Random Thoughts: Derringers!

Posted on July 17, 2014 9:00 am

The 5 most dangerous letters in my first name:
1. F
2. k
3. n
4. r
5. Derringers

Don’t tell Rolling Stone, but I’m designing a new, high-capacity Derringer. THREE shots.

Wonder if we’ll see a Derringer resurgence, appearing in the inner city instead of just in disputes over poker in saloons.

The genius of the article was after the first 4, you’re like, “What guns are left?” but Rolling Stone found one more you weren’t expecting.

Palestinians just want to launch rockets at Israel in peace.

I remember way back in 2002, one of my very first blog posts was making fun of Arafat. He’s dead now. I get results.

“I know what you’re thinking: ‘Did he fire two shots or only one?’ Being this is a Derringer, the 5th deadliest gun…”

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21 Responses to “Random Thoughts: Derringers!”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    He was short and fat, and rode out of the West
    With a Mogen David on his silver vest.
    He was mean and nasty right clear through,
    Which was kinda weird, ’cause he was yellow too.

    They called him Irving.
    Big Irving.
    Big, short Irving.
    Big, short, fat Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

    He came from the old Bar Mitzvah spread,
    With a 10-gallon yarmulke on his head.* [see below]
    He always followed his mother’s wishes,
    Even on the range he used two sets of dishes.

    Irving.
    Big, fat Irving.
    Big sissy Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

    A hundred and forty-one could draw faster than he,
    But Irving was looking for one forty-three.
    Walked into Sol’s Saloon like a man insane,
    And ordered three fingers of two cents plain.

    Irving.
    Big, fat Irving.
    Big sport Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

    One day Bad Max happened into town.
    His aim was to shoot fat Irving down.
    Bad Max said, “Draw, and draw right now!”
    And Irving drew, drew a picture of a cow.

    Irving.
    Big, fat Irving.
    Big gunfighter Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

    The James Boys was comin’ on a train at first sun,
    And the town said, “Irving, we need your gun.”
    When that train pulled in at the break of dawn,
    Irving’s gun was there, but Irving was gone.

    Irving.
    Big, fat Irving.
    Big help, Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

    Well, finally Irving got three slugs in the belly.
    It was right outside the Frontier Deli.
    He was sittin’ there twirlin’ his gun around,
    And butterfingers Irving gunned himself down!

    Irving.
    Big, fat Irving.
    Big dum-dum Irving.
    Big dum-dum dead Irving.
    The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.
    Really.

    * The line about the 10-gallon yarmulke was on the original LP, but the single version and subsequent LP pressings substituted the line:
    “Schlepping a salami and pumpernickel bread.”
    This substitution was made because the record company felt the joke would be lost on non-Jewish listeners.

  2. jw says:

    allen sherman

  3. D-Rock says:

    Don’t you dare make that derringer out of black plastic and give it a pistol grip! The potential ramifications of an assault derringer are too frightening to contemplate!

  4. DamnCat says:

    “Say hello to my tiny little friend!”

  5. jw says:

    @4 DamnCat

    a catling gun?

  6. Harvey says:

    @5 jw – Catling gun

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KWTAq3GkfA

  7. DamnCat says:

    @ jw – Nn, a Purretta

  8. jw says:

    @7 DamnCat

    fully loaded, 7 round, Purretta clip

    http://www.wimp.com/reflexeskittens/

  9. walruskkkch says:

    I’ll take a Mouser.

  10. Critter says:

    Three? Pfffft. My sister carried a Derringer with Four barrels and chambered in .22 short. Of course that was way back when people weren’t concerned with high capacity assault. Derringer.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    Who would have thought singing “Hang on Sloopy” and “Rock and Roll Hoochie koo” could be so dangerous?

  12. jw says:

    @10 Critter

    .22 short?. Pfffft.

    357 mag

    http://www.onpointsupply.com/images/cop_357_four_barrel_derringer-14.jpg

  13. Tim says:

    The five most dangerous vehicles
1. Cars: Most accidents occur between cars.
2. Vans: Vans are dangerous too because they contain drivers.
3. Trucks: Speaker system in some trucks have been known to be distracting.
4. Planes: Popular targets of the vast right wing conspiracy that votes for democrats.
5. MoPeds: Do I have to explain?

  14. Tim says:

    The five most dangerous vehicles

    
1. Cars: Most accidents occur between cars.

    2. Vans: Vans are dangerous too because they contain drivers.

    3. Trucks: Speaker system in some trucks have been known to be distracting.

    4. Planes: Popular targets of the vast right wing conspiracy that votes for democrats.

    5. MoPeds: Do I have to explain?

  15. Jimmy says:

    @9 Walrus: I fired my son’s Mouser some years ago. The thing is loud and packs a wallop… and hurts!

  16. Oppo says:

    @Jimmy: Is it my imagination, or have you been absent a few days until today?

  17. Jimmy says:

    It’s not your imagination, Oppo. I’m absent every day.

  18. Oppo says:

    Well, you’re missed when you’re not around.

  19. Jimmy says:

    Most kind, sir.

  20. CrabbyOldBat says:

    Thanks, walruskkkch. Flashbacks to the old Dr. Demento radio show.

    #2 jw: I thought this was Allan Sherman, too, but it is Frank Gallop.

  21. jw says:

    @20 crabby-

    i think that they both did it. i have seen authorship credited to both. seen performances by both though i’m having trouble finding sherman today.

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