Jason Hannemann from Austin, Texas asks
Is it just me or is the Sun just a big orange bully in the Solar
System?
God I hate the Sun. I’m still peeling from the sunburn I got a couple weeks ago in Miami. So far, I’ve never heard any advantages about the sun, but I know it gets in my eyes and drives up my electric bill from me having to use AC. And think of all the cool places we could go if the Earth was allowed to float free through the galaxy instead of being pinned in an orbit around the egotistical Sun.
The Sun is not that large for a star, so it probably has an inferiority complex which is why it’s such a bully. As soon as I figure out how, I will destroy the sun, and I will be known as Frank, Destroyer of Suns. And I will be feared.
Kevin from an Undisclosed Middle Eastern Country™ asks:
If I’m not paying state or fed taxes because I’m in an area designated as a warzone (Undisclosed Middle Eastern Country™) does that make me a warrior or am I still a REMF?
Good question. To know more, I’d have to ask have you been in a firefight? Have you been near a firefight? Have you heard gunshots in the distance at least? Do you regularly carry a firearm?
Then again, you’re in an Undisclosed Middle Eastern Country™, while I’m here in my office eating pizza, so in comparison you seem like freak’n Rambo. And, once you get back to the states, you can walk around in your uniform and tell all the women any stories you want, and they’ll have to believe them.
“So one day three Iraqis, real mean Baath party members, charge at me. Big mistake. I take them out with a series of kung-fu moves, finally grabbing their leader from behind and snapping his neck like a tooth pick. A fight like that made me hungry, and luckily it was now lunchtime. The side today was tater-tots covered in gravy, and damn was that good. Now give me some sugar, baby.”
Alan Forrester from Oxford, England asks:
What is an imaginary number?
Pure crap is the short answer. No number can be squared and remain negative, so some mathematician made up this number i one day, but who gives a rats ass? Other mathematicians, I guess. Other than to those freaks, it’s completely useless.
Okay, so I remember using imaginary numbers in my college class on analog circuits for these things called phazons or phasors, but we engineers just made use of i so the mathematicians wouldn’t feel so useless (even though they are).
I’ll admit it, the reason I’m so down on imaginary numbers is that they don’t let you make up your own. Why can the square root of -1 be an imaginary number, but not one divided by zero. I’d call it imaginary number x. But my eighth grade math teacher told me, “No, you can’t make your own imaginary number. Stop trying to divide things by zero.”
And I was like, “You fking bitch! You don’t tell me what to do. I’ll fking kill you!”
And then the whole math class tackled me and tried to pry the compass from my hand, but the devil was in me and there was no stopping me. Finally the bell rang, though, and it was time for recess.
Saved by the bell, Mrs. Glogowski. Saved by the bell.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Wait a minute–they give phasers to math guys? Is that safe? And where can I get one?
Heh. Phasors. That ‘o’ takes all the fun away, trust me, Big Dog.
And I must note, Frank, that us engineers use the square root of -1, but we had to make it our own and turn it into j instead of i. Can’t let those math guys think they’re doing anything too useful.
I forgot that; we already used i for something else.
One cannot say “i love j” without first learning how to say “j.”
Of course you can make up your own imaginary numbers. Politicians do it all the time. Especially at budget time.
I think you should be the next White House Press Secretary.
Whoooooo boy that would be fun!
Helen Thomas wouldn’t get two words out before having a fist in her ugly putrid face.
hehehehehehehe
Hello squirrel.
Isn’t anything divided by zero equal to infinity?
If you want to have some real fun with imaginary numbers, try visiting the Iraq Body Count website.
Watcher,
I want to play with that yellow thing! That yellow thing looks fun!
HAHA! Funny stuff with the “imaginary number” question/answer. I’m passing this on to my brother who is a mechanical engineer. He’s gonna love it.
Ok Frank… but if you blow yourself up, I promise not to let them count you more than once.
I heard gunshots when I was in Umm Qsar, and an explosion broke a window in our building.
I was also traumatized by the Qok of Umm Qsar – that must count for something. (see late march/early april archives.)
Kevin, you are Arnold and Vin Disel combined.
I am Rambo
Or something like that. At least according to Frank J. On a semi-related note, if you haven’t been reading about
When I was a radio intelligence analyst in Viet Nam (Phu Bai, 1970), the grunts considered me to be a REMF. I considered my step brother (who was on a gunline destroyer off the coast) to be a REMF. He considered my brother stationed in Germany to be a REMF, and HE considered our cousin at Ft. Devens, Mass. to be a REMF.
It’s all relative. To the pointman, EVERYONE is a REMF.
I still want a phaser.