Things are looking pretty dour for John Kerry right now, and everything he does seems to make it worse. First there is his attempt to hold two simultaneous but conflicting positions like being for and against the war, for and against funding the troops, etc. He won’t even need Bush for the Presidential debates; he could just do them Gollum style, making a statement, and then rebutting vehemently right after.
“We must fund the troops in Iraq!”
Camera angle on Kerry changes. “No! I hateses funding the nasty troopses!”
And now he’s attacked Bush about his National Guard service – a story that played out months ago – after he said he was against such petty attacks. Really, presidential candidates are supposed to leave such sniping to subordinates; it’s almost seeming like it’s amateur hour at the Apollo with Kerry now.
I guess it’s Frank to the rescue.
Yes, I want the Democrats to lose, and to lose so big it wipes out their “Bush was selected not elected” delirium. So big that they cry. So big that they actually follow through on their threats to move to France. Still, I just can’t stand idly by and watch a train wreck, so here are my ideas to help the Kerry campaign:
* Get Rid of the French-Lookingness: This is a hard one, but essential. Instead of a suit, wear a leather jacket and sunglasses. Mess up that thousand dollar haircut of yours. Then, grow some stubble. If you can’t grow stubble because of that Botox stuff, then have a Hollywood makeup artist give you some.
* Stop Talking: You seem to put your foot in your mouth trying to explain your odd positions, so don’t talk at all. Be this mysterious, gruff looking individual of few words. Respond to most questions with a grunt or a “whatever”. This moves you from aloof – which people hate – to apathetic – which is cool. If someone keeps pestering you with a question, instead of coming up with a lame dodge by attacking Bush, intimidate the individual. For example:
REPORTER: “Senator Kerry, did you or did you not throw your own medals over a fence in protest?”
MO’FO’ KERRY: “Who f**king cares? What I do know, if you keep bothering me about it, I’m going to throw my fist in your face.”
The average Joe – or even the average Steve – would really respond to that.
* No More Mentioning That You Served Vietnam: Okay, dude, we all know you served in Vietnam and are getting tired of you bringing it up, but there’s a better way to mention it. Instead of saying, “By the way, I served in Vietnam”, phrase instead as “I’ve killed people before.” Said in a low, menacing voice, it’s also a good dodge to questions.
* Pick a VP that Makes You Look Good in Comparison: Since everyone think you’re haughty and aloof and uncharismatic, pick a VP that’s even more haughty, more aloof, and less charismatic. But who…
Al Gore! He’s even already got VP experience. He might be really tired of it, though, so if you get elected and you see him playing with garroting wire, don’t turn your back on him.
* Use Reverse Psychology: Usually political ads say why you should vote for one guy or why you shouldn’t vote for another guy. That’s old and tired. If you want to be cool, have an ad where you say, “I’m John Kerry and… know what? F**k this. I don’t even want your stupid vote. I’m outta here.” Then just walk off camera. And people will be like, “That guy is cool! He doesn’t even care if we vote for him! I’m going to vote for him!” It will totally work.
* Wrestle a Bear: Only a badass could wrestle a bear. And then you’ll have something to talk about other than being in Vietnam. No matter what policy question someone asks you, you can be like, “Hey! I wrestled a bear! I can handle that podunk crap!”
* Keep Bill Clinton in His Place: Using his new book, Bill Clinton is going to try and steal the spotlight for himself to the detriment of Democrats in general. You need to have a public meeting with him and then stomp his ass. Be like, “I’m the leader of the Democrats now, bitch!” He might call on Hillary for help, and I’ll leave that up to whether you take her on. I hear that in a fight she’s all nails and teeth.
* Improve General Badassery: If people are going to take you seriously as a president who can handle the war on terror, you need to be a complete and total badass. Instead of doing the usual politician thing of shaking hands and kissing babies, be like, “Keep your damn hands away from me!” and “Get that ugly baby out of my face!” People will be like, “Damn! That guy is a badass. To once think I believed he was haughty and aloof.”
So, Kerry, the choice is yours. You can either known as “John Kerry, the haughty, french-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam” or as “John F’n Kerry, badass loner of few words who’s killed people and, by the way, wrestled a bear”. Not much of choice, huh? I’d almost vote for you if you were the latter, except that I’m pretty sure you’d raise my taxes. By the way, I don’t care if you wrestled a bear: if you raise my taxes, I kick your ass.
I wonder if that could be a campaign slogan…
That “I’ve killed people” line will work. It worked for me in my interview after I retired from the military.
Boss: “What positive traits do you have and what can you do for this company?”
Me: “I used to get paid to kill people.”
Boss: “When can you start?”
Love it. “Raise My Taxes and I Kick Your Ass” definitely needs to be a bumper sticker. When will you be selling them?
Wow! I’d actually vote for him if he followed this strategy. Kind of a “Nuke the Moon” campaign.
For John Kerry to win he needs to learn the difference between sh#t and shinola
Frank,
the word is wrassle and the animal is a baar.
Davey….Davey Crockett…king of the wild frontier…
As a member of Generation X, the Viet Nam thing doesn’t carry that much weight with me. I have nothing against Nam vets in general and I respect the work they (most of them) did. However, I don’t know that such service says anything about presidential capability.
Most of the Nam vets I’ve met are ok. A couple are bit nuts. I wonder which one Kerry is…
He won’t even need Bush for the Presidential debates; he could just do them Golem style, making a statement, and then rebutting vehemently right after.
Laughed out loud at that one, Frank.
Jennifer,
Thanks, but you made me relaize I spelled Gollum wrong; Golem is the monster from Jewish lore.
They used to call them camera men, now they call them camera angels?
hahahahha! The comparison to Gollum was the greatest thing I’ve heard in a while! Kerry does seem to have split personalities.
Typonator,
If you don’t want typos, then go elsewhere 🙂
We all knew what you meant.
That would make a great IMW: Kerry as Gollum.
Another suggestion for Kerry; Pack heat. Show em your .45 in the shoulder holster every now and then. And when some wimpy reporter asks you about it, say “that’s not all”, and show em your backup .32 in the ankle holster.
Man, if it weren’t for the tax thing, that’d be enough for me.
“If you can’t grow stubble because of that Botox stuff, then have a Hollywood makeup artist give you some.”
Or, an idea I got from a Red Meat comic strip, he could suck on a magnet and put iron filings on his face.
“Camera angle on Kerry changes. ‘No! I hateses funding the nasty troopses!'”
Frank, I’m not sure how I feel about you insulting Gollum by comparing him to Kerry, but that was hilarious. More excellent work from the greatest Frank J ever.
No, I’m not kissing up to improve my chances in the Babe Contest… Really, I’m not.
Sorry, but Kerry in leather sounds about as appealing as Prince Charles in leather.
Nope, doesn’t work.
sarahk,
I’m only one vote of 9, so you have to do more kissing up 🙂
Is it just me?
But whenever Kerry opens his mouth.
Does anyone else flash back to the Ultra-Low Budget
Ray Milland/Roosevelt Grier B-Movie
‘The Thing With Two Heads’?
Ray Milland as a bigot. With Rooselvelt Grier’s
head sewn on his shoulder.
I think Kerry as Gollum would be hilarious as an SNL skit. Frank, you ever think of trying to get a job as a writer there? Their political skits are usually the funniest anyways–they could be your specialty!
don’t worry, i’m already working on that, Frank J!
“I’m the leader of the Democrats now, bitch!” That would make for some great nightly news. Except that in a fight Bill would wipe the floor with Kerry. No one fights dirtier then Bill and Hillary. Besides Kerry would be like ‘First I’m gonna hit you with my right first.’ Then he’d stop and change his mind ‘No, first I’m gonna slap you with my left hand.’ Then he’d stop again. By the time he made up his mind on how to hit Bill he’d already be lying face down in a park near DC just like Vince Foster.
Dang Frank! Now you gone and done it! You gave ’em too much help, dag-nab-it! Stop it now boy, or I’ll open a can o’ whoop-ass on your sorry self.
sincerly,
Old Rebel Geezer
Kerry Campaign Floundering
Looks like Kerry can’t get off the ground without putting his foot in his mouth. Frank J has some advice that the Kerry camp may want to consider!
“badassery?”
ok, cool!
–Peter E. – That was funny!!
–Oh, sorry, Frank… GREAT post, as always!!
No, my blog has not been taken over by aliens
I really liked Frank J’s Suggestions to Improve John Kerry’s Campaign. I would quote a goodly bit of it, but it might be easier if you just go look at it over there. You can come back, and, who knows,…
Heh, steve. I knew the “whatever” thing rang a bell.
Frank J. _ AH HAH! I KNEW IT! “Golem!” You “neocon,” you!
And I don’t know about you guys, but if I’m bending over in front of any man, he better be showing me more than a .32… wait a minute, that didn’t come out right…
Aha! I found proof that I made a joke comparing John Kerry to Gollum back in March in the comments section to Kallini.com (see here: http://www.kallini.com/comments.php?id=P1102_0_1_0_C). I beat Frank J!
First wrestle a bear then face Hilary’s teeth and nails? Oh the horror… the horror…
Totally John F-ing Kerry Hilarious! ROFLMAO!
You left out the part about kicking Maxine Waters down a flight of stairs in a “Sista Soulga” moment.
Perhaps kicking Al Gore down a flight of stairs will play better; most independents already think he’s a … well you get the picture, not just the Anti-Bush but the Anti-Clinton at the same time, wrapped up in a “let’s get over Florida, we’re bigger than that” moment.
sorry about the new poll numbers, folks
Look, a leather jacket and stubble aren’t going to make him not look French. He’ll just look like one of those dirty annoying Frenchman trying to look like a cool American from a 1960’s road film.
No, you know what will make him look non-French. Fricking smile. A big wide tooth-filled American smile.
Ah, with him it’ll probably come out as a sneer or a grimace.
We threw the Precious over the White House fence, yes, gollum gollum
Blogger Frank J. says John Kerry won’t need George W. Bush for the presidential debates — “he could just do them Gollum style, making a statement, and then rebutting vehemently right after”: “We must fund the troops in Iraq!” Camera…
“Instead of saying, “By the way, I served in Vietnam”, phrase instead as “I’ve killed people before.”
I kid you not, one of John Kerry’s surrogates already tried that! Bob Mulholland was on the “John & Ken” Show (a LA area afternoon talk program)a couple of weeks ago and he made the comment in response to a question about why Kerry would be a better President.
As far as its effeciveness, I don’t know. I am now leaning towards voting for Kerry, at least before I vote against him.
Frank J’s Advice for John Kerry
This has got to be absolutely the FUNNIEST thing I’ve read in ages. How can Kerry fix his floundering campaign? A plethora of thoughtful ideas are presented, including… * Pick a VP that Makes You Look Good in Comparison: Since
nasty trickses
I’m still playing catch-up with the news—last week of teaching and all that—but one would have to be distracted indeed to miss the signs of John Kerry’s forthcoming implosion. Our occasional guest blogger Doug Heinz tells me that his Democr…
Long term thinking
Three stories — all of which I found at InstaPundit — have me thinking. According to Kenneth Timmerman, WMDs have been found by the U.S. military, but the U.N. jumps through hoops to declare otherwise. (Via Glenn Reynolds.) There’s a…
By the way, I don’t care if you wrestled a bear: if you raise my taxes, I kick your ass.
Frank Suggestions to Improve John Kerry’s Campaign. It’s just so crazy that it might actually work!…
Good Advice for Kerry
Frank J of IMAO has some advice for how Kerry could do better in the campaign. My favorite line: Use Reverse Psychology: Usually political ads say why you should vote for one guy or why you shouldn’t vote for another guy. That’s old and tired. If you w…
O.K. you guys must be very rich or pretty poor if you think Bush is lowering your taxes. For most of us with middle class incomes the alternative minium tax is here or sneaking closer and this means paying more. How did you think they were going to cut the deficit?
If you don’t know about this you are either stupid or making chicken feed.
“french-looking”
You votin’ based on the candidate’s looks? Bush turns you on when he fires up that chainsaw, zat it?
I’m getting taxed out the ass. The deficit is growing. What tax cut did Bush ever do that isn’t bankrupting the country. That’s a fake tax cut, we are paying for it on the flip side.
What’s so badass about having to take daddy cheney to the commission with him? What kind of man can’t even fight his own battles — oh that’s right, he really never did show up for those eight months of guard duty. Your press core decided that wasn’t news. It’s only news when a Democrat objects to a war, not when an aloof rich spoiled momma’s boy gets out of it through his connections. Your hero is pathetic.
We ain’t makin’ chicken feed, but we aren’t your ‘very rich’ folks either – and we saw a significant tax savings. Peddle the bullshit elsewhere – we can see the difference in our taxes over the last three years and that crap doesn’t work.
Just remember – Kerry wants your refund. ALL of it. After all – he can spend it much better than you can.
sorry — didn’t realize this was a humor site. Didn’t mean to bring you all down. Have your fun, boys, er, ladies and gents. Don’t take this stuff too seriously. A candidate’s looks shouldn’t be the deciding factor. And the French — they are our friends. They tried to warn us not to put our hand in the meat-grinder in Iraq. Would that we had heeded their advice. But either way, right or wrong, it’s despicable the way we’ve been acting to that country. I’m of French heritage, and I’m sick of this bullcrap — I’m not ashamed of my heritage. I’m 100% American, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant enough to go around ordering “freedom fries.” Do you have any idea how ignorant that makes us look? Like a bunch of yahoots.
Hey, I’m not saying I love the French, far from it. I’m glad I’m American, and I don’t respect the French snobbery that you see all too often. But really, this is serious stuff — matters of war and peace. Get over the Kerry’s looks aspect. I’ve gotten over the fact that Bush looks and talks like a chimp — that’s not why I’m voting against him.
Are you ignorant or what tax squeezed? The French were covering their multi-billion dollar bribes they were getting from Saddam. Read the news.
Oh yeah, it’s not in the news.
JLawson: yeah, maybe you got a bit of extra money on the front end, but now we are going to have to service the interest on all of that debt. If you hold Govt. T-Bills, maybe that’s ok, but to me, it’s the rich who hold those Treasuries, so when we pay our bigger tax to service that debt, we are driving the money up the stack again — another engine that makes the rich richer. Sooner or later, that deficit is going to have to be addressed. Bush borrowed on our future taxes to buy you off.
It’s always the same with the Republicans, it’s always about making the rich richer. I’ve been watching politics a long time. They throw you a bone, but it messes up the nation’s economy, and it doesn’t do anyone any good. It looks ok on paper, but it ain’t.
If Kerry raises taxes, on those making $200,000 or more, and addresses the deficit, I support it.
Not including my email because… well let’s just say one time I got some hatemail from some guy.
They say we are traitors, they say that Kerry is “al Qaeda,” stuff like that. They make fun of him because his first purple heart was for a scratch. They make up fake scandals about ribbons vs. medals — who cares? This from a succession of guys who couldn’t even be bothered to serve.
You act like taking a stand against a bloody war — Vietnam was a blunder — was wrong. It was right to stand up. Lot of people did, helped get us out of there. We killed 2,000,000 Vietnamese, imagine us killing that many Iraqis — in order to save the country.
Then we hear from the Republicans “who cares if he served?” I don’t care myself, but it was a big deal when Clinton was trying to get elected — when did Republicans change their mind about that?
To us, Bush is undermining the constitution. That guy padilla or whatever, maybe he’s a loser, but that ain’t the point. These are basic freedoms. You give them up at your peril. The whole point of having a trial — you have to prove guilt. The burden of proof is on the prosecution.
Or, should we just lock everyone up, like we did in WWII? Isn’t that what the Republicans really want? They can’t just come out and say it — this is the test case.
That’s how I see things. So I have to vote for Kerry.
Hey squeezed…
Time to stop sniffing glue! As a member of the VRWC I can see lots of tax deductions, both in my business and my personal return. You must be dumb as shit or one of those folks who never pays taxes, if you can’t see a reduction in your taxes.
Here’s a clue: If you want to see lower taxes, you have to get a job first. Ass Dart.
Greg — good point. The French did business with Hussein. Yeah, that was in the news,
That’s not the whole story though. Pakistan had dealings with Afghanistan, yet they backed us on that war. Different set of circumstances, sure, but it shows that the relations of the countries before the war is not the only deciding factor.
I believe the French honestly saw the Iraq war as a dubious one, that would create instability in the region. Did the money color that opinion? Sure, but you could say the same about us — there’s been a gold rush for certain companies in Iraq.
When we say “the French” we are talking about the French people. French public opinion was that this war would be a mistake — right or wrong, I think we should not have smeared them for their opinion. It’s not like each and everyone of them was being bribed.
We could have convinced France. It might have taken another year of UN bullshit. I realize that, but then, our own case was so obviously trumped up. What an insult to all of those countries. We should have more respect — I’m telling you, this stuff will come back to haunt us.
The French are not “dirty” people, although it’s true they take less showers than we do. But I don’t think that kind of talk is helpful. I just don’t think we should trash our allies so easily. It makes us look rash, and stupid.
We rushed into this war, without really thinking it over. We should have listened to the French.
You can say, “ok, hindsight is 20/20, what do we do now?” True, but we still have to sort out what got us to this point.
What a load!
They are socialists! You use the term ‘allies’ but I do not. It wouldn’t surprise me to see them dance in the streets at the death of an American soldier. Just for the satifaction of being right.
Our coalition soldiers have LIBERATED two countries. Yes, LIBERATED. The French seem to have a problem with other people having the freedoms they enjoy. They cried “IT’s about the Oil!” and guess what? It sure was.
The French are morally bankrupt but that comes with the territory when you are a socialist. Protect my pension and 35 hour workweek at all costs! Even if the billions come from the blood of Iraqis.
Personaly I think that “wrastling a baar” and fighting Hillary Clinton would kind of be redundant and killing two birds with one stone.
Mahatma, you resort to name calling, but you know, you can’t come to my house and look at my ass, can you? So what do I care?
You haven’t explained how increasing the deficit helps the economy. I see a negative effect from deficits, including potentially on interest rates.
Tax breaks which are not paid for are bullshit. Anyone can bankrupt the government to buy a couple of votes.
We used to care about deficits, when it was a Democrat who was in office — recall the balanced budget amendment.
Republicans seemingly lack integrity. When it’s a Democrat running, draft avoidance is a huge deal. Now it’s no biggie. When it’s a Democrat in office, lying to the American people is a huge deal — now it’s no problem, even though now lives hang in the balance. You’ve no regard for human life. Politics of personal destruction, over sex, and war is no big deal, as long as you don’t have to go yourselves.
Traitors!
I have friends who voted for Schwartzenegger due to tax/insurance issues. They would never in a million years vote for Bush though, because they can see through his bullshit tax games.
Bush didn’t lower taxes — read what I wrote (can you read?) Bush borrowed against future debt repayment, in order to buy a few votes. This is irresponsible, and doesn’t really save anyone any dough, in fact it costs us more in the long run.
If you are leaving the country in the next couple of years, I’ll stand corrected. Otherwise, one way or another, you’ll be paying off that debt, like the rest of us. We’re going to have to service that debt, it isn’t just magically going to go away — or don’t you understand how debt works?
Since you ask, I make decent money as a wage earner, somewhere north of $69,999. Add bonuses and extra income to that, plus perks from the job like gym fees and Internet access. I got no complaints. I’m still pretty young.
I’ve got nothing against making money. It’s pretty obvious that Democrats do better with the economy. There’s more to life than money though. If you are pro-life or whatever, by all means vote for Bush.
Wish I could say I’d be reading your response, but I’m probably out of here. No offense — but I don’t like the name-calling. I’m expecting it to rain down, so why should I stick around? I gotta crash. Yes, I don’t work 9-5 — now you can all pretend I’m lying about the fact that I have a job. Whatever. Go to town — enjoy yourselves.
engineer — that’s funny! You believe in a 40 hour workweek? Is that so different?
Back in the day, in industrializing England, you could expect to work 80 hours a week. Kids had to work. We would be considered socialists by capitalists of that era.
Do you realize what that means — you are a socialist! You f***ing traitor! You godless communist! How dare you defend the 40 hour workweek, when we all could be working 80!
Hey, about those countries we liberated, I’ll agree to Afghanistan. Iraq is a mess, homer.
God bless the USA, and may He cast down the godless sinner socialists — like you.
I gotta go fellas — you all are a riot, honestly. Love ya. Take care. Smooches.
“it’s pretty obvious that Democrats do better with the economy.”
wow – wow – jimmah cartah? we were sinking into a recession thanks to clinton’s wild tax increases in 00 and bush’s tax cuts have pulled us out? hello?
the french were looking to help us out? they were worried for us? they wanted stability in the ME?
wow.
That part about wrestling a bear might actually just work …
tax squeezed: There may be something in what you say- but I’ll be damned if I can find it.
Let’s just raise taxes to 100% of income. By the way, what do you think will happen to tax collections at that point?
If George Bush expects to buy my vote by providing a robust economy with low interest rates AND attempt to straighten out the Middle East at the same time, consider my vote sold.
Lord Worfin
(fka Phil Winsor)
In a battle between Kerry vs the Clintons, Where does Ted Kennedy sit?
Uhm, you forgot to replace the cuss words with “ronnin”
Recession due to Clinton tax increases? It was a normal part of the cycle and we’d pushed way too high. Still there was a lot of wealth building.
Recessions ordinarily end quicker than this one. On this Bush can’t be particularly faulted. Though tax cuts to the wealthy don’t usually push out recessions there were a lot of tax cuts to the middle. Dramatic increases in federal spending, low interest rates, the whole Keynesian menu, but it’s still been slow going.
Anyway federal taxes are currently 16% of GDP. This is the lowest in 50 years and 50 years ago there was a much smaller burden for SS and no medicare. The deficit is about 4% of the economy with total spending about 4% less than Reagon. Roughly half the deficit comes from the slowed economy so plans to cut it in half are realistic. About 40% is tax cuts though on one hand this will increase, as someone pointed out the minimum alternative tax is set to overwhelm the middle class and planned reforms will be trivial. Roughly a quarter trillion a year, 2 percent of the economy is lost in escalated tax dodging. This could probably be cut in half with increased auditing.
The current deficits are of great concern, especially because of the huge role in rapidly inflating medicine the government holds. The Medicare drug plan was madness. Medicaid is the largest social welfare program at 120 billion (about 1% of GDP) dollars, in fact in itself it dwarfs the total of all other programs for the poor. Fopr those who would like to cut it over 2/3rds goes to the elderly and disabled. One doesn’t really want to push a million old people onto the street or even let a million more mentally ill run about without medication. One could of course cut off the 30 billion (mostly children) who are fairly healthy, but much of the savings would be eaten up in increased emergency room visits and other things that directly or indirectly go on the tax payers tab.
This situation of course undermines the rights favoritee claim that the undeserving poor are eating away the budget. The bulk of it all is programs that some large subset of ordinary people want. And even attempts to get rid of a hundred billion in “corporate welfare” will result in anguished screams.
It is frustrating that rhetoric outweighs numbers.
Lord worfin, no one is proposing raising taxes to 100% of income. That would be a mistake, you are right in that — nice analysis. M’lord.
Yeah, sorry about the cusswords, all.
I don’t really think the Bush tax cut has done much for the economy, but it’s true that middle class tax cuts help. Those are the tax cuts Kerry wants to keep.
Spending helps too, and Bush is good at that. He’s had 3+ years and we are still in the hole on jobs though.
If Clinton was so terrible, why did it take 9 years to show up? They called his recovery the “Reagan recovery,” and they called Bush’s recession the “Clinton recession.”
Let me get this straight — Reagan’s recovery was delayed by several years. So, wouldn’t Carter’s economic troubles really rest at the feet of Nixon, then?
If the economy is doing better now, isn’t this then the “Clinton recovery?” I’m just trying to follow your logic, here.
If Reagan’s recovery came about in 1994, then, with a six year time lag… that would mean that the current upswing in the economy is due to whatever Clinton did in 1998!
So, we’ll know how Bush is doing in another 3 years!
And this from the party that claims to be so good on economic issues…
In other news today we have found some info on John Kerry….
-so tell me a little bit about vietnam
kerry-i served in vietnam
reporter-i would have never guessed
kerry-no really i did
reporter-so tell me about your service
kerry-i ate small children, 3 a day
reporter-baby killer
kerry-hey now only right wingers can be called that
reporter-so these are the war atrocities we were referred to?
kerry-i never committed any war atrocities
reporter-then what is eating small children
kerry-survival
reporter-umm send this guy to france
kerry- now you know why i protested vietnam i was brainwashed by the evilness of war…it’s evil i tell ya, by the way i served in vietnam
liberals
how do i piss you off so easily…well here’s how
1) comment on a liberals livejournal claiming to be right wing and watch them get mad-then after they respond with political nonsense tell them to “come on get glad not mad”
2) propose a national chop down a tree day and sell the chips on e-bay claiming to be “oxygen intolerant”
3)wear a shirt that says “winning through superior fire power” and put a peace sign on the back–good creation frank (this was for my livejournal)
4) tell them you voted for Bush once in ohio and once in florida just piss Gore off
5) exclaim outloud that Ronald Reagan is a saint
6) call jimmy carter a socialist while driving an SUV with a big Bush/Cheney ’04 sticker on the back
7) interview a newsreporter and exclaim that “the oil in iraq was for the global good of economies”
8) taunt a gay couple stating “muh haha you can’t get married you can’t get married”
9)in the same interview with the news reporter ask him/her if they eat at KFC and tell them that vegetarianism is for losers
10)top way-wear a shirt with a maple leaf on it that says legalize maplejuana
muh hahahahahahahaha go liberals
Wrestle a bear? A friggin’ bear? Damn you, Frank, that was going to be my Presidential campaign gimmick! Dammit! Now I’ll have to wrestle something else! Who wants to vote for a guy that wrestled a stupid alligator or a mointain lion or something? Everyone will say, “Yeah, that’s kinda cool… but I hear Kerry wrestled a bear!” And the crowd will go, “Oooohhh,” and I can just kiss my whole campaign good-bye! Dammit!
“WRESTLE A BEAR”
And other excellent advice for John Kerry via IMAO. Even if the advice is not followed, it still has the virtue of being hysterically funny….
Some anonymous poster said:
“It’s always the same with the Republicans, it’s always about making the rich richer.”
Well, duh!
Who wants to be poor? (Besides this poor schlub?)
Sheesh.
Me again.
Hey, CavalierX–
“Wrestle a bear? A friggin’ bear? Damn you, Frank, that was going to be my Presidential campaign gimmick! Dammit! Now I’ll have to wrestle something else!”
No, no, not wrestle…
Tagline to an Eskimo joke (and just how many are there, anyway? Jokes, not taglines):
“Now, where’s that Eskimo woman I’m supposed to kill with my bare hands?”
I’m just saying.
Kerry’s House of Ketchup #10
Kerry speaks. Sen. Kerry’s bad luck continues. He tried to critique President Bush’s education policies only to be upstaged…
Please, please, please–
John Kerry, develop a sense of humor. Bush’s ludicrous attacks should be shrugged off,i.e. throwing away Viet Nam medals and/or ribbons, SUV, etc., etc. These are not the issues that count. One of the most important issues is a definitive plan in dealing with the hideous mess in Iraq and a substantive plan of withdrawal. Bush has shown he hasn’t a clue as to what he is doing, which is truly frightening. The American public needs to hear your ideas on this matter.
I liked that you said the problems with our standing in the world now is due to the arrogance of the Bush administration. Please say that louder with more specifics. People don’t see him as arrogant but guided by a higher power. They need to hear more of the specifics laid out before them. There are hundreds. If he keeps trying to claim the moral highground start asking if it’s the Christian thing to do to teach our young men and women not only that we rule the world simply because of our might and therefore we can do whatever we want. But we can suspend all promises, treaties, and The Constitution if only we can get enough people to feel enough fear and vengeance. Learning the art of torture is not something for which I would want to send my sons into harms way.
The closing of a speech :
THE WHITEHOUSE HAS BEEN ON LOAN
FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS………AND
AS ITS’ RIGHTFUL TENANTS, WE’RE
TAKING IT BACK !!! (REPOSSESSING?)
F*** you frank. Kerry will hammer the twin anvils of bad intelligence on WMD and the fact that, once again the great white hope U.S.of A. is getting it’s ass stomped in little villages and middle eastern ghettos by guys with swiss army knives and home made dynamite. You can’t win.
After pointing out all the mistakes Bush has made, why not conclude, “He can run, but he cannot hide?”
Why doesn’t John Kerry ask the following 2 questions:
On the question of guestion of guts and fortitude to lead: “who placed themselves in Harms Way during the Viet Nam war and who was it that picked the safeway and used a lot of his time trying to elect a Republican candidate during this same period.
On the question of stem cell research:
Would the opponents of stem cell research forbid the use of any cure found through such research on themselves or their family.