Liberals still seem very angry and disturbed despite winning the last election. As the more mentally balanced people, I think it might be a good idea for conservatives to give them all a hug and assure them we don’t plan on doing them harm. Even if we do plan on doing them harm, it’s a good strategy.
For most hugs, I recommend the UFC-style “rear naked choke” which looks just like a hug from behind. That works well for most liberals. For some liberals though, like Barney Frank, delete the “rear” and “naked” part and just choke them.
No way I’m hugging some unwashed patchouli smelling critter.
Yeah, what Jake said. Your idea has a serious hole in it, Frank.
Innominatus, I prefer a modified Heimlich Maneuver hug. The only difference is the sternum and several vertebrae are broken. Other than that, they feel completely refreshed expelling their previous meal.
Jake & Marko, this compassionate act that Frank puts forward is based on the idea that we are freaked out by the Mexican Pig Death. You should already be wearing your hazmat suits, as Biden suggests we do. As long as the hippie’s bong has no sharp corners that can beach your suit, you can crack their ribs and rupture their spleens without worries. And their tofu-plankton-nutloaf brunch will wash right off your suit.
I do not have any wish to do a liberal harm.
That will be left to the Faith Police when all of the libs are sent to the Patriotism Camps.
No way, innominatus, it’s too risky. I’ll use a robot to do it for me instead.
Hippie Huggin’ Robots would be a great band name. If the robots had claws, it would also be a good action movie title.
I would like to sign-up for one of Socrateaseses’s Patriotism Camps! Make me the Camp Counselor, okay, Soakrates?? Please? Please?
Man, I must need a vacation.
It’s those Obama crystals. That’s what done it.
Why hug a liberal when you can punch them? Besides you might catch something if you hug a liberal.
Just be sure to wear body armor before attempting hug. You’re sure to get a knife in the back for your good intentions.
Why hug when you can snipe them at 400 yards out? Less chances of catching something that way, and you don’t have to become sick from hearing their global whining. All the joy is gone from taking them out close up; you can’t watch the life go out of their eyes, as that had happened years ago.
Also make sure that your armor has lots of spikes on it so that you impale the liberal as you hug them. As they have extremely underdeveloped brains and eyes adapted to subterranean communes they won’t notice. Wearing a pair of shuko is also a good idea. Oh, and if you ever see Arlen Specter feel free to give him a great big hug… it’s also appropriate in either situation to defenestrate the liberal after you hug them.
That’s what we keep moderates around for: to hug liberals.
I would prefer a calibrated gesture to the libs—- 25 06 maybe
slugs are better than hugs.
That needs to go on a t-shirt, Terry Jim.
Not without a full-body condom. But then, most types of condoms are readily available for the asking in most elementary schools.
First Tweeter and now this! What the heck is going on here! Am I in IMAO or the freaking castro district? I mean cmon, in the name of all that is decent, are you really going to continue to suggest that “hugging” (yeech) hippies is a good thing?. Next you’ll suggest that we ‘talk” to them to develop “understanding” . We need to get back to our “base” values… Im sticking with punching them.
Re: Hugs
Watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJfYAJJYMqg
Wherein a smelly hippy, giving free hugs,
gets pwned by a capitalist.
TerribleTroy, I think what Frank is hinting at with his last sentece is something like this. First, ya hug ’em. Then you say something like “Hey. That’s a nice biiike.” Then you beat the crap out ’em and take their bike.
They’ll just pick your pocket as you hug them. They cannot help it, they just want to redistribute the wealth, one-on-one..
Never hug a liberal. It’s like your mom always told you. Put that thing down right now, you don’t know where it’s been. And wash your hands.
Okay, I agree there is no way I’m hugging any hippies but I think Frank may still have something here. Not all liberals, and certainly not the really angry ones, are hippies. Hippies tend to be fairly laid back (ok, stoned).
I’m thinking if the people in Chicago had surrounded Susan Roesgen from CNN, and offered to hug her … well my imagination just sort of runs wild. Or Harry Reid being hugged by smelly tourists. Of course, all anyone needs to do is cough in the same general area as Biden.
I’d like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love.
Grow apple trees, and honey bees,
and snow white turtle doves.
But the honey bees are dying,
the hippies won’t eat apples with Alar on them
and the snow white turtle doves are Raaacist!
Maybe I’ll build a bunker instead.
Terrorists: Hug Them With Nuclear Arms.
I know i’m late but DE that was AWESOME with a whole bunch of capital letters.
Great job.