John Hawkins has a great article worth considering. Should conservatives be less nice? A good offense is a good defense.
Archive of entries posted on 1st May 2009
Friday Viewing
Hugs
Liberals still seem very angry and disturbed despite winning the last election. As the more mentally balanced people, I think it might be a good idea for conservatives to give them all a hug and assure them we don’t plan on doing them harm. Even if we do plan on doing them harm, it’s a good strategy.
Souter Replacement
I always have this suggestion as a new Supreme Court justice and I doubt Obama will listen to me, but I will suggest him again: Mr. T.
Mr. T does not put up with jibba-jabba, which I think is important for a justice. He is very tough, but he is also compassionate (he often pities fools). Now, I don’t know Mr. T’s political stances, but one can only assume he’s not a liberal because he’s definitely not a sissy.
So, Mr. T is my nomination. I will also suggest myself, but I’ll only take the job if I can telecommute because I don’t want to move to D.C.
United States Declares Bankruptcy
WASHINGTON (AP) – On behalf of the United States, President Barack Obama filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy today, stating that the nation was “completely incapable” of paying back the enormous debts that it has accumulated.
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“We were barely hanging on,” said Obama “then I guess I got a little crazy – spent three and a half trillion dollars that I didn’t have. Now my accountant says I have no choice but to liquidate. Got some cool cars and a couple banks out of it, but looking back, I’m not sure it was worth it.”
Part of the problem was that 48% of Americans sent teabags to the IRS this year instead of paying their income taxes. Unfortunately, this was the productive 48% of the country that works hard, runs businesses, creates jobs, and earns a profit.
“Although the other 52% of the country DID send in their 1040’s,” noted Obama, “it was all ‘tax-credit’ this, and ‘exemption’ that, and ‘I’m old! Gimme money!’. Cost us billions in refunds, which only made the situation worse.”
“We probably could’ve held out for a bit longer, because I finally got Daschle to pay up,” mused the President, “but then I spent that on an Air Force One photo-op over New York City. In retrospect, I probably should’ve just turned Malia loose with a copy of Photoshop and called it good.”
As a gesture of international good will, the US will be returning some territory to its original owners.
“Mexico will get back all the land we picked up from them in 1848,” said Obama. “Which is fine, since now it’s mostly waterless desert full of rattlesnakes and hippies. Good riddance, I say. Although good luck trying to take back Texas.”
“Fortunately we kept the receipt for the Louisiana purchase, and we’re hoping France will give is our money back. We might only get a partial refund, though, since New Orleans is still a little damp & mildewy”.
That Wacky Biden
The official position of the Obama administration on the swine flu is to remain calm, but Vice President Biden almost started a scare when he told people to avoid subways, planes, and automobiles. There are a few other things he said that almost got people panicked as well:
“Remain calm, but do have a plan to kill and eat your neighbors because that will probably come in handy.”
“Don’t panic, but make sure you know which of your children you love best when low resources force a Sophie’s choice.”
“Not waterboarding probably means a nuclear bomb will go off in a major city in the next month, but so what?”
“The is no reason for alarm, but – and I can’t stress this enough – be prepared to kill if necessary.”
“Be calm, but make sure you have a gun – not for defense, but to use on yourself if things get a little worse.”
“No one should panic, but look to the person to your left and to your right. One of those people will not be surviving this.”
“Don’t worry people. Worst come to worse, cats are edible and we have plenty of them.”
“My advice on swine flu: Be prepared to smother your own children. It could likely be your most merciful option.”
Random Thoughts
Is it just me, or is Biden kinda an idiot?
Of course, it’s not like Palin would be any smarter about the flu. She’d probably be flying around in a helicopter shooting at it.
I wonder if Obama would sound as crazy as Biden if he didn’t have his teleprompter to tell him what to say?
If a chimp goes on a shooting spree, how long after the incident do you have to wait to laugh at how funny that is?
I have to say that press conference the other night got a little weird when the New York Times reporter started humping Obama’s leg.
The issue isn’t about moving the Republican Party further to the right, it’s about being coherent in actually standing for something.
Seeing Iran and North Korea, what’s the chance Iraq wouldn’t have nukes now if we didn’t invade them?
Possible replacements for Souter: Stack of old newspapers, box of hammers, discarded rags.
I don’t think Souter quit under his own volition. I think he was murdered!
Award!
Granny Boo of has honored IMAO with the “Putting the EXTREME in Right-Wing Extremists – an Award From the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” Award.
Now, the official report says that there are 2 kinds of right-wing extremists: those that hate minorities, and those that hate the government.
I like to think that we at IMAO are a third type: extremists of love.
We love punching hippies.
And as Barry Goldwater once said, “extremism in the defense of punching hippies is no vice”.
FINE PRINT:
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Torture Is Always Wrong
My new Pajamas Media column is up in which I take a brave stance against torture and describe moral interrogation techniques. You will read it and you will be enlightened.
