Rebranding Gitmo

Fox News got bored and asked a bunch of marketing weenies whether they thought that Gitmo could be “rebranded” so that liberals wouldn’t reflexively scream “TORTURE!” every time they heard it’s name.

Sadly, the best yonder marketing weenies could come up with for a new name was “Offshore Holding Facility”.

Let’s see if we can do better:

* Waves & Waterboards

* Tribunal Town

* Club Splodey

* Misfired Martyrs Motel

* Cuban Clown College

* Korandemonium!

* Interrogation Island

* Jihadi Jamaica

* Allaholics Anonymous

* Viva la Incarceracion!

Any other suggestions?

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  1. * Towels R Us
    * Bed, Bath and Beyond Hope
    * The Rag Barn
    * Cuban Linen Recycling Center
    * International Turban and Torture Emporium
    * No Shirt, No Shoes, No Turbans, No Service
    * Muslim Purgatory


  2. How about:

    Terrorist Heaven–it doesn’t get any better than this!

    Jihadist Paradise

    Allah’s Forsaken City


  3. Re-education Mecca


    District of Jihadia

    I know they’re not good but I’ve had a whole week of being invisible (at the job) so I’m a little under teh funny tonight.


  4. * The Riverwaterboard walk

    * Good
    Times for

    * A Place were Judaism isn’t practiced

    * Your Natural Enviroment

    * The 2nd Mecca

    * We offer you the humblest of gods creatures; the CIA.


  5. The Twisted Rebirth Factory
    The Truth Trench
    The Fact Squad
    The Abundant Abolishers
    The Pork Protectors
    The Dungeon of Dank and Dapper
    The Bombie Brokers
    The Virgin Heaven
    The Hate Reprogammers


  6. The Isolaters
    The Alternate Universe
    Shiek and Shake
    Frollicking Weapondry
    Finality Free for All’s


  7. FoxNews has been getting more and more pitiful each day since the beginning of the Obama campaign. Much like the Republican party, they seem to feel that they’ve got the right wing viewers hooked so they’ll go after the left-wing viewers too…by leaning left, of course. And so, pretty much every show each day asks ridiculous questions like, “Is there any hope at all for the Republican party in 2010 or 2012?” And, giving daily briefings on the unprecented popularity of president Obama, despite the fact that his numbers fall way behind Reagan and other presidents (even GW Bush) at this time of their presidencies.

    The defining moment for the FoxNews freefall was the Bush/Paulson bailout. While the overwhelming majority of Americans were clogging the phone lines of representatives telling them to keep the government out of it, and certainly not to sign onto legislation bailing out these companies, all the while the continually-asked question on FoxNews wasn’t about the validity or content of the bailout but, instead, “What will it take to get this done?”

    It’s a shame, it used to be a great network, yet now it’s the home of Bob “never heard of anything ever done by a democrat I didn’t support” Beckel, Geraldo “let’s hand the country over to my friends who happen to all be illegal immigrants” Rivera, Bill “I’m not a conservative, I just pretend to be one on TV” O’Reilly, and a huge cadre of 20-something pretty girls who know absolutely nothing about the world, letalone politics.


  8. * Prostrate Palace

    * Ben Dover’s Bar & Grill

    * Three Squares And A Bucket

    * George’s REM Deprivation Research Clinic

    * Cheney’s Future Headquarters of The United Nations


  9. * Preventing the wrath of Chuck Norris.

    1. What can I say? I’ve got nothing.
    2. I can’t even come close to topping “Allaholics Anonymous”.


  10. Instead of closing Gitmo, we should close Cuba. 12 million detainees without charges ever filed against them held for over 50 years, property seized, thousands killed and/or disappeared, military leadership that answers to no one and defies UN rules (especially Geneva convention) and certainly doesn’t feed their inmates a healthy and complete diet.

    *72 Virgin Islands


  11. Hamid’s House of Duds
    Allah’s Catbox
    Beacon of Bacon
    Westin Waterboard
    No Virgins 4U
    Asshole Castle


  12. No Jimmy, it’s more like it doesn’t matter what you do, how you do it, when, where or why. No one notices, no one sees, no one acknowledges……..but make a mistake and someone is right there to point it out…….loudly.

    Whine, whine, whine. I know it’s life in the big city but raising my children was so much more fulfilling. At least they occasionally noticed what I did for them (more than occasionally, I have been blessed with loving, sweet children. Not perfect mind you, but really nice people on the whole).

    Done whining. Sorry.


  13. “*72 Virgin Islands” – chocolatier007

    That’s right up there with “Allaholics Anonymous”.

    * Al Qaeda’s First Home Depot Franchise

    * Fantasy Nightmare Island

    * That ‘How Did We Get That Patch of Land In Cuba?’ Place

    (See, Marko, it’s all about trying, in spite of being ‘bad.’)


  14. Hamas’ Heroes
    Staring BHO as Komadant Klink
    Also Staring Nancy pelosi as Sargent Shucks, and JoJo Biden as a totally clueless clown


  15. Im still liking “club gitmo” but since we have to get rid of gitmo” i propose :

    “super fun time” its theme could be the “super fun time” song from southpark


  16. El Usama : The Forbidden City of Bin Laden
    Even Fidel doesn’t want them
    Club Bad: Where only the best Muslims are allowed in.
    Pelosi and Reid Heaven
    The Eternal Unexploded Bomb
    Camp Fred: He didn’t want to put them there but he feeling that day


  17. A friend and I were talking about this… Our suggestion is:

    Aleutian Island Resort.

    Pick an uninhabited Aleutian island, the further north the better. Part of the name is ‘Island Resort’, so how bad can it be, right? ;>


  18. Survivor: Guantanamo. In the interest of transparency, we could turn it into a game show, but nobody gets to leave the island. Each team of detainees can design the contest for the week. Watch as those wacky nuts waterboard each other.



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