potentially violent one day? The Tea Party. We should focus on that.

* Palestine (or, as I like to call it, “Foe-estine”) became a full member of the U.N. cultural and educational agency in defiance of Israel and the United States. I guess that U.N. agency just couldn’t continue on without the great cultural and educational contributions of the Palestinians. Well, maybe the Palestinians can be a good example of what not to do.

“So make sure you make education important or you’ll end up like the Palestinians: A bunch of violent cavemen blowing themselves up.”

“One plus one equals… jooooooooooo!”

Heh. It’s funny because their obsession with hate and violence keeps them from contributing to humanity.

* Wisdom of the Day: “About 7% of the world’s population has a college degree. Remember that next time you see a protester with a degree claim to be the 99%.” –Slublog

* And now, some bad lip reading for Herman Cain:

* So Rick Perry is thinking of skipping debates. That’s an okay strategy for someone who is well ahead, but kind of a confusing idea for someone who is becoming a footnote in the polls. Yeah, polls haven’t exactly been good for him because he has kind of come off as sleepy and incoherent, but how else is he supposed to get attention? Shoot more coyotes?

Hmm… that might work…

* In a new Democrat ploy, they’re trying to label the Congress the “Republican Congress”, hoping they can stick all the unpopularity onto the Republicans and maybe obfuscate who actually holds a majority in the Senate. Now if only they could somehow confuse people thinking that Obama is a Republican, then the GOP would be doomed.

* Surprise, surprise: Despite Obama’s pledge not to take money from lobbyists, he gets millions from them. People thought Obama was a new kind of politician, but it ends up he was just an old kind of politician who was particularly inexperienced and inept.

“Wow, this guy sure has a new way of doing things.”

“Yeah, that’s because HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING!”

* The British monarchy will no longer be sexist, as the order of succession will now be gender neutral. So they modernized the monarchy. Isn’t that a bit like putting a touch screen interface on a rotary phone? Sure, you modernized a piece of it, but the thing as a whole is pretty drastically outdated.

* New Crowder video: #OccupyRacism

The left accused the Tea Party of lots of horrible things because those were all the things they knew they’d do if they ran a protest.

Also, here is a member of the 1% confronting OWS:

Hot Air has even more video of him trying to reason with the hippies.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Does anyone know how to tactfully tell a 7-year-old he’s picked a non-canon colored lightsaber to go with his Luke costume?” –John Moltz

* John Hawkins has an article on how to speak to a liberal at the Huffington Post of all places. In it, he defines what different words mean to liberals to make it easier to understand them.

Compassion: Feeling good about yourself for wanting to give away money you didn’t earn to people you hope will vote for your side.

Interestingly, it’s similar to an article TV’s Andy Levy wrote for a college newspaper all the way back in 1987. Maybe that could lead to a spin off from Red Eye: “The Young Andy Levy Chronicles”. We’ll follow Andy Levy on his journey from young idealist to sarcastic crank… or maybe from young sarcastic crank to older sarcastic crank.

* So everyone says Herman Cain is supposed to fade and Romney is the inevitable nominee, and now Romney is ahead in the polls in the first four states of the primary. It’s just as foretold! We’re doomed!

How is it that the Republican presidential primary is set up so that we’re always stuck with a milquetoast, status quo nominee? We get right-wingers in the House and the Senate and as Governor but just can’t do it in presidential primaries. Whoever set up the Republican primary system must be some sort of RINO genius.

* Obama sure likes to reveal his complete disconnect from his fellow Americans at San Francisco fundraisers. Before the 2008 election, that’s where he talked about all the “bitter-clingers”, and now he went there to talk about the horrors of self-reliance. Yes, he considers self-reliance to be a bad thing and government reliance to be a good thing. Really, did the pilgrims come here because they were hoping to find a new government to take care of them? Did people head out West because they thought in that expanse they’d find a government to better protect them?

Not only is Obama completely incompetent, he doesn’t even have the slightest connection whatsoever with what this country is about. He’s not so much a bad president as he is an anti-president — opposed to everything an American president should be for.

When Obama is thrown out of office, for the millionth time in my adult life I will be proud of this country.

* Something is going on in Europe. I keep trying to read the article to find out what, but I can’t make myself care enough to pay attention because it’s about a bunch of foreign countries. Does that make me jingoistic? If it does, I don’t really care. But anyway, something is going on in Europe. Thought you should know.

* Look at this chart of opinion on the right to hand gun ownership over the past fifty years. Is there really any disputing that gun rights people have completely and utterly won this battle? Does anyone really think a stark trend like this that has been going on for fifty years can suddenly be reversed? Like do they think going around yelling, “Guns kill people!” is going to have any effect? “Oh? Really? They do? We totally missed that compelling argument over the past fifty years.”

Note to gun control people: It’s over. You get to go sit at the same table as racists. We’re not going back there.

Yay freedom.

* When asked, Michael Moore kept dodging the question of whether he’s in the top 1% in this country — even though it’s well known he is in both wealth and size.

Be extremely wary of anyone giving weaselly politician non-answers who is not a politician. Also, be wary of politicians.

Really, though, I have trouble understanding how anyone takes this guy seriously — and I’m very good at understanding most anything because I’m super smart. But this is beyond me. I don’t think there has been anyone in human history more obviously full of it than Michael Moore, and it’s incomprehensible that anyone who has something resembling human intelligence would look at him and say, “Here is someone with a genuine, useful point of view.”

But, hey, he makes lots of money. Go capitalism!

* The Democrats recall effort on Governor Walker isn’t going so great. But I thought there was huge outrage against him for taking on unions? Weren’t unions so popular… a hundred years ago?

Maybe unions will have a big comeback… along with the radio serial.

* Heh.

* Rick Perry has now come up with a bold new tax plan filled with bold tax flavors. Instead of 9-9-9, we have 20/20 which is a 20% flat tax on income and a 20% corporate tax. Of course, those add up to 40, while Cain’s plan only adds up to 27… if that’s how you judge these things. I have no idea.

I do like the filing taxes on a postcard idea. That should stimulate the economy, though at the same time there will be a ton of job losses with IRS agents, tax accountants, and people who make income tax related software. Growing pains I guess.

Mitt Romney has offered no new tax plan — those are scary — but he will try and soothe the economy with his confident, presidential looking smile.

* Obama has a new simplistic slogan: “We can’t wait”. I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t that more of slogan for how most Americans are feeling for the 2012 opportunity to kick Obama out of office? Still, the White House is operating under the fantasy that there are people still out there expectantly waiting for Obama’s new plans. If there are, they’re probably restrained and under medication.

* Based on the economic forecast, it’s projected that Obama will get 43.5% of the vote. That’s probably not going to do it. Anyway, Science! made this prediction — just like it has for global warming — which means we can’t doubt it and there is no reason to even have the election unless we’re anti-science and so should probably just start moving Obama out now. Obama, your Hummel figurines are out on the curb.

* We’ve now witnessed one of the strangest sights ever in a political ad: A man smoking a cigarette. Yes, at the end of the Herman Cain ad, this man just casually puffs at a cigarette like that’s something people do. No shame whatsoever. It’s unprecedented.

I bet Obama is hoping the ad is successful, because then he’ll smoke all through his campaign ads. Since he can’t really make a positive ad for himself, he might as well use them as smoke breaks.

* So now that Qdaffy is gone, how much sharia do you want in Libya? A decent amount? A lot? Well, there’s going to be some. It may be a more moderate sharia, though, so instead of getting murdered for breaking stupid Islamic laws, you just get severely beaten or something. And they’re bringing back polygamy, so yay.

The countries in the Middle East seem kind of in a rut no matter what help they get, and I notice one common factor among all the troubled countries there. I’m going to be polite and not point it out, though.

* A 74-year-old grandma tried to sell a speck of a moon rock she had from her deceased, engineer husband, and NASA ended up capturing her in a sting where armed, flak-jacket wearing feds swooped in and dragged away the frightened old woman. So if you wondering what NASA is doing now that the space shuttle has been retired, they’re devoting all their resources to SCARING OLD LADIES. We really need to find those people some more space stuff to do.

* Netflix has lost 800,000 subscribers. That’s capitalism for you: You raise prices, people don’t like that. Good to know that’s still working.

* Onion article: “Mitt Romney’s Goal To Connect With One Voter By The Time This Is All Over.” I’m sure he’ll eventually excite one voter, but if you pull the lever excitedly or grudgingly, it still counts the same.

* So we’re leaving Iraq now for good. I’m not sure if we won or if we just got tired of it (maybe that’s the same thing). I guess that’s good. Or bad. Or something. I have no idea anymore.

The thing is, though, there will still be thousands of armed Americans in Iraq — it’s just that they’ll be “contractors”. I guess that’s the new way to fudge things, because they’ll run around shooting people and getting shot but no one ever counts them as American troops. I wonder if we’ll see more contractor deployments in the future as a way to pretend we don’t have a military presence in places.

“Yes, we have no military presence in that country — just 10,000 contractors.”

“Doing what?”

“Well… contract stuff. You know, renovating kitchens, building indoor swimming pools, murdering dictators…”

* Obama’s approval rating has a hit a new low in Gallup. The only president who had a lower 11th quarter average in approval than Obama was Carter, so he’s still the low watermark. All Obama has to do now is aim to be better than Carter and hopefully lose the presidency in a somewhat competitive election instead of a huge landslide.

* Bobby Jindal won reelection to Governor of Louisiana in a landslide Saturday, getting 66% of the vote against nine other opponents. The DNC didn’t even bother supporting anyone against him. Jindal just needs to be careful to keep hiding the fact that he’s a minority, as people are very racist in the South… especially Republicans.

* Joe Biden said he hasn’t ruled out a 2016 run for president, which makes him the only one left in America who hasn’t ruled that out.

Then again, if we don’t support him for president, he may rape and murder us.

* In hippie news, Occupy Wall Street protesters in England (kind of far from Wall Street) have shut down St. Paul’s Cathedral. It’s the first time since the Blitz the cathedral was shut down. So, SMELLY HIPPIES ARE AS BAD AS BEING BOMBED BY NAZIS!!!

Also, since Occupy Wall Street protesters are just like us, they spend most of their time talking and debating about drums. Are they really so clueless that they think “drumming circle” means anything to anyone else other than “dumb hippies”?

* Fareed Zakaria, that really weird guy with that freaky Cheshire Cat grin, says there should be a 50% inheritance tax, because, I guess, the government really owns everything and we should just basically just surrender this idea of private property to it. What we really need is some sort of restraining order we can issue to certain people to keep them away from government, because I really want to make sure thinking like that never even comes within a hundred yards of actual policy. Man, it’s so much easier when people with views like these are in an enemy nation so you just shoot them; it’s confusing on what to do when they’re citizens of your own country.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Our son’s teacher emailed us to be ‘vigilante’ about head lice. Time to go turn in my badge. But not my gun.” –Scott Simpson

* 22 more days until Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything comes out. I hope you’re all working to save up that $1.99.

I’ve also got the first seven chapters of my SF novel ready for people to give a critique of (and will have the rest ready soon). Tell me if you’re interested in giving it a look. I’m not at this point as interested in edits as I am high-level critiques like whether the story is at all engaging and what you think of the characters. I would just post the chapters here on the blog, but I’m worried about that causing problems with publishers later on.

* It seems kind of pretentious, but I made a fan page for myself on Facebook. You can like it and then follow my rising writing career through that new Facebook thing. I assume everyone is already following me on Twitter… where I’m HILARIOUS.

* Don’t know what to think about this Qdaffy thing other than that I hope killing dictators will be the cool new thing from Obama. “There can be only one!”

* Apparently, Steve Jobs told Obama that he was headed for a one-term presidency. So not only was Jobs a genius innovator who changed the face of technology in this world, but he also could make extremely obvious observations.

You know, Obama should really start wearing a black turtle neck all the time. Then, when he’s voted out of office, he can just declare that he was too cool for us.

* Of course, maybe Obama doesn’t want to run for reelection. Do you know who he put in charge of submitting the paperwork for him running for office? Joe Biden.

BIDEN: “Okay, here’s the paperwork.”

CLERK: “That’s a ham sandwich.”

BIDEN: “It can’t be. I had my lunch in one box and the paperwork in another, and I stopped and ate my lunch before coming here… wait the lunch was kind of dry.”

CLERK: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t put Obama on the ballot if all you have is a ham sandwich.”

BIDEN: “Don’t make me rape and murder you!”

* Pew Research did a survey on what’s the first word that comes to mind when the Republican candidate names are mentioned. For Perry, it’s “Texas”, for Herman Cain, it’s “9-9-9” (successful branding!), and for Romney, it’s “Mormon” — which is way better than the first word that comes to my mind. They also did a survey of the first words that came to mind when Obama was mentioned, but they couldn’t publish it because it was obscene.

* Hey it’s another half-billion loan of our tax money spent by Obama — this time to build electric cars in Finland. When Obama talks about the jobs he’s saved and created, is he talking America or worldwide? At least this company hasn’t gone out of business like Solyndra — and why would they; Finland has a very stable, non-Obama economy.

So, yeah, let’s give Obama hundreds of billions more to spend; he’s super smart with it.

* British and American lawyers had a debate in Philadelphia about whether the Declaration of Independence was legal. The British lawyers argued that secession was not the proper tool by which to settle internal arguments, and the Americans countered by shooting them with muskets.

Works every time.

* Reports are that Qdaffy is captured or dead or something. I hope they give him a proper Muslim burial and chuck him in the sea.

* In an interview with Jake Tapper, Obama said, “I believe all the choices we’ve made have been the right ones.” So look at the state of the country right now. THIS IS WHAT HE MEANT TO DO! Isn’t that basically admitting to treason? Why won’t someone go arrest him? Maybe he’s replaced all federal officials with terrorists. He really did think of everything. All his choices have been the right ones… FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS COUNTRY!

* Here’s an interesting factoid: Obama has gotten more Wall Street money than all the Republicans combined. But he stands with the 99%. Or at least with THEIR MONEY THAT WAS TAKEN FROM THEM BY GREEDY WALL STREET BANKERS!

* But don’t worry: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is on top of our economic problem. He said:

“The massive layoffs we have had in America today, of course, are rooted in the last administration, and it is very clear that private sector jobs are doing just fine.”

Wait? He thinks that the massive losses in private sector jobs is “just fine”. He’s a part of the “right” decisions Obama has been making! HE WANTS OUR ECONOMY TO CRUMBLE! Why are these people out there destroying the nation and not in prison? And who are these “Nevadans” who keep electing Reid? Why aren’t they also in prison?

* And it only gets worse from this administration. Right now, Joe Biden is going around THREATENING TO RAPE EVERYONE! If the jobs bill isn’t passed, he has vowed to rape everyone he can. Here’s what he said at a recent townhall meeting:

“You are going to pass this jobs bill or I am going to rape you. You, listening to this now — you will be raped. You can try to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, but nothing will stop me from raping everyone if this bill isn’t passed.”

Again, why do we let these people walk the streets of our nation? Isn’t anyone watching them?

* Occupy Wall Street is still out there being angry at stuff, and they’re still working on exactly what that stuff is. Luckily, they now have a Demands Working Group to work on their demands. As part of that, they may have a discussion on what demands are… so once they figure what a demand is, I’m sure they’ll have lots of them.

Organizing hippies has to be like herding kittens… except kittens don’t smell so bad.

* Wisdom of the Day: “There should be a high-end steak house called Carl’s Sr.” –Dave Weigel

* Getting close to the time to really start pimping my new ebook Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything.

It now has an Amazon page ready for preorder (though, since it’s an ebook, it doesn’t make much difference if you preorder it or get it on the day it comes out — November 15th — same day as the new reading device the Kindle Fire). My book is also at all the other ebook sellers.

And it’s only $1.99.

Yes, it’s a short ebook. But you’ll get your $1.99 worth guaranteed. The part where I compare Obama to every previous president is worth the price of admission alone.

So everyone has to buy it. At $1.99, you have no excuse. If you’re rich enough to be reading this blog on some internet connected screen, then you’re rich enough to have $1.99. What is that; less than twenty minutes work at minimum wage? And you have between now and November 15th to save it up. So you will buy this book. No excuses.

* I have a new Pajamas Media column on what Occupy Wall Street has to do before they have their Kent State moment. I mean, getting shot by the National Guard is always a good idea, but you have to do some prep work first.

* So there was a Republican debate in Las Vegas last night hosted by one of the two guys from Siegfried & Roy — no, wait, it was Anderson Cooper.

Okay, weirdest thing: Romney actually had a cheering section. Pretty much everywhere, people are just “meh” about Romney, but at this debate the crowd was cheering anything he said and booing quite legitimate attacks on him. I hear this is because Nevada has a large Mormon population and apparently they cheer on any Mormon even if he’s a weasel (or if he’s a decrepit husk of man, as that would explain how Reid keeps getting reelected). Anyway, it was very off-putting. And for some reason, with Romney having a favorable crowd, this was the debate the other candidates decided to really go after Romney. Man is that guy hard to nail down. They’ll hit him with a devastating point, and he’ll just deflect, go off on a tangent, or completely lie.

Well, I’m just griping; apparently it’s determined now he’s going to be our nominee. I will refuse to vote for him, though — but only because I’m in Idaho and it won’t matter.

Anyway, Perry was a bit more alert for this debate, but he always just seems to be treading the line between coherence and incoherence. And early on everyone gained up on Cain and his 9-9-9 plan giving him the image of being the front runner. And there were other people at the debate, but let’s stop pretending they’re important. Some people say they’d like to see Newt Gingrich in a debate with Obama, but I wasn’t impressed with how he stood up to Romney. He tried to attack Romney on the individual mandate, but Romney came back and said he got the idea from Gingrich and the Heritage Foundation. It’s like Gingrich came into Romney’s bedroom and found him working on an individual mandate and yelled, “Who taught you how to do this stuff?” And Romney screamed back, “From you, all right?! I learned it by watching you!” Parents who do social engineering have children who do social engineering.

So how much longer is all this going on? If Romney is going to be the nominee, let’s just the rip the band-aid and get this over with. It’s just the sitting here looking at the doctor hold the giant needle that’s killing me.

* Then again, Obama actually came out and specifically attacked Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan. Usually, the president would ignore anything he doesn’t consider a real threat, but then again Obama is kind of stupid and irritable. Still, getting attacked by the president gives Cain some more bona fides.

I keep thinking that because we all hate Romney, there has to be a way we can get another nominee, but I remember McCain in 2008. Oy. We Republicans.

* In defending Obama about being unprepared to be president, David Axelrod said, “So when you say he wasn’t prepared, maybe you should go ask Osama bin Laden if he thought he was.” Yeah, expect Osama to be trotted out a lot — it’s Obama’s one positive accomplishment he can point to.

“We don’t have jobs.”

“Well, know who also doesn’t have a job? Osama — because he’s dead!”

* Thieves stole Obama’s teleprompters. When reached for comment, Obama’s reaction was, “I don’t know what to say.”

* Wisdom of the Day: “You know whose opinion on Mormonism I’d like to hear? Jeremiah Wright.” –David Burge

* In case you want your picture taken with the First Lady, it costs $10,000. The fee is needed to make sure the First Lady is never pictured with poor people. They often tend to be obese.

* New New York Post column by me on the Occupy Wall Street hippies. I thought this one was chock full of wisdom. What’s your favorite line from it? I think mine might have been:

“In fact, by looking at protest attendance, you might conclude that the most oppressed group in American society are white college students.”

* Obama says that the GOP wants “dirtier air, dirtier water, less people with health insurance.” He forgot to add that the GOP also wants thin mustaches to twirl as we laugh evilly.

You know, our tax dollars are paying for Obama to drive around in a bus and say things like that. Think of how much money we’d save if we made Obama just sit in a corner and think about what he’s done.

* According to a Rasmussen poll, Herman Cain leads Obama 43 to 41 percent in a head to head match up. That’s better than any of the other potential GOP candidates. That means to be a smart Republican, you have to support Herman Cain for president. Otherwise you’re a dumb extremist who doesn’t focus on electability.

* The Wall Street Journal interviewed 200 protesters at Zuccotti Park to find out what their beliefs are, and — surprise surprise — they’re extreme leftists whose views are counter to most Americans. Also, a third are for using violence to support their cause — I guess if they finally figure out what their cause is. Strangely, about half of them supported the Wall Street bailout. So they’re protesting Wall Street, but they’re okay with the government throwing hundreds of billions of our money at them. We better act like we understand that, or they may get violent towards us.

It really seems like this isn’t a protest against oppression, but a protest for more oppression — for more big government. Plus, they’re willing to be violent in support of it. It’s one of those days I’m happy we have the 2nd Amendment. Those days end in ‘y’.

* For the first time ever, 50% of those polled supported legalizing marijuana. I don’t see any other way to look at this than that president is driving people to do drugs. Good job, Mr. Sunshine.

* Images prove that Ron Paul wears eyebrow toupees.

Fake eyebrows for fake beliefs.

This makes him a huge hypocrite because EYEBROW TOUPEES ARE NOT MENTIONED IN THE CONSTITUTION!

* According to science — SCIENCE! — global warming is causing plants and animals to become smaller. That means in the future when an angry polar bear charges you, you’ll just be able to pick it up and chuck it away. Score another one for global warming and progress! Also, I wonder if this means I’ll soon be able to own a cute little redwood bonsai tree?

Hmm… I wonder if global warming is what caused Lilliput.

* Wisdom of the Day: “I’ve heard it said a monkey is 99% human. They are the 99%.” –Pastor Ed

* Here’s a neat link I got from zamoose: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Noses

“God is the artist. I just find the ninja turtle in his work.”

There is so much genius on the internet.

* Obama has started to use the Occupy Wall Street’s “99%” rhetoric in White House statements. Isn’t that great to know that president doesn’t stand for all Americans and is instead comfortable playing them against each other. And isn’t there just something a bit disturbing — maybe fascistic — about the president expressing solidarity with a violent, law-breaking mob? I’m not saying he’s going to start rounding up and executing the 1%… but Steve Jobs is already dead and who knows what the real story there.

Anyway, Obama should be more worried about 50% — a number he’s very unlikely to see vote for him in the next presidential election.

* BTW, in addition to Obama, the Nazis and Commies have joined up with OWS. Maybe they’ll help in giving OWS some more coherent demands.

Perhaps the 1% that OWS is screaming about is the Jewish population. Usually that’s rounded to 2%, but it doesn’t look like the group has a lot of math whizzes.

* Did we start another war over the weekend? Apparently, we’ve sent some troops to Uganda… just not very many of them. So now Obama hasn’t started less wars than Bush, he’s just started smaller ones.

Everyone seems to not like war, yet apparently he’s really hard to be president and not start new ones. I know I couldn’t do it. I mean, Canada is right there and filled with oil and ours for the taking!

* Apparently, Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan is sponsored by the new Sim City game, as it has a commercial tax, industrial tax, residential tax that the player can set and the default for all three is 9. I wish more liberals would play Sim City so they could at least first see in a virtual world what happens if you just raise taxes every time you want more revenue. In Sim City, eventually people leave your city if your taxes are too high and you ended up with stilted growth and less revenue. A great video game lesson. Also, it’s fun to have Godzilla attack your city.

* On MSNBC, Ed Schultz said that Herman Cain is using rhetoric to appeal to anti-black racists. I can see one minor flaw in that argument.

See, I told you that nothing — NOTHING — can stop the left from using the racist argument because that is absolutely all they have. Of course, it makes them look so dumb you kind of wonder if MSNBC hosts should wear helmets to keep from hurting themselves.

Interestingly, Schultz claimed that saying you were going to “break” someone is racist code language. So when Ivan Drago told Rocky that he must break him, it was actually a racist crack about Apollo. Extra subtext there.

Man, was Olbermann really the smart one?

* Obama is heading out on another bus tour. Because that’s the job of a president: To ride around on a bus and give completely useless speeches. Well, it is the absolute best Obama can do.

Obama is denying the trip is campaign related. Don’t you just love it how the president can casually lie to our faces like that as if we’re absolute morons. Of course, we Republicans can’t complain too much because we’re soon going to nominate Romney.

* Wisdom of the Day: “There is something delightful in the fact that the police are far more ethnically diverse than Occupy Wall Street.” –The Arquette Sisters

* Just in case you missed it, I had a column in the New York Post on Saturday. Also, my ebook, Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything, comes out November 15th. It will only be $1.99, so you’ll have no excuse not to buy it. It should be available for preorder soon on all the major book sites.

Isn’t it nice how I’m like a major writer yet I still make time to write blog post for you people? Still, my dream is to become a novelist, and I’m doing my best to eke out a little time to keep working on that. I’ve decided with my current novel project, I should get some people to read it and give high level opinions on it before I worry about doing the final editing. Don’t know if anyone would be interested in giving my SF novel a look, but anyone I send it to would have to be trusted. So probably not you guys. You creep me out sometimes.

* “You filthy hippies get out of the park so we can clean it.”

“No, man. Clean parks are a tool of corporate greed!”

“How is that?”

“I… uh… Wall Street bankers are ruining this country!”

What exactly is this Occupy Wall Street thing about again? The owners — private owners — of the park the hippies are camping in wanted to finally clean the place and restore sanitary conditions, but the hippies refused to move and now the cleanup has been postponed. Yay! Filthy hippies get to remain filthy!

But before you get too angry at the hippies, at least remember all the endless entertainment they bring us. Watch this video — at least up until they explain the first two hippie hand signs:

What it must be like to live without any self-awareness. Just wish we could have seen the hippie brainstorming session that came up with these hand signs; they should really put that sort of thing on CSPAN.

So is Occupy Wall Street destined to become a popular mainstream movement? I’m going to give that a “down twinkles”.

* Obama raised $70 million in the last quarter. What kind of depraved individual sees the condition of the country and says, “I want more of this! I better open up my checkbook!” Maybe the Occupy Wall Street hippies have a point: Some millionaires obviously really really hate this country and want to destroy it.

* Pelosi said about a recent bill that Republicans are voting so that “women can die on the floor”. I don’t even know what the details of the bill are, but that’s not the sort of rhetoric that makes me say, “Wow! I better further examine this extreme bill!” Instead, it makes me say, “What a hyperventilating weirdo. My guess is the bill is pretty vanilla and Pelosi’s mouth just flaps a lot to no purpose.” In what universe did the Democrats think Pelosi was a smart idea for leader? Why do they even keep her around after 2010? It makes me think the House Democrats are depressed and suicidal. Luckily I don’t care if they die on the floor… as long as it’s not my floor.

* A lot of people are wary of Cain’s 9-9-9 plan, but now Paul Ryan and famous curve drawer Art Laffer have come out in favor of it. I just so want to believe Cain is a serious candidate and that we’re not going to get stuck with Romney, whom we all hate, and some institutional support would certainly help Cain there. I mean, Obama is so vulnerable, and the best we can do is Romney? We can’t find someone the GOP base even marginally likes? What is it with Republicans and presidential primaries?

* It’s Crowder on Occupy Wall Street! Do you think there is humor to be found there?

* Wisdom of the Day: “The whole ‘I refuse to give the gov’t more money freely, please take it by force!’ ideology seems very S&M.” –PoliticalMath

* Another day, another liberal yearning for a fascistic dictatorship. Jesse Jackson Jr. (I thought he was in prison?) suggested that Obama declare a state of emergency and pass everything he wants without congressional approval. Liberals are always looking at our system and growling about how the checks and balances are stopping them from doing everything they want, which means the system is working exactly as the Founders intended.