Archive of posts filed under the Nuke the News category.

Nuke the News: Dog-Eaters and Other Unpopular Politicians

Posted by on

* I think I might be about tapped out of Obama dog-eating jokes. Eh, I’m sure I’ll think of more eventually. Anyway, there’s now a Dogs Against Obama website. Here’s a video from it:

And here’s a special video about the most terrorized dog out there, Bo:

If you told me as a kid that we’d have a black president, I’d say, “Of course. I always assumed we would.” But if you told me we’d have a president who ate dogs, I’d say, “What! The Soviets win?!”

* Now that the general election is pretty much underway, who is up for some more VP speculation? Much of it is focused on Marco Rubio who is going to be giving some “major foreign policy speech” for some reason. Is he prepping himself for the national stage? The only problem is that the World Net Daily says Rubio isn’t eligible to be president and that the toaster over is spying on them.

The other name mentioned a lot is Rob Portman who is the the governor of Ohio who sjdaklja…

Whoops, I fell asleep there. He’s apparently the boring safe choice. Boring might be good, though. We can’t all have exciting picks like Joe Biden who just the other day referred to the Florida everglades as the “ever-gators.” That guy is full of endless amusement.

* Hey, I have an idea for something the GOP can declare a war on — how about a “War on People Looking for Distractions from How Bad Obama Has Been at Being President.” I mean, the dog stuff is fun and all, but let’s not forget about how absolutely terrible Obama is at everything. A lot of people think Obama has a good shot at being reelected, but I really don’t think they’re factoring in the horrible at being president enough into their calculations.

* John Edwards has a 3% approval rating right now. Did he eat a dog too?

Hey do you remember how, despite being an obvious horrible phony to anyone with a lick of sense, he was the Democrats choice for VP in 2004? And then the Daily Kos flocked behind him in 2008 as the real progressive concerned about the poor and suffering? Let us never forget. The left would literally line up behind Hitler if Hitler learned to parrot the right stuff about “women’s health issues” and such.

* Jon Huntsman compared the GOP to the Communist Chinese for some reason, and of course Slate is encouraging him to form a third party.

“Party of one for Mr. Huntsman.”

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

Nuke the News: When Will Obama Address His Dog-Eating?

Posted by on

* As you can see in the Village Voice post Harvey linked this morning, some liberals seem to be having trouble understanding what’s so funny about the president eating a dog and why the right keeps making jokes about it. I’ll try to explain: OBAMA ATE A DOG!

* Obama still hasn’t addressed the American people about his dog eating. There are many unanswered questions, such as is he sorry about it, and how many dogs has he eaten, and when did he last eat one, and will he promise to America’s children whether he’ll stop eating their puppies. People need to know, yet he stands there silent… perhaps digesting a dog.

And hey, Obama, it’s either talk about this or about what a lousy president you are.

* Got a fund raising email from Newt Gingrich touting how he’s the last conservative left in the presidential race. Come on, dude. I mean, there’s being positive, and there’s being a crazy psycho. You’re kind of teetering over the edge there.

* So how is everyone adjusting to the knowledge that Romney is our nominee? It could be worse. He’s well-spoken, he has economic knowledge, and he’s never eaten a dog. We could win this.

* Zimmerman is out of prison on bail. I notice how many on the left are super hopeful they can turn this Zimmerman thing into a push for more gun control — as they were the last couple high profile shootings to no effect. They don’t really think these things through. Like, how many people are honestly worried about getting shot by the neighborhood watch? I’d think most of those people are criminals, and they don’t usually turn out in large numbers at the polls despite how much that would help the Democrats. Yet, hopeful liberals are always thinking that anytime a tragedy happens people will just throw up their hands and say, “That’s it; let’s give up on this freedom idea. Liberals: You tell us what to do to keep us safe.” Not going to happen; not while there’s a few people left who call themselves Americans with pride.

* Here’s an interesting idea: Have people for Congress chosen at random. Like jury duty (BTW, I just got a summons for jury duty — it sucks!). I can see a lot of advantages to it, as this whole electing people give those idiots an inflated sense of pride that wouldn’t happen if they were just chosen at random. And it’s not like we could accidentally find anyone too dumb for the job — it’s just voting yes or no on stuff. It’s worth consideration; random means less of a chance we end up with sociopaths as our current election system seems specially designed to weed them out of society and put them in positions of power.

* Wisdom of the Day from Jim Treacher:

To all my liberal friends: Just imagine how much fun you’d have had if George Bush was a dog-eater. Then double it. #ObamaEatsDogs

* Jay Leno has noticed that Republicans are more willing to laugh at themselves than Democrats are. I’ve certainly noticed that; at times, one could almost perceive IMAO as making fun of conservatives as we find it funny to laugh at our stereotypes. I don’t see the same thing very much with the left — part of that is because they consider their politics super serial, and the other is they lack self-awareness.

That’s okay. They don’t have to make jokes about themselves; we’ll gladly do that for them.

Did you hear that the president ate a dog?

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

UPDATE: Linked by The Daily Caller

Nuke the News: Still on the Dog Thing

Posted by on

In my new New York Post column, I talk about how on spending, our country is a car speeding towards a cliff. That gives us two options: The boring one and the Evel Knievel one.

I know it’s a little scary, and some of you recall that your mother warned you not to jump off cliffs just because other kids were doing it. But what if one of the people urging you to go over a cliff is Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman? Then it’s probably worth ignoring your mother and trying.

Read. Laugh. Share. Bathe.

* We thought Obama eating a dog was bad, but then look what Romney did: he said something insulting about a cookie. On the ridiculous outrage scale from 0 to “Ate a Dog”, it ranks at OBAMA ATE A DOG!!!

* Obama is a man of the people, and for $1000 you can shake his hand. For $2000, he won’t eat your dog.

* There’s also a new fundraiser where you get to meet Obama and George Clooney at George Clooney’s house. Lassie was also going to be there, but, well, you know.

OBAMA ATE LASSIE BECAUSE OBAMA EATS DOGS!!!

* Some are wondering whether Obama actually did eat dog because dog meat is hard to find in Indonesia. Of course, Obama’s step dad sought out those meats including grasshopper and snake so that he and Obama could absorb their powers. Which leads to the obvious question: Did it work? Did Obama get snake powers? He certainly didn’t get loyalty powers from eating a dog.

* Reid is constantly trying to set the record for dumbest thing said in the Capitol… even though he’s always just trying to top the record he set previously. For this entry, he rambled on about how much old people love junk mail. When are we finally going to put him in a home? He just seems so lost and confused by everything all the time. He could accidentally do something crazy like EAT A DOG.

* Michelle Bachmann used the phrase “tar baby” and some people think that’s racist. I thought we went over this before when Tony Snow use the term: It’s not racist and you’re an idiot.

I keep wondering if people are going to call this Obama eats a dog stuff racist. Eating a dog is not a black stereotype, though; that’s just an Obama thing. Because he’s weird.

* People are going to receive unemployment while working. Here’s an idea: Why don’t you just not take away the tax money for that in the first place. Same effect, but with less costly bureaucracy in between.

I don’t know how to relate this one to Obama eating a dog.

* Even Senator McCain is making fun of Obama eating a dog. I would have thought this would be the sort of thing he would have called off limits in his 2008 campaign, but I guess one just can’t help but make fun of it. THE DUDE ATE A DOG!!!11!!elventy!1!!!

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

Nuke the News: Obama Still Ate a Dog

Posted by on

* BREAKING NEWS: It’s still true that Obama ate a dog.

* Romney says this election is about jobs, though, and not which presidential candidate may or may not be tempted to eat fluffy little puppies. In fact, what is the worse label for Obama: “dog-eater” or “guy responsible for the current state of the economy”?

Some of the Obama-bots are still trying to rescue the dog issue for Obama as they would much rather fight on that field than the more substantial issues where Obama has failed immensely. I even had a number of people on Twitter try to insist that what Romney did was super serious but what Obama did isn’t important. To which the proper response is “OBAMA ATE A DOG!!!” If the Dems want silly side-issues, the dog-eating president is going to star.

* Millionaire Obama is trying to strike against Romney’s wealth saying, “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.” Okay, what’s less relatable to: guy with silver spoon in mouth or guy with dog in his mouth?

And is Obama claiming he can relate to the common man because he built himself up with such normal blue collar jobs as “community organizer” and “memoir writer”? He’s just a normal guy like you who eats dog, hangs out with domestic terrorists, and goes to a crazy racist preacher ranting about the CIA creating AIDS. And he ate a dog. Did I already mention that?

* I’d like to thank the GSA for demonstrating government spending in such a clear way. It’s nice to know what the money would go to if we raised taxes on the rich. See, the choice is never do we want the rich or the poor to have the money, it’s whether we want people who are responsible with their money to keep it or whether that should instead be taken and given to people who are extremely irresponsible with money. If you choose the later, please punch yourself until you understand the error of your ways.

* The Secret Service are meeting with Ted Nugent. And they’re going to do it in Colombia. It’s going to be a crazy party.

* Young people are apparently not excited about Obama or Romney this election year. That’s cool; we really need to start teaching people at a young age to despise all politicians.

* Acura is in trouble for having a casting call for one of their ads where they wanted an African-American who wasn’t “too dark”. The funny thing is, they could have just put out a casting call for a white guy and not gotten into any trouble. Acting is that last place where blatant racial discrimination is tolerated. I guess racism is okay if it’s for “art”.

* Wisdom of the Day from Jon Gabriel:

If I owned a dog, it would probably look a lot like the one Obama ate.

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

Nuke the News: Obama Bites Dog

Posted by on

* Obama ate a dog. I’m thinking this will be the news story for a little while, especially after Obama’s campaign has gone after Romney for strapping a dog to the top of his car. They figured it would actually hurt Romney because people like dogs so much. So how will people react to Obama eating a dog?

Strangely, this revelation was out in the open in one of Obama’s memoirs, it was just up to Jim Treacher to find it as it’s not like the MSM is going to notice little details like that on someone who isn’t a Republican. A member of the Romney campaign has already made a joke about it (playing off a joke David Axelrod made implying Romney doesn’t care about dogs). The Obama campaign response was that he was a kid when he ate the dog. So there’s the defense: “Obama 2012: It’s been a while since he last ate a dog.”

I kind of humored myself out on this last night when I first heard of it, so make sure to check out my Random Thoughts on it. I’m sure I’ll come up with more jokes soon, though. I mean, come on, he ate a dog.

* The Obama campaign is planning to use “trust” as a campaign buzzword. I’m not sure that will work since right now a lot of people are thinking about how they wouldn’t trust him with walking Fido.

* See, I told you.

* Michelle Obama said about her husband, “This president has brought us out of the dark and into the light.” Something about Obama eating a dog goes here.

* The shuttle Discovery flew around DC on the back of a Boeing 747. Once, a long time ago, America could get men into space, and now all NASA can do is give piggy back rides. The little kid I was in the 80s reading about space would be pretty depressed to hear what actually happened with our space program in the coming decades.

Obama very much wants to revive our space program… though it’s mainly because he thinks Laika is still up there. Mmm… free dog meat.

* Basil sent me this neat link. Apparently in front of Japanese shopping mall, they built a full size Gundam robot statue. That sure beats some boring bronze statue of a guy on a horse. Also, Obama ate a dog.

* Wisdom of the Day from James Taranto:

This is what happens when you elect someone president without properly vetting him.

[Click for more “Obama Ate a Dog” humor]

Nuke the News: Taxes

Posted by on

* Today is Tax Day. I have no idea why it’s today — the 17th — and wasn’t yesterday, but there it is. Today I always dream of the panic and chaos that would ensue if there wasn’t automatic withholding and people had to write a check for their entire burden today. It would be lovely. We should make it happen.

The thing I hate most about taxes is that the more money they take, they more government we get. It’s the worst possible trade off imaginable.

* So the Buffett Rule failed in the Senate, getting just 51 votes instead of the needed 60. But now we won’t get our “rich people paid more in taxes” prize! What was that again? A pink slip?

* So what useless thing will Obama champion now? He’s going to take on oil market manipulation. Because the one thing that will definitely lower oil prices is more bureaucracy. And I’m sure everyone is really hopeful for this considering how well Obama’s fiddling around with things has improved everything in the past.

Someone who was once a “community organizer” should never be expected to actually help with anything useful; that’s just cruel.

* The Pulitzer Prizes were awarded, but there was none given for editorial writing. I think that’s because they knew it would be dishonest to give it to anyone other than me, so they opted to just not award any at all.

So what was your favorite editorial of mine from the past year? I don’t need awards when I have… you guys.

* So a member of the British Parliament, Lord Nazir Ahmed, visited Pakistan and offered a 10 million pound reward bounty on Obama and Bush. So we think we have some idiots in Congress, but so far they’re not quite that bad. And what good would 10 million do you if our whole country was then set on murdering you? I don’t even like Obama, but if some foreigner harmed a single hair on his head, I and pretty much everyone like me would be like, “Kill him and everyone near him!” And if you’ve ever seen British parliament, it’s raucous enough, but just wait until Navy SEALs run in there and shoot Ahmed in the head.

Anyway, the Labour[sic] Party has suspended Ahmed. Offering to pay terrorists to kill the leader of your greatest ally is a no-no.

* We have videos! Here’s Sunny celebrating Tax Day — with guns:

And here is bad lip reading for Joe Biden. He’s the only one who this makes sound smarter:

* Wisdom of the Day from Brandon Kiser:

Why raise taxes on millionaires when you can lower taxes for secretaries? #BuffettRule

Nuke the News: One Last Stab at the Buffett Rule

Posted by on

* It seems like the Buffett Rule is about dead as it has no chance of passing in Congress and even liberal pundits are starting to call it a gimmick. I never think I properly ranted about how absolutely stupid a waste of time the idea was, though, so I’m going to try now. Here is my Buffett Rule rant directed at President Obama:

You pompous, useless idiot, why are you wasting all you time promoting a completely pointless tax program that doesn’t absolutely nothing to help against the deficit? Do you see the unemployment? The gas prices? Does any of that register in your empty little head? Or does it just go in one dumbo ear and out the other? But that’s not what the Buffett Rule is about; actually doing anything even slightly useful is far beyond your wildest dreams. This is just about “fairness”. Because when people don’t have a job and can’t afford basic necessities, fairness is what we’re all most worried about. “Don’t worry, honey, we’ll feed our family on fairness.” “We don’t have to worry about retirement; we have a 401k filled with fairness.” You want to know what’s fair? You and all the whiny useless twits who think the Buffett Rule is awesome all living penniless on the streets scrounging through trashcans for scraps of food while I laugh maniacally at your sad little faces. Fairness is all you idiots getting out of the way of useful people like us and you’re opinions never having any affect on us ever again. So you better thank God every day life isn’t fair.

Eh. Don’t think I quite nailed it. All this time Obama wasted on the Buffett Rule is so moronic, it’s hard to really grasp.

* So the Secret Service is in the midst of a prostitution scandal. And I don’t if I buy their excuse: “Those prostitutes were going to have sex with the president, so we did our duty and threw ourselves in front of them!”

* I would almost think its a parody, but here apparently is the English website for North Korea. Read about how awesome North Korea is and how it’s great for both tourism and business (full diplomatic relations with most EU members!). No wonder they could build a rocket that flew a whole minute!

I understand them peddling this stuff to their isolated citizens, but who do they expect in America to be dumb enough to read their website and think they’re awesome? Outside of a college campus, I mean.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

The “War on Women” meme serves the same purpose as Axelrod’s combover, and is equally successful.

UPDATE: Linked by Internet Scofflaw

Nuke the News: War on Moms

Posted by on

* So I guess the war on women is officially over, Democrats having to pull out after suffering heavy losses thank to Hilary Rosen. “We thought those stupid bimbos would welcome us with open arms!” the Democrat were heard saying.

There are apparently a lot of myths out there about stay at home moms, as many people (especially condescending know-nothings) seem to think that’s just a rich people thing, now. A lot of the women who stay at home are those with lower education who couldn’t make a lot of money outside the home anyway. It really is a choice for most people if its a two parent household. We get ourselves in situations — especially with debt — where both parents need to work, but it’s not our income but our life choices that cause that. This is just another one of those areas where people want to believe things are out of their hands, but its not true. I’ve known families who earn a lot less than mine who made the choice and the sacrifices to have a stay at home mom. And it is a sacrifice, but it’s often worth it. I mean, my wife was a CPA and could earn a pretty good income outside the home if she wanted which added to mine would be… hurm…

What was I talking about? I got distracted thinking about lots of money.

* Oh, some real news happened. North Korea launched a long range missile. Except it didn’t go long range; it just plopped in the ocean.

We should probably do something about North Korea being all defiant and stuff and doing things like this, but we got our own problems right now. Gas prices are high and stuff. Maybe we can wait until they have a working missile. Then we’ll do something.

* 12 Christians in Iran are awaiting verdict for being “apostates”. You know, if you have to threaten people with prison or execution to keep them in your religion, maybe your religion isn’t so great. Just a thought.

* If you’re kind of short and want to do something about, holding a gun makes you appear taller according to a new study (Sceince!). So just get some elevator shoes and a magnum revolver and no one will look down on you. Or at least they’ll be polite.

* Wisdom of the Day from lauren ashley bishop:

that rocket hasn’t worked a day in its life!

* Newark mayor Corey Booker suffers second degree burns while rescuing neighbor from a fire. He wins the IMAO “Not Completely Useless Politician” award.

Nuke the News: Democrats Don’t Think Much of Women

Posted by on

* People are stepping all over the Democrats “War on Women” idiocy. First, we have this idiot Hilary Rosen going after Ann Romney for being a stay at home mom who raised five children. The mere existence of stay at home moms is seen as a direct insult to some women. Some women have to work because of their situation while others choose to, and those who choose see the others who chose to stay home as direct slight against them saying they didn’t care enough about their children to give up their careers. At least that’s my best guess on the psychologically, as there is some intense bitterness out there. It’s like the fact that Sarah Palin brought her son with Down syndrome to term was seen as a direct slight against the abortion proponents who have caused most such children to be killed before birth. Sometimes merely existing is seen as a political statement.

Also, Romney has begun pointing out Obama’s anti-women policies, such as the fact that 92% of job losses while Obama has been president have been from women (though fact checkers are trying to spin that, because apparently that’s the job of “fact checkers”). Also, the Obama White House is apparently paying women a lot less than men. The Democrats like to pretend to care about women when it’s politically convenient, but if any woman’s fate doesn’t help at the polls, she can drown in a car for all they care.

* Obama tried to claim that Ronald Reagan would have supported the pointless “Buffet Rule” that Obama has been wasting all his time on, but the statement Obama made was really weird.

“Let me be clear, Ronald Reagan would support me in– AHH! A MYSTICAL FORCE JUST PUNCHED MY IN THE JUNK!!”

* George Zimmerman has been charged with murder. That seems like it will be hard to prove, because who, before committing murder most foul, calls up the police to tell them what he’s up to? Anyway, biggest winner in Zimmerman being arrested and tried is the media. If you can’t have justice, at least have a circus. Everyone loves circuses.

* Buzz Aldrin, the first man named “Buzz” on the moon, and other astronauts and NASA officials have signed a letter telling NASA to stop being political about global warming. Once NASA got men on the moon, now they do nothing but whine about stuff down here and can’t even get people into orbit anymore. Whining destroys things; avoid it wherever you can.

* Wisdom of the Day from Jim Geraghty:

Strange how “the Mormon Church’s troubled history of race relations” never comes up in coverage of Sen. Harry “No Negro Dialect” Reid.

* Alan West says there are a lot less Communists in Congress than you thought.

UPDATE: Linked by Be John Galt

Nuke the News: And Then There Was One (Well, Three, But Two Don’t Count)

Posted by on

* So Santorum has dropped out of the race. It was already looking like he wasn’t going to win Pennsylvania, which would just be an embarrassment at this point. So the primary is now over. Well, it was earlier, but we can stop pretending any other outcome than Romney as the GOP nominee is possible.

Well, most of us will stop pretending. New Gingrich is asking for donations and pretending it’s a two man race, but I don’t think anyone takes him seriously anymore. And Ron Paul… well I haven’t seen anything from him in a while and don’t really care to.

So, the only thing to do is come to grips with that it will be Romney versus Obama for 2012. Successful business man versus useless government twit — it could be worse. And here’s the advantage: We don’t like or trust Romney. Liking and trusting politicians is what gets you into trouble, but we won’t fall for that trap with Romney. He’s just a tool to us. All politicians are tools. Big tools. Dangerous tools. Ones we have to be cautious using, and we already know to be very cautious about Romney.

* So on to VP speculation! As usual, I would suggest Mr. T. He has the conservative principle of not tolerating jibber jabber, but he also is a compassionate conservative in that he pities fools.

Of course, much of the speculation is about Marco Rubio. He’s from Florida — a battle ground state. He’s young and gets the base energized. And he’s Hispanic. But he’s also only been a Senator for only a couple years — not that being a Senator is ever great experience — if people still care about the experience thing.

Chris Christie is another possibility, but that would raise the cost of the campaign significantly for having to constantly feed him.

And I hear Rob Portman mentioned a lot, though I know nothing about him. He sounds boring.

And the GOP has three minority governors: Bobby Jindal, Nikki Haley, and Susana Martinez. Minorities are popular these days, and governors have the sort of experience where you could trust them as presidential replacements.

And then there’s also Paul Ryan, Mr. Budget. If we want to make this election about the most important economic issue facing our country, he’s the go to guy. And the Tea Party loves him.

My vote is still Mr. T.

Who do you want to be Mitt Romney’s running mate?

* So what’s Obama up to now? Probably something stupid since he’s stupid. Oh, he’s pushing for the Buffet Rule. Since it will only reduce the deficit by like 0.3% and targets only a few hundred individuals, there is no reason to spend so much time on this other than mindless class warfare. If Obama is asked why he’s wasting time on this and answers anything other than, “Class warfare; I’m trying to stir up, stupid, envious people.” then Obama is lying and you should point and shout at him, “LIAR!” and spit at him. As is the custom for handling liars. That I made just now.

* Wisdom of the Day from Bryan Donaldson:

Just had a very productive meeting. There were a lot of o’s on the handout and I managed to get them all colored in.

Nuke the News: Rubbishing Assumptions

Posted by on

* I mentioned Obama’s Chicago headquarters getting into gear yesterday, but Ace had a keen observation about it.

Look at this shot of the people working at the Obama HQ in Chicago:

Can you spot any minorities. I looked a while, and I could see one Asian girl but that’s it.

Well, maybe they couldn’t find any black Obama supporters. In Chicago.

But just because white liberals want to help minorities doesn’t mean they want to be around them. They like to help from afar in their nice white sanctuaries. So maybe the Obama HQ in Chicago is like white liberals’ own private Vermont.

* James O’Keefe has a video showing how easy it is for a white man to go in and get Eric Holder’s ballot when no photo ID is required. Eric Holder has previously said voter fraud is not a problem, so I guess he’s okay with people voting as him.

Though I’ve always understood when a liberal says that voter fraud isn’t a problem, he means it isn’t a problem in that it hurts the chances of Democrats winning. But it will when O’Keefe starts voting for all you liberals.

* They always talk about the gender gap as Republicans losing women, but they never talk about how Democrats have problems with men. It’s because they’re the feminine party for only the sissiest of men — that’s not my opinion; that’s Science!. Of course, there are lots of women in the Republican Party — but when women like masculine stuff like football and guns and being a Republican, that’s awesome. But when guys like feminine stuff like picking out drapes and makeup and being a Democrat, not so much.

* At the Easter Roll, the White House handed out basketballs with Obama’s face on them. You ever think that guy has a bit of an ego?

Strangely, none of the kids wanted to shoot a basket and just wanted to dribble, striking the ball over and over as hard as they could.

* Instagram was bought by Facebook for 1 billion dollars. Instagram lets you share photos and put filters on them to make them look old, which helps cover up the fact that you’re not a very good photographer (here’s my Instagram of Buttercup in a hoodie).

With the purchase of this little company for so much, some are wondering if we’re in a tech bubble again. You mean this great economy we’re in right now is resting on top of a bubble? Great.

* Wisdom of the Day from Bill Corbett:

How did everyone’s abs workout go today? I worked mine HARD, pushing ’em from the inside by ingesting lots of cake. Boooya!

* There’s a study in Britain that the left-wing are more likely to have liberal views. Look at this quote:

The research, carried out by thinktank Demos, rubbishes the assumption that faith groups tend to be more conservative.

All I have to say to that is that “rubbish” is a verb? How did we ever take the British seriously?

Nuke the News: Don’t Call Our Stupid President Stupid

Posted by on

* Oh noes. The Obama campaign is all revved up and ready to go. Actually, when did Obama stop campaigning?

I’ve started to notice a pattern already. The Dems create some big distraction like changing the laws to make Catholic bishops pay for contraception and then cry crocodile tears about the GOP embracing distractions. Expect more “distractions” like this because the last thing the Obama campaign (and much of the media) wants people focused on are jobs, the economy, and gas prices.

That is an interesting thought experiment, though: How do you organize a campaign who’s failed at everything?

Obama 2012: You reading this now would most likely be a better president than him

* Senator Chuck Grassley called Obama “stupid” on Twitter and I guess that’s a bit of a controversy or something. I mean, what Obama said about the Supreme Court would be pretty dimwitted for even a ten-year-old to say, but I guess you’re just not supposed to outright call the president stupid. Say he’s “special.” He’s a special president for special times.

* North Korea is planning a nuclear test. That’s good, because you really need to test those things. Maybe they can share data with Iran.

So are we going to do something about this? Like shouldn’t we just go in there and smash up all their toys? What, are we worried about their response? Well, I know what their response won’t be: launching a nuclear weapon.

* John Derbyshire was fired from National Review for writing something really racist. That’s pretty sad. Eight years ago, I interviewed him for my blog. It was my first interview, and I never did that many since (because, really, I’m the more interesting person; people should interview me).

Anyway, I hope everyone’s learned a lesson from this. There’s a certain level of racism no one should engage in without the protection of being a Democrat.

* Wisdom of the Day from Danny Zuker:

The most disturbing thing I ever found on my son’s computer was an empty history folder.

Nuke the News: The Democrats’ War on Honesty

Posted by on

* I’ve seen numerous posts full of specious reasoning from the left on why the right can’t be funny, and I said, “Hey, I can do that!” So here is my PJ Media column on why the left are incapable of being funny.

Liberals will point to how many more professional comedians they have, but that’s exactly it. Conservatives can be funny in their spare time, but for liberals to even attempt to be funny, they have to work the entire day at it.

Enjoy!

* RNC chair Reince Priebus dismissed the “war on women” by making a simple point about how the Democrats could make up anything — like a war on caterpillars — and the media would run with that. The media then purposely misinterpreted this simple point so they and the Democrats could screech about it — basically proving Priebus’s point.

We can only spend so much time complaining about media bias, as the media seems to especially attract useless twits and they’re always going to be biased against the right. But just look at the reverse and see how constantly off guard the left end up about things like the popularity of Obamacare (see the Taranto Principle). We don’t want a chorus in the media; we have to keep fighting to stay frosty.

And since the people supposedly on the side of women have supported things that have led to 160 million missing women in this world, caterpillars better be grateful the GOP hasn’t declared war on them, because then the Dems, just to be contrary, would use the full force of government to help caterpillars and the end result would most likely be us never seeing a butterfly ever again.

* You ever wonder if the reason the DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schulz is so over the top horrible that the strategy is people will be too busy making fun of her to make fun of Obama? She’s a honeypot… which is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her.

* If you were worried about unemployment, don’t be. Obama signed a jobs bill. It should all be over soon.

* Wisdom of the Day from Political Math:

Rounded to the nearest whole number, the Buffett rule will reduce the deficit 0%

* Despite fears of global warming, the polar bear population is growing. This sucks, because I was hoping to murder polar bears and that people wouldn’t notice among all the global warming deaths. You ever hold a polar bear’s head underwater to drown him? It takes a while.

Nuke the News: Everything Getting Worse

Posted by on

* How bad is the economy? Over the past year Obama couldn’t even afford speech writers to write him new speeches.

Notice how he even stutters in some of the same places.

Obama came into office inexperienced, but some people hoped he would grow while serving. It does not quite seem like that is happening. In fact, he’s just kind of phoning in the presidency lately. Oh, I have a good picture for that:

"Republicans are going to starve old people off cliffs yada yada. Can I eat my waffle now?"

* So Romney is going after Obama for flip-flopping. I guess that complements pretty well his attack on Obama for imposing a health care mandate on people. Next he’ll go after Obama for having an usual religion and naming his kids weird things.

Well, being brazen worked for Romney in the primary; let’s hope it works in the general against Mr. Touchy.

* Good news: The Obama administration has admitted that the Supreme Court can strike down laws as unconstitutional. So the president is finally to the level of knowledge of constitutional law that you had in grade school. So I was wrong; he is growing in office. He’ll be a big boy soon!

* Thanks to a marketing deal, James Bond is going to be trading in his martini for a Heineken. And instead of a tuxedo, he’s going to wear a wife beater. And instead of taking on evil global syndicates, he’s going to fight giant CGI robots that transform. And James Bond is going to be played by Shia LaBeouf.

Progress!

* Aw man; scientists now think the Tyrannosaurus rex had feathers. Feathers ruin dinosaurs. We might as well mount rocket launchers on Big Bird.

Man, everything has gotten worse under Obama. Back when I was kid, Reagan was president, dinosaurs were cool, mysterious giant lizards, and we had nine planets in our solar system. Poor Buttercup; all she has to look forward to is finding out what number comes after a trillion in regards to the debt. I’m going to go drown my sorrows in a case of Heineken like hobo James Bond.

Nuke the News: President Knee-Biter

Posted by on

* BTW, the Republican presidential candidate this year is Romney. Sure, the primary is still going on, but it’s also over.

* And Obama is in full attack mode. But if he’s attacking others, how will he have time to talk about all his awesome accomplishments?

Anyway, he’s calling the Ryan budget radical and linking it to Romney (the Republican nominee for president), but how radical is it compared to not having any budget for three years? Or compared to Obama’s proposed budget that was unable to get a single vote in the House? Basically you have Ryan trying to do the actual job of the government and a bunch of knee-biters. That’s what we have today: President knee-biter. Can’t do anything useful, but he sure can whine up a storm.

* The Fifth Circuit has asked the Department of Justice to write a paper — three pages single spaced — on whether the Executive branch does believe that courts can strike down laws as unconstitutional. Basically, they want a paper from Obama explaining whether he’s some sort of idiot or not.

If a Republican president had made Obama’s remarks, we’d have 24/7 coverage of what a moron our president is. But I guess everyone just doesn’t expect any better of Obama. The soft bigotry of low expectations.

* Michelle Obama is telling kids to tell their grandparents they’re wrong for not voting for Obama. If I were elderly and some little punk kids comes to annoy me, I might go ahead and vote for Obama. When they’re older and the country is collapsing under debt, they’d feel real bad about pestering me. But I’d be nice and safe and dead. Ha!

* Joe Biden is blaming fracking for earthquakes. I think that’s a fun thing to blame, because next time there is an earthquake you can yell, “Fracking earthquake!”

* Facebook photos show the DNC Jewish outreach liaison referring to her and her friends as “Jewbags” and the “Jew cash money team.” When asked if this was offensive, Obama replied, “Shut up, cracker! Now give me money!”

* Wisdom of the Day from Dan McLaughlin:

After Obama leaves office, it will take decades to rebuild the nation’s strawman population.