Straight Line of the Day: If You Buy a $500,000 Meeting With Obama, It Includes…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you buy a $500,000 meeting with Obama, it includes…
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February 28th, 2013 at 12:01 pm
…this lovely tote bag.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
…dinner with the First Lady. And for an addtional $500,000, dinner without the First Lady.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
…. a Multi-Million dollar payoff if/when the Obammunist revolution is a success
February 28th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
…a personalized threat from a senior White House official.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
Your choice of : two tickets to the Gong Show or a new bong.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…a promise that he will never tout your company’s success. (This was what the Piranha Brothers called the Other Other Other Operation.)
February 28th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
A gun safety demonstration by Joe Biden on the back porch.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
A hug from Joe BIden, a look around the inside of Obama’s bucket, and an obamacare waiver.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
…an opportunity to see if his ears act as locking tabs inside the bucket you brought.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…an autographed glossy 8×10 of the TOTUS. (“O’s & X’s, Lexie”)
February 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
…a night in the Lincoln Bedroom. Garlic and crosses not included.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
A first person account of how he bagged his first skeet.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
…condescension, arrogance and pomposity at no extra charge.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:26 pm
The extra straps that make it easier to caddy his golf bag.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
… a half and half
… a request for more money
… endorsement for any movie of your choice for an Academy Award
February 28th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
…and extra $100,000 service tax added on to the $500,000
February 28th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
…a free pass that let’s you win against the Wookie one time.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
A key to the Choom room.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
… permission to post your business’s advertisement on Michelle’s butt for one week.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:32 pm
… a free TSA grope and a 4 course meal that doesn’t require the use of a knife or fork
… an opportunity to prostrate to the Messiah in person
… a complimentary tour of the underside of Obama’s bus
February 28th, 2013 at 12:32 pm
…a catered lunch featuring your choice of breed for the entrée.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
… an opportunity to demonstrate how else you might be useful to the administration
February 28th, 2013 at 12:41 pm
@ rodney dill February 28th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
Don’t they have laws against billboards that size?
February 28th, 2013 at 12:46 pm
You get to the walk to the head of the bread line.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
…an arugula salad, with or without the arugula, and the one without arugula has arugula in it.
February 28th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
…a free doggy bag.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:03 pm
@Apostic, nyuk, nyuk, I was trying to work the size issue into the punchline, ended up just figuring most people would get it anyway.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:05 pm
…a follow up meeting with Donna Brazile, where you can explain to her why her healthcare premium went up.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:06 pm
…a free drone ride.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
…a free ride on the Obama bus, plus you get to throw two people under it for free.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
…entertainment provided by Joe the dancing shotgun bear.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:22 pm
…a partnership with the Muslim Bruthahood
February 28th, 2013 at 1:26 pm
….a viewing of Hubris 2 with Rachel Madcow
February 28th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
…a shake weight workout with Reggie Love and a shotgun autographed by Joe Biden.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:31 pm
You get a lap dance from Muchelle!
February 28th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
…a ticket to hell and a handbasket so you can get a head start on the rest of Amerika.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
…an all-you-can-eat dog buffet.
February 28th, 2013 at 1:50 pm
…lunch consisting of the most tender cuts of doberman. For $1,000,000, you get collie tar tar.
February 28th, 2013 at 2:22 pm
an Obamacare waiver, a whole deck of race cards, a SlapChop plus the pocket-sized mini-Obama.
But wait, there’s more!
Call within the next five minutes and we’ll double your order!
That’s right. Just pay shipping and handling totaling an additional $50,000 and receive TWO of everything you see here. Offer void where prohibited. NY, IL and DC residents add 10% sales tax.
February 28th, 2013 at 2:31 pm
…a lunch of roasted wild skeets.
February 28th, 2013 at 2:33 pm
having your car detailed by Joe Biden.
February 28th, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Bring your wife and she can get free fashion tips from MissHell
February 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm
…throw in an extra $50,000 and you get lunch with an R.O.U.S.* in New Jersey
*(Republican Of Unusual Size)
February 28th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
…a night of Dancing With The Czars
February 28th, 2013 at 2:47 pm
…all you can eat… but only 1 sixteen ounce drink to wash it down.
February 28th, 2013 at 2:51 pm
….about 5 minutes of his time if you are white OR a party in Las Vegas, complete with Crystal champagne fountain while an American embassy is burning, if you are a Black celebrity couple.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:16 pm
…a former staff member for you to throw under a bus.
…WAFFLES!
…does it matter since his supporters would swallow anything from him?
February 28th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
…a year’s supply of Rice a’ Roni!
February 28th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
…an iPod already loaded with his speeches.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:19 pm
…a lap dance from Joey. (Good luck getting that picture out of your head!)
February 28th, 2013 at 3:23 pm
face time with the half-mill-atto.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:25 pm
…a photo of you and Obama and excludes anything of value affecting the rest of the country.
…a half billion in loans that the taxpayers will pay off after you bilk the business it creates for about a half billion.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:28 pm
…500 K worth of racial guilt easement that lasts until you listen to his next speech.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:32 pm
For A Fistful of Dollars – or – For A Few Dollars More (your choice) – a DVD animation of Clint Eastwood getting his head blown clean off by a .44 Magnum while standing next to an empty chair.
February 28th, 2013 at 3:46 pm
…Alec Baldwin using a racial slur you get the blame for because $500,000 means you are not liberal enough and have to be punished.
…a nice red carpet put down for you to crawl on.
…a face to sneer meeting with a dictatorial egotist and hey, what more do you expect to get for a piddly half mil?
February 28th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
…a seat close enough to Biden’s high chair to watch him dump a bowl of cereal on his head.
…fun ride on one of Michelle’s hips!
February 28th, 2013 at 3:52 pm
…a $500 Million dollar govt back loan for the future bankrupt company of your choice.
February 28th, 2013 at 5:01 pm
…a $500,000 bill for services rendered: Obama gracing you with his presence *barf*
(Hi gang! *waves to my fellow patriots*)
February 28th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
Where you been, Nunya bidness?
February 28th, 2013 at 5:50 pm
. . . a quart of cheap gin and a date with Susan Fluke.
February 28th, 2013 at 5:52 pm
. . . a vegetarian dinner where he introduces you to his master Nyarlathotep.
February 28th, 2013 at 5:59 pm
… An Obamacare exemption.
February 28th, 2013 at 6:44 pm
A Place Card, with your name on it.
February 28th, 2013 at 9:40 pm
…a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of Koolaid.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:41 am
A pin so you can sign the check in blood…
March 1st, 2013 at 8:52 am
Absolutely nothing, according to Jay Carney. He may be more correct than he thinks.
March 1st, 2013 at 8:54 am
A free copy of “How To Run A Successful Business” by the Postmaster General. Just pay postage and handling. Please!
March 1st, 2013 at 8:55 am
A cabinet position, apparently. You can even Hagel over the price.
March 1st, 2013 at 8:57 am
A case of the warm fuzzies (leftover poodles from dinner).
March 1st, 2013 at 8:58 am
Membership in his new party, the Smug-Satis Faction.
March 1st, 2013 at 9:09 am
A $1,000,000,000,000 coin. Of course, upon closer inspection it is stamped “Novelty Only”.
March 1st, 2013 at 9:20 am
…a peek inside the Book of Secrets for Obama’s schnauzer schnitzel recipe.
…running one play with the Atomic Football.
March 1st, 2013 at 9:23 am
A private flight to the Dominican Republic and your choice from five underaged hookers.
Oops. That was the $500,000 dinner with Senator Menendez.
March 1st, 2013 at 9:27 am
$50 dollars worth of JollyTime Popcorn and whatever is in the Box that Carol is point to.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:48 am
An “I’m with stupid” t-shirt.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:51 am
…15 minutes to control of the drone of your choice.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:56 am
… two 30 minute shotgun shooting lessons from Joe Biden and a free skeet-shooting trip to Camp David.
… an Obamacare waiver.
… the phone number of a really great Secret Service-preferred brothel.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:03 pm
…a stern warning not to stare at Obama’s ears.
…your big chance to show off your groveling skills and a severe beat-down if you slobber on The 0nes shoes.
March 1st, 2013 at 10:10 pm
. . . Green Stamps, because their manufacture aids his newest Green Jobs Agenda.