That Wacky Biden

The official position of the Obama administration on the swine flu is to remain calm, but Vice President Biden almost started a scare when he told people to avoid subways, planes, and automobiles. There are a few other things he said that almost got people panicked as well:

“Remain calm, but do have a plan to kill and eat your neighbors because that will probably come in handy.”

“Don’t panic, but make sure you know which of your children you love best when low resources force a Sophie’s choice.”

“Not waterboarding probably means a nuclear bomb will go off in a major city in the next month, but so what?”

“The is no reason for alarm, but – and I can’t stress this enough – be prepared to kill if necessary.”

“Be calm, but make sure you have a gun – not for defense, but to use on yourself if things get a little worse.”

“No one should panic, but look to the person to your left and to your right. One of those people will not be surviving this.”

“Don’t worry people. Worst come to worse, cats are edible and we have plenty of them.”

“My advice on swine flu: Be prepared to smother your own children. It could likely be your most merciful option.”

16 Comments

  1. It’s a real shame. Since this outbreak, Joe has had to refrain from places where there are crowds. So, he hasn’t been able to eat at his favorite diner where he likes to hang out with his constituents all the time…you know, the one that’s been closed for the last 15 years.

  2. Poor ol’ Joe the Vice-President has learned a hard lesson, and now has something in common with the Miss California runner-up. To wit….never give an honest answer to a leading question delivered by a member of the press or a homo beauty contestant judge.

  3. “Don’t worry. If the pandemic results in food shortages, the government will be there to help (itself to whatever food you have left). It’s the patriotic thing to do!”

  4. Joe Biden would never tell any one except his own bodyguards to make sure that they have a gun. On the contrary, I wouldn’t be surprised if they used this “epidemic” as an excuse to do a Ray Nagin New Orleans-style gun roundup, claiming, “Uh, we don’t want any fever-addled gun nuts going around killing everyone, so hand them over!”

  5. “No need to panic, the Democrats now have a filbuster-proof majority.” >>> No worries, Barak now gets to nominate one of his cronies to a lifetime job, at the U.S. Supreme Court.”>>> ” The clean, articulate, black man occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. assures me that buckets placed over the head inhibit lipstick-on-a-pig flu.”

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