Meryl Yourish from a secluded island in the Pacific asks:
Who do you think would win in a fight between the Hulk and Rumsfeld?
That’s a hard one. One is a boiling pot of rage that thinks of nothing more than destruction, and the other is large and green. Personally, I’d put my money on Rumsfeld– as long he took his arthritis medicine before the fight.
Vince from NS, Canada writes:
As an evil conservative, I can understand keeping women pregnant and in the kitchen. But why barefoot!? It seems kinda unsanitary. Hopefully you can
clear this up.
Giving women shoes is a big mistake. As soon as they have shoes, they might feel safe venturing outside the house. And if they’re out of the house, who will bring you your beer when you are watching football? And next thing you know, women may use the freedom of shoes to go out and vote, and that’s how people like Bill Clinton got elected. Even Dole would have won against him if men had just kept their women barefoot and in the kitchen.
And, of course, once women get one pair of shoes, they’ll want more. Me, I have one pair of worn sneakers, and, whether I’m going jogging, going to work, or going to the governor’s ball, they’re all I need. But women will want all sort of wacky shoes for reasons unconceivable to men. Soon, your whole closet will be filled with them and your wife will be saying, “We need to get rid of some of your power tools to make room for more shoes.”
Barefoot and in the kitchen; that’s the only way to go.
To women readers of IMAO: I’m just kidding!
Michael Colwell of Ucluelet, BC, Canada asks:
You seem to be an expert on monkeys. I want to know this: Why did The Man With The Yellow Hat continue to rescue Curious George from the perilous situations he created for himself? And why was he always dressed in yellow with those funny boots? Frankly, The Man looks French to me. I read Curious George stories to my young kids and I’m worried that I might be corrupting them. Should I stop?
Yes, stop immediately!
My mother read Curious George stories to me as a child, until my father heard one and correctly identified it as a subversive threat. He then burnt all the books and we were better for it.
Why is George so “curious”? Why is he sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong? Because he’s a spy, that’s why. And he relays his information back to France, the most monkey and terrorist friendly government in Europe, through the man in the yellow hat. Of course, most people don’t notice the monkey as a spy, because he and the man in the yellow hat (who we quite conspicuously never hear the name of) disguise his intelligence gathering efforts as “misadventures.”
Well, no one’s pulling the wool over my eyes. Curiosity not only kills the cat, but the monkey as well if I have anything to do about it.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Two additional thoughts…
The first about shoes: witness the case of the Brooklyn woman killing her boyfriend with her high-heeled shoe. Not only did she kill him, her manslaughter charges were dropped. A woman in the kitchen already has knives and other instruments of death…does she need another?
About Curious George: Mad TV had a great spoof, where the man in the yellow coat was really a scientist, rounding up animals for his product-testing lab. Bunnies were covered in Mary Kay products, etc. Curious George led a revolt of the animals, forcing the man to watch endless hours of Fox TV. And as they said, “Even the gerbil found a home.”
“To women readers of IMAO: I’m just kidding!”
wuss.
My daughter just read your latest Frank Answers and then sends me an email with this at the end of it.
p.s. I’m gonna need a new pair of shoes for when we go to Georgia.
Thanks Frank!
You’d think the evil spying of Curious George would have been noticed sooner. I mean, the Man in the Yellow Hat is so obviously French: it’s a YELLOW hat. Duh.
I heard a rumor that the girl who owned Clifford the big red dog moved to France after he (Clifford) drowned while fighting with Aquaman.
Anybody else here that?
Hey, what the–
Frank! You forgot the reference to the Nuke the Moon t-shirt in this post! blinks 🙂
Curiosity not only kills the cat, but the monkey as well if I have anything to do about it.
Yes, but in the case of the cat ‘satisfaction brings him back’.
Sean,
Damn! How’d I forget that!
Woohoo! My question got published! 🙂
How many others did I beat out?
Please tell me it was more than two 🙁
I assume people realized I was joking too? I figured a disclaimer would be a bit patronizing.
Vince, I have a giant backlog of questions, so feel lucky 🙂
Not that people should stop sending me more. More questions, more!
As an official represenative of The Royal Order of Sithmonkeys, I can assure you that Curious George is not only a French Spy, but he once tried to infiltrate our Cabal. Fortunately, the Emperor trained me well, and I was able to ferret out his little furry ass due to the aweful smell of french cheeses he exuded. As for the Man with the Yellow Hat, I suspect he is CG’s mentor/lover…they’re french, what do you expect? shrug