It’s Sunday, so it’s time for Bible study. In the Catholic Bible, there are some books that the other Christian Bibles don’t include, so I thought it would be educational for all to quote some from one of them. Let’s read The Book of Tobit together and meditate on it.
1 This book tells the story of Tobit, son of Tobiel, son of Hannaniel, son of Aduel, son of Gabael of the family Asiel, of the tribe Naphtali, 2 who during the reign of Shalmaneser, king of Assyria, was a devoted servant to the Lord.
3 One day the Lord called unto Tobit, “Young Tobit, I call thee.” 4 And Tobit did say, “Yes, Lord, I am here and always your willing servant. Though times may be hard, I shall always…”
5 “Yeah, yeah,” interrupted the Lord, “That is all well and good, but don’t touch My stuff.” 6 And Tobit did reply, “I am sorry, Lord, but Your words are a mystery to me.” 7 Then the Lord did sayeth, “My stuff, in that box over there labeled ‘God’s Stuff”… Don’t touch it! Capisce?”
8 Tobit did say, “The Lord does not have to worry about the devotion of Tobit. I will never think of touching Your… uh… stuff.” 9 “Don’t give me that!” commandeth the Lord, “I saw you looking at My stuff!” 10 “I’m sorry, Lord,” Tobit said, his eyes towards the ground, “I am but mortal and cannot help but wonder what lies in the box that is grand that the Lord Himself would call it ‘God’s Stuff.'”
11 “That’s My business,” the Lord did reply, “Now stay out of it. I don’t want you or anyone else getting their grubby hands on My stuff.” 12 “Then it shall be the job of humble Tobit to see to it that no one touches the things of the Lord,” Tobit proclaimed, “From this day forward, none shall even come near…”
13 “Whatever,” the Lord did interrupt again, “Just don’t touch My stuff and we’re cool.” 14 Thus Tobit held back his curiosity and fought off all others such that God’s stuff would go unmolested.
FIRST!
first?
dammit!
First with a comment: Frank M. Python?
Catholics rule!
So that’s why you asked that question yesterday.
Guess what i’m actually first. so there….
And in 1st Opinions 3:2, there is this:
“My Spirit will not contend with Frank J. forever, for he is mortal and moronic. And he is getting WAYYY too sweet on that good Christian t-shirt model of his…”
Heh.
Steve Bragg
DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS
(p.s. the unadulterated version of this verse can be found in Genesis 6:3.)
Crazy Catholics. If Frank had been around during the Reformation, Luther’s 95 theses would have been Luther’s 95,294,249 * 10^bajillion theses.
Hmm….is that what I’ve been missing out on, not being Catholic?
Frank has finally lost it.
“Frank has finally lost it.”
You say that as if it’s a bad thing.
ah yes, the Apochyphal book of Tobit.
But, what about all that marryin stuff he was supposed to do to save the family and all? What’s up with that?
And why couldn’t dad see anything?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Well I’ll be damned.
if Tobit looked would he have been smiten? or would God have just roughed him up a little?
Uh, Frank, my parents are on vacation down in Florida right now. Could you NOT taunt God until, oh, next weekend? Please?
Funny, btw.
JP
Must be one of those weird Catholic things my good Catholic friend keeps telling me not to ask about. : )
Why don’t you teach the nonCatholics around here about Macabees? They’re interesting enough you don’t have to make up stuff. And they have all sorts of smiting.
Was Tobit the guy who first thought of combining a shave and a haircut into one package? Just wondering.
And the Macabees are really big bees? It was just a corruption of Megabees, wasn’t it.
Tom,
raised Catholic,
now Lutheran
(or as we like to call it in my house, “Catholic Lite”)
uh…Frank…watch out for the lightning bolt dude.
What? No Hobbits?
Did Tobit (not to be confused with Twobit, the first barber), ever have offspring who supposedly sleweth dragons and did the “marryin’ thing” with himself?
Jus’ wonderin’….
Uhh, riiight.
Okay, I think we now know why Florida has had 4 hurricanes in six and a half weeks.
Dude as a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ all I can say is you better believe in Him now or it’s not going to pretty pretty for you come judgement day.
Darn, I had to take a survey of the Old Testament and we did have a nice thrashing around discussion of the books of the Apocrypha but I can’t find anything about Tobit, I do have something about “Twobit the Punk” in my notes. I think Macabee is a contration of “Mac a be pissed off about the people they be tryin’ to mess with God’s stuff” I think Florida’s safe. God seldom smites the mentally aflicted unless they mess with his stuff.
Hey…wait a minute…THAT’S NOT FROM THE BIBLE!
It has been many, many years since I have read Tobit, Franky J. I don’t quite remeber the Lord telling Tobit to not look in “His box of stuff.”
Hmmm… I am gonna have to do some Bible reading now, thanks to you, Frank!
ah…I see. Well, if somone wanted to buy the Frank J paraphrase, there’s a sample. Man, all these years, and I’ve never seen this interesting story that my protestant leaders don’t like! what a guy, that Tobit.
For an encore you should do Luther’s Top Ten Theses.
SPF 5,000,000,000 sunscreen should help a bit.
God won’t smite Frank J…any good Protestant knows the Apocrypha was excluded because it’s not actually the inspired Word of God…at least that’s what I was led to believe. Check the end of Maccabees (2, I think…if there are 2 books…haven’t been Catholic for some time, don’t remember). The author writes something along the line of “This book is paraphrased from the work of someone else. If it is entertaining I have done my job”…I don’t think God would say that.
G-d won’t smite Frank J. for writing this or me for laughing at it. He has a sense of humor. After all, he created humans. If that isn’t cause for a major laughing fit, I don’t know what is.
Damnit, missed a capitalization. Sigh.
Didn’t God learn with Adam and Eve what happens when He tells people not to touch stuff? Man, not to touch God’s stuff. I thought Job had it ruff.
The 66 books that make up the complete canon of Scripture are inspired by God. The Apocryphal books are not inspired.
I have been posting on Romans, and Luther’s introduction to Romans. I started this on the first. Come by and check it out.
I am using the English Standard Version.
God bless all you little freaks.
-Jeshuafreak
Yet with all his diligent research into the secret, suppressed books of Bible, he still hasn’t been able to find that one where God said, “Thou shalt not ever say anything to make anybody feel bad just because they have sex with people of their own sex. Oh yeah, and all that stuff about loving your neighbor? Just vote Democrat and pay high taxes and you’re covered. And anybody who drives an SUV is going to Hell.”
Studying the book of Tobit, are you Frank?
So I have to ask, are you putting a spin on some “required reading?”
When I was courtin’ DixieDarlin’, Tobit was “required reading” in our marriage preparation, and the adopted patron saint of our marriage so happens to be St. Raphael.
Of course, this particular Bible story just happens to be about (among other things) the marriage of Tobiah and, ahem… Sarah. =D
~In my best impression of a FrankJ-Rod Serling impression~ “Coincidence? I think not.” 😉
“Then the Lord did sayeth, “My stuff, in that box over there labeled ‘God’s Stuff”… Don’t touch it! Capisce?” -So you think the Lord might be Tony Soprano?
Oops, that was me. Forgot to plug my data in.
Given that Tobit is about marrying his son to Sarah, is Frank really saying that all men should keep their mitts off SarahK? After all seven guys tried to marry Sarah, and the evil demon Asmodeus killed them all! Man, Frank must really like SarahK, to rewrite Holy Scripture and threathen us all with demons like that.
Isn’t that sweet?
Yours,
Wince
Well despite the fact that I’m protestant I’ve always thought it would be a good idea to leave all those extra books in because they gave good background information to the era Christ came into. The influence of the Greek philosophers on Jewish religious thinking in the 400 year period prior to the birth of Christ is quite interesting. Unless you have a life I suppose. Hmmmm, I better go take my pill now.