Archive of entries posted on 1st October 2010

Frank Responds to Spam Comments

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Once again, the Great Landlord has blessed IMAO with a bounty of spam comments!

will this get me abs like the professional football players. I mean the skilled athletes

Just to be clear, you want abs like professional football players, but not like the abs of professional football players who are unskilled athletes? Well, it doesn’t matter; IMAO will only get you abs like a skilled curling player.

Fantastic information you have here. You truly fully grasp this and I am glad I stumbled this post by you thanks a bunch.

Don’t stumble my posts, dude! They have enough trouble as it is with the subpar proofreading, so I don’t need people coming in here and tripping them up, bunch thanker!

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Whoa! Slowdownthere! You should slow down. Most spammers hit me with one empty platitude here, but you got like ten of them. And what’s with you spam commenters always claiming there is something wrong with my blog. Why do you claim things are wrong? When I rob banks, I don’t criticize them for those pens chained to the table being out of ink.

Flora &dfhjfss has compiled a “Red List” of endangered fruit and nut species in the hhjdfs. Critically endangered species include pears, hawthorns, currants, and barberries. Some of these things are down to a single tiny population.

What? The nuts and berries of hhjdfs are going extinct? Why? Deforestation? Global warming? fjkfjfjfff? There’s nothing we can do, is there? I wish you never told me. I’d rather just one day walk into the supermarket and no longer see hhjdfs pears in the produce section. Now I’m filled with dread, apprehension, and sdsjghhgh.

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Yeah.

There is no god… atleast that’’s how i feel after reading this

Okay, now that one stings a little.

What If the Jews Did Run CNN?

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CNN’s Rick Sanchez thinks Jon Stewart is a bigot and Jews run CNN.

I don’t think Jews run CNN, but If they did:

  • Instead of a headquarters in Atlanta, they’d have a timeshare in
    Boca.

  • Every time they cover a disaster, they’d pledge fifty bucks.
  • For Passover, they’d hide the liberal bias in the studio and let the
    kids search for it.

  • Crossfire’s tagline: “One From The Left, One From The Right, Three
    Opinions”

  • Instead of losing money, it would be profitable. But not too much. It
    doesn’t want to show off. It makes enough to live on, and it’s thankful
    for that.

  • More pointing and squinting.
  • After years on television, they’d have made a movie by now, or at
    least opened on Broadway.
    – Hide quoted text –

  • AOL would have paid wholesale for Time Warner instead of retail.
  • Instead of James Earl Jones saying “This is CNN.” you’d hear Gilbert
    Gottfried shout “CNN: It’s Like An Orgasm Of News!”

  • Lawrence Harvey Zeiger wouldn’t have changed his name to Larry King.
    (Zieger’s a fine name. Why change it? What, you’re not proud of it?)

  • And he’d have been replaced by Jon Stewart.

Goldilocks Planet

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So scientists have now found a rocky planet in the “Goldilocks” distance from the sun — the distance at which the temperatures are right for liquid water. Still, the planet is pretty sucky as it doesn’t rotate in relation with its star so one side is burnt and the other side is frozen, but still scientists think things could possibly be stuff living on the in between areas on the edges — the terminus. And they think they can find life there, so it’s like a big deal.

Except it’s twenty light years away. So if we had something that could go the speed of light — which we don’t, other than, you know, light — it would take twenty years to get there, and then another twenty to send back what it found. So it’s not like we’re going to find out anything new about this planet in our lifetime, and how much effort are we going to spend on exploring when we don’t even know for certain yet it has easily killable natives guarding precious unobtainium?

And this seems like as good a time as any to point out it’s 2010 and we still don’t even have a moon base. It was 1969 we went to the moon, and all we’ve done since is diddle around in orbit. And we’re going to find out stuff about distant planets when we still haven’t had people on Mars? We better hope there isn’t other life out there, because they’re going to make fun of us.

Alan Grayson Slogans

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The NRCC will be running this ad in Orlando:

I like the slogan at the end: “Alan Grayson. He a national embarrassment.”

Still, maybe we can come up with some even better ones. Here’s some of my ideas:

“Alan Grayson. His weird giant head is creepy.”

“Alan Grayson. If Florida wants a sub-moronic thug, at least get one who’s not so loud and obnoxious.”

“Alan Grayson. Not actually related to Robin like he claims.”

“Alan Grayson. Banned from Disney World for biting children.”

“Alan Grayson. The tact and wisdom of the average Daily Kos commenter.”

“Alan Grayson. Orlando doesn’t need another stupid, dishonest, hate-filled loon representing it when it already has Donald Duck.”

“Alan Grayson. He makes us all dumber.”

“Alan Grayson. Let’s lock him in a padded room… though it doesn’t have to be padded if that costs a lot extra. The important things is that he’s locked somewhere he can’t escape from.”

“Alan Grayson. Come on. Really?”

“Alan Grayson. There’s better ways to ensure someone is keeping an eye on him than electing him to Congress.”

Random Thoughts

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I think we should change the name of the sperm whale to the less vulgar sounding “fail whale”.

The newly found “Goldilocks” planet should help us find how common life is… if we had something that went the speed of light and 20 years.

It would be great to tell the people of 1969 what the space program is like today so they could die knowing they didn’t miss anything.

It’s 2010 – WHERE’S MY MOON BASE?!!

I’ll finally admit it: I have no idea what the White House Chief of Staff does other than be the boogeyman for the other side.

All the Chief of Staff seems to do is stand around while people think he’s up to something. Perfect job for the Cigarette Smoking Man.

Actually, I want that job. What’s it pay?

Excited to see a bunch of Democrats kicked out in November, but then I remember they’re just getting replaced with Republicans.

Do you know you don’t register with a political party in Idaho? I guess as red as the state is, it’s just assumed.

So what’s happening with Feingold? Not stridently liberal enough?

In a much more sensible economy, hipsters would die of starvation.