Hello IMAO Readers,
Here’s the final part of ask Teresa. I think that answers most of your questions. See, this has been very educational for all of us. And soap sales have increased 12% since starting this topic. Thanks for all of your contributions.
Dear Teresa – Part III
**
Dear Teresa,
If your husband uses Botox on his face, where did you get injected with Botox?
Posted by 007 at October 15, 2004 02:02 PM
Dear 007,
Where did I get injected with Botox?
Beverly Hills.
THK
**
Dear TAH-RAY-ZAH,
How many licks does it take to get to the center of an orange Kerry creamsicle?
Posted by johnny at October 15, 2004 02:04 PM
Dear Johnny,
I don’t know. How many licks does it take? Let me find out.
A one. A two. A three. Three!!
I’m still hungry. Hey, is your name Johnny too?
THK
**
Paralysis.
Arthritis.
My respect for Democrats in general.
Is there anything Kerry/Edwards can’t cure?
Posted by right at October 15, 2004 02:18 PM
Dear Right,
Is there anything Kerry/Edwards can’t cure?
Wrinkles.
But that’s why they make Botox.
THK
**
Dear Terr-ray-zuh:
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
Posted by sefton at October 15, 2004 02:19 PM
Dear Sefton:
What is it with you conservatives? Good or Bad? Black or White? Fighting for the us or against?
I believe in nuance.
Frankly, I’m offended by your question.
Witch indeed.
THK
**
Dear Teresa,
I am an eight year old living in Florida. My parents have done what you said and no longer clothe me. I was just wondering when it will be safe again for me to wear shorts. Frankly, I’m tired of kids at school laughing and pointing at me, and I kinda’ miss my Spiderman Under-roos. Thanks.
Posted by Chad at October 15, 2004 01:21 PMDear Teresa,
Dear Chad,
Poor Dear! No underwear. Nothing to keep you protected from the warm roasting sun?
Come here and rest. Soak yourself in this bathtub full of gin. Relax darling. You deserve it.
THK
**
How much play time should children have each day?
Posted by lyana at October 15, 2004 02:18 PM
Hello Ivana,
I find that 30 minutes a day is just about right. Any more than that and the meat just comes out too tough.
Also, try marinating them in Gin for 1 week.
That always helps with flavor.
THK
**
Dear Theresa,
As a poor grad student, I do not have the financial resources to afford both gin AND white raisins. Is there any way that you could give me yours?
Posted by Rob at October 15, 2004 01:34 PM
Dear Rob,
So what? You don’t have resources. Get your priories straight. So you may have to go naked for a while.
Gin and raisins are worth it.
P.S. Look around. I think you might find a pair of Spiderman Underoos somewhere around here.
THK
**
Dear Teresa,
What should I use to get the foie gras (made from rightwing duck livers, of course) stains out of my Belgian table linens?
Posted by jonag at October 15, 2004 02:20 PM
Dear Jonag,
That is the most repulsive thing I’ve ever heard. Really? Belgian Table linens.
I need a good drink. Ooh. Raisins.
THK
**
Dear Dr. Teereeza,
I am concerned about my face. It has kept growing since I was a little boy. Some people make fun of me calling me canoe face, lurch and herman munster. This is hurting my self esteem and a lot of people in the right wing media are making fun of me. Do all billionaire widows find men with a shovel chin attractive? Does it interfear with you ability to flip flop? Please help JFK
Posted by jeff at October 15, 2004 02:25 PM
Dear Jeff,
Don’t’ think of your face as long. Think of it as a saddle. Personally, I feel it interferes with the ability to flip flop — but who wants to climb off anyway?
P.S. Call me (wink)
P.P.S. Is your face your only horse-like characteristic?
THK
**
Dear Teresa,
I have a long haired terrier mix. After I give him a bath I have to use a soft steel brush to get the tangles out. Would you like to borrow my brush?
Posted by truth peddler at October 15, 2004 03:45 PM
Dear Truth Peddler,
Thank you. Aren’t you a sweetheart. You know, I believe that John does indeed need a new toothbrush.
Thank you.
THK
**
Okay guys. That’s it for now. I noticed that nobody is chiming in with ‘First’ anymore. Darn, I could have used that again.
Sincerely,
RightWingDuck.
Remember to drop by my site each day. I post a comedy monologue each day that’s sometimes even funny!!
FIRST!
there, are you happy? I chimed in for you… WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME! I’VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING I CAN!!!
Thank you. Dustin.
I appreciate your hard work.
PS. You’re not paying enough taxes.
THK
aka RWD
Great job, RWD! Here’s a question for you.. Do you think it’s rude to read a blog and not comment on its funniness? I always feel silly just commenting with “hilarious” or “thats so funny!!” especially since no one answers anyway..
CCinCali.
Any comment – no matter how short or long is wonderful.
Even posting “LOL” is encouraging.
There are a lot of people who never post comments. That’s okay, too.
However, if you laughed or had milk come out your nose (even if you weren’t drinking any) then a comment is encouraged.
As far as not responding, from time to time I do respond to my readers.
Keep commenting and bloggers will keep blogging.
Very funny, though the response for JFK posted by Jeff almost made me lose my dinner. Seriously, I’m feeling queezy…how do I turn the pictures off in my head…AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!running out of the room
“Think of it as a saddle.”
HACK!! BARF!! MAKE THE EVIL GO AWAY!!
LAST! I was last on the questions to and you didn’t answer my question(s).
I will never read you again RWD… oooh, you have a new post, I guess I’ll check it out.
“I find that 30 minutes a day is just about right. Any more than that and the meat just comes out too tough.
Also, try marinating them in Gin for 1 week.
That always helps with flavor.”
What, no catsup?
these are funny but too much…probably best that it is the last.
matt