10 Things Besides the Health Care Law We Should Name After Obama

Posted on June 28, 2012 7:01 pm

SCOTUS ruled that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is constitutional. It’s a terrible law, and everyone, including the President, calls it “Obamacare.”

So… what else should be named after him?
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“Unexplained thrills? Maybe it’s Obama Leg Syndrome”

1) The next dinosaur to be discovered in a communist country.

2) That one part of the toilet that never seems to work right and is a huge, messy pain in the ass to fix? I call it the “Obama valve”

3) Any sewage treatment plant that received stimulus funds.

4) Remember how they powered Thunderdome? That fuel should be called “Obamanol”.

5) That little piece of wood the Speaker of the House whacks his gavel on.

6) The next ship taken out of mothballs to be used as a target during wargames. [High Praise! to Ogrrre]

7) When the House re-introduces and re-passes the “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act“, just call it the “Obamacare Sucks Act” this time.

8) Any spot on your back that really itches that you just can’t reach that eventually turns into a malignant melanoma.

9) A generic term that encompasses both the liquid and solid contents of a litter box.

10) The act of walking barefoot to the bathroom in the middle of the night without turning on the light and stepping on a stray Lego piece.
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Regardless of what gets named after Obama in the future, rest assured that from now own, every time I say his name, it will be with that distinctive Samuel-L-Jacksonian tone and emphasis that would make a call-screener scramble desperately for the bleep-button out of sheer reflex, subconsciously convinced that I’d just uttered a particularly foul obscenity on the air.

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9 Responses to “10 Things Besides the Health Care Law We Should Name After Obama”

  1. Jimmy says:

    * Clamshell packaging (Frank will like that one, Harvey) – “Just open the damn Obama and get on with it!”

    * Suppositories – “Just stick an Obama in your anus and you’ll be right as rain!”

    * Root canals – “I had to have an Obama and it hurt like hell!”

    * Abortions – “I think you should have an Obama and not be inconvenienced by a pregnancy!”

    * Colonoscopy – ‘I’m ordering an Obama to check for polyps. Afterwards, use an Obama and you’ll feel right as rain!’

    * Enemas – “24 hours before surgery, you need to perform an Obama to clear your system.”

    * Headache – “I have a splitting Obama.”

  2. Burmashave says:

    * That sudden queasy feeling you get in your stomach that lets you know that things are not all right inside.

    * Any exercise or effort that turns out to be utterly pointless, “Man, I thought that would work, but it turned out to be an Obama.”

    * To make an obviously untrue statement, i.e. a father might say to his son, “Don’t Obama me! I’m no fool!”

  3. blarg says:

    I think we shouldn’t name anything after him. I wouldn’t want to tarnish the dignity of an enema or pig feces with such a name. I don’t think Obama deserves the honor of having things named after him so that history might forget him as quickly as possible.

  4. Went West says:

    We could steal one from “The meaning of Liff”.
    “That last drop which, no matter how much you shake it, always goes down your trouser leg.”

  5. Hunter says:

    Keying off of how Harvey will pronounce the name so that call screeners “scramble desperately for the bleep-button out of sheer reflex, subconsciously convinced that I’d just uttered a particularly foul obscenity on the air” I think that from now on not only will it be widely understood that the proper use of capital-O “Obama” is as a Tier-1 Pejorative, but also that little-o “obama” is now synonymous with the term “pejorative”. An obama is a word or grammatical form that connotes negativity and expresses contempt or distaste.

    At first this may strike people as awkward and unnatural, because after all when you accidently drop a printout of the Obamacare edict and crush your foot, you don’t reflexively scream out “PEJORATIVE!!!”
    However, most people will quickly and instinctively make the connection that since Obama himself is both awkward and unnatural (not to mention monumentally narcissistic), it makes perfect sense (and is almost a triple entendre) to use his name in vain.

    On the other hand, I am SO tempted to agree wholeheartedly with blarg, that I almost deleted the above comment.

  6. RAML says:

    After seeing some of the debate on the decision, wouldn’t be more like obamaTax than obama care.

  7. Zach says:

    Obama thingamajig – anything that is a pain to fix.

    Example: Then the stupid hippie said, ” even though the Obama thingamajig just started leaking, I think it broke 4 years ago.”

    Also, I agree with RAML. We now have Supreme Court evidence that it’s a tax, but we have no evidence that the people who passed it care.

  8. Iowa Jim says:

    Hitting your head on that open cabinet door when you stand up after working in a cramped position for half an hour fixing something.
    The water on your bathroom floor after the toilet seal springs a leak.
    The worst high-school teacher you had – the one who couldn’t teach, couldn’t maintain order in the classroom, and regarded insulting students as an important “teaching” method (I had more than my share of those).
    The act of writing a check for several thousand dollars to send in with your tax return.
    The nut frozen into place that you can’t access with your hacksaw.

  9. In the crosshairs says:

    -Any liquid stuff that becomes a semi-solid, like around the neck a a catsup bottle, dried diarreah on the toilet bowl etc., obama
    -When your finger pokes through the toilet paper, the result is obama on your finger.
    -When you throw up in your mouth and it goes back down, the taste is obama.
    -When dogs eat their own excretions they are obamaing
    -The smell when chicken is left in the trunk of the car by mistake for several days in the summer, its obamaodorific

    Aww, this is too easy

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