I’m Happy, and You All Benefit

So, I have my own ideas for a gloat In My World™ and comic, but what would you guys like? What liberals would you like gloated against the most?
(the gloating to terrorists will be for another post)
Also, what would be the best song for the happy dance?

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  1. Hmm…hard to choose between Michael Moore and George Soros. As much as I lean toward Moore, Soros is the only one of the two who has lost money in this gambit.
    But then, maybe that’s reason to push for a good gloat over Moore. Soros is already being punished…?

  2. Man, where to start? How about Terry McAuliffe, Tad Devine, JF’nK & John Edwards, Te-ray-sah going ballistic, Mrs. Edwards eating Tom Daschle, Pat Leahy (you know what I’m talking about!), Bill & Hillary voting for Bush, Richard Holbrooke, Bob Kerrey, Ben Affleck, and the Kerry daughters getting beaten down by the Bush twins. Then have Rumsfeld be extremely happy, have Condi make out with Scott McClellan, Ari Fleischer cameo, and Barney’s take on the results.

  3. You must make it a precision gloat. Michael Moore, OBL, George Soros, all of MoveOn.org, ACT, CBS, Dan Rather, NY Times – people who used their position and money to try and influence an election. Those are the people that are truly gloat-worthy.

  4. Ari comes back to beat on Daschle, and Jim Thune joins in the weaselbeating. Kerry gets beat by his wife. George Soros has a run-in with chomps, and Barney mauls Edwards (maybe the only person Barney could maul)

  5. Song? Hmmm… though it’s not really much of a dancing song, the most appropo title would have to be “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”
    Although, it would be funny to see you dance to the theme from Smurfs. “La, la, lala la la; la lala la la…”

  6. I would also like to see John Edwards come down with a mysterious malady that requires extensive surgery and an extended hospital stay. I “hope” he doesn’t fall into the care of a vindictive physician or two…….

  7. 1) George Soros and MoveOn deserve the derision most. We should be graceful winners and let Kerry, Edwards, and the Dems in general off the hook.
    But no mercy for the decietful, fear-mongering, vitriol-spitting hacks of MoveOn. They’re first up against the wall.
    2) shaggydave, I like the word “weaselbeating” … even though it sounds vaguely autoerotic.
    3) The song must be Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. I’m laughing just thinking about it.
    S

  8. George Soros, Michael Moore, Linda Ronstadt, Bruce Springsteen, the Babs, Matt Damon (hubba, sorry), George Clooney, Alec Baldwin, The Dixie Chicks(!), Jacque Chirac, Gerhart Shroeder, Osama Bin Laden, et al.!

  9. For the song, how about “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith or “Independence Day” by Martina McBride.
    Keep in mind, I rarely listen to country music, but those two songs jump out at me.

  10. I could care less who you gloat to, as there are soooooo many to choose from (it’s what we in the Air Force refer to as a “target rich environment”) But for the song, I say: “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!” Bobby McFarrin…. That song Rocks!!!

  11. For a zany IMAO reversal, Kerry should be temporarily placed into the presidency – with Bush’s same cabinet. Rumsfeld can beat him til he cries like a little girl!
    Best song for a happy dance? Icelandic pop techno version of ‘I’m a little teapot’.

  12. Daschle, of course! Mr. Whinybutt got slapped down.
    Soros and the MoveOn freaks seem to be the general consensus as well.
    Michael Moore is almost too easy a target.
    And of course, the wide swath of Democratic pundits, too numerous to mention, that spoke as if Kerry were already in the White House.
    Dang! Like Tremor said above, this is a “target rich environment” and I just can’t nail it down to just one!!!
    Just hit ’em all, Frank.

  13. Of course, Michael Moore! And Jimmy Carter! And Al Gore! “He betrayed this country!” BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA And Dan Rather! Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please Dan Rather! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! And Puff Daschle! And John Edwards! And Teresa “Shove it, Scumbag” Heinz-Kerry! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

  14. Daschle needs a shaming….I love shaggydave’s suggestion, ‘Barney mauls Edwards’….we definately need to see more Barney. He could bring out even Chomps’ soft side! And my favorite villian of this whole thing…..Te-ray-sah!!

  15. John Edwards gets a sex change and womb transplant, gets pregnant by Kerry, and then finds himself unable to find an OBGYN to deliver his high-risk pregnancy because skyrocketing malpractice insurance has driven them all out of business.
    Well I can dream, can’t I???

  16. Ok….not to tell you how to do your job…BUT…
    how about Kerry, Carvelle, McAwful, Moore, Raines, Soros, and Blather are waiting in the bowels of hell. Satan calls them in, they grovel and whine. Satan gives them one more chance but only if they go even more over the bend (after making them do some really degrading stuff). They grovel and leave…then, after the door closes, Satan pulls off his mask to reveal the face of….Rover.

  17. Frank, I would like to see a basic Hollywood gloat – something with the likes of Alec Baldwin, Barbara Striesand, ASSton Kutcher and Howard Stern…PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. No doubt about it! You need to bitch slap Daschle around. That Asshole has had it coming for way too long. I guess he wasn’t able to distribute enough crack to the dead injuns on the reservations.
    For the song, how about We are the champions by Queen.

  19. Happy dance music:
    SAFETY DANCE by Men Without Hats. As in, WE ARE SAFE FROM TERRORISTS FOR FOUR MORE YEARS! NOW WE DANCE!
    For the Gloat:
    You must incorporate a gloating HILLARY CLINTON, who has succesfully paved the way for her metoric rise to to the top of the party (with her new bitch lackey Barack Obama) for 2008. Some eerie foreshadowing of a coming uber-battle between good and evil, with her cackling voice, a puff of smoke, and some thunder and lightning. Where you go with that is all up to you, but please think of a way to stick it in.
    JOLLY GOOD!

  20. Sadly there’s just not enough IMW to bitchslap everyone who needs it. I’ll trust you’re judgement, but let’s have at least one of them be mysteriously strangled without a decent clue left behind as to the perpatrator. Other than say, a signed deposition.

  21. Songs?
    How about Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” or Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”, or any song by an artist that supported Kerry, for gloating purposes.
    Of course, the Team America theme, as suggested earlier, is an excellent choice too.

  22. It’s a tough choice, but I’m inclined to disqualify any of the celebs in “Team America” because that movie did a fine job of pre-gloating them already. Plus, a gloating won’t work against that bloated huckster Moore, given how much profit he made and stands to make on America-/Israel-hating. Also, there’s no point in gloating against all those recently-retired Senators; they’re washed up.
    I’d say Soros is the most worthy candidate for ridicule. He’s battered but not beaten. He needs to be kicked while he’s down. And give him a kick for me too, and all the other Brits (and Asians and Latinos) he bankrupted over the 1990s.

    1. Besides the obvious victims (Waffles/Breck Girl, Daschle), maybe Mary Beth Cahill. She’s the one that, after the Ohio Secretary of State appeared in person to announce that only 175,000 votes maximum remained to be counted, said that over 250,000 votes had not been counted and that they were all for Kerry. Maybe this is too unknown to parody, but that’s up to you, o great Frank. Carville and Lockhart are always good ones, as well as all of the networks and papers who wouldn’t declare Ohio for the President even this morning when it was joyfully inevitable.
    2. Beautiful Day by U2 is fine (usafirstlady already suggested this). Or if you want something that is obscure, yet at the same time has perfect lyrics for the situation and, incidentally, rocks, try One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces by the Ben Folds Five.
  23. Be careful using songs written and performed by known leftists, Frank they will probably sue you.
    You should be Doin’ the Happy Dance to a song from relatively conservative musicians. Here are some suggestions without having to resort to square dancing to country music:
    Pat DiNizio, the leader of The Smithereens, is a conservative and he’s written great rock songs like “A Girl Like You,” “Blues Before and After,” “Top of the Pops” and the classic “Blood and Roses.”
    The late-great-Johnny Ramone of punk pioneers The Ramones horrified the lefty burnouts at the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame awards ceremony in 2002 when he said “God Bless President Bush and God Bless America.” IMAO readers would love seeing you slam dance to punk classicks like “Glad to See You Go,” “I Wanna Be Sedated,” or “Blitzkrieg Bop.”
    You haven’t heard of Vince Furnier, you know him as his alter ego, the inventor of shock rock, Alice Cooper. Throw down to tunes like “Under My Wheels,” “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” or the incredibly appropriate (and catchy) “Elected.”

  24. I say gloat against Michael Moore for wasting all that money to make “Farenheit 911” which he thought would make Bush lose reelection. Gloat against the Dems for raising money from the poor who supported them, then losing so they cannot help the poor like they promised. Gloat against foreigners who thought they should be able to vote in our election since our policy affects them – perhaps Rumsfeld/Chomps could overun France and Germany and make them our minions, so then their people would be US citizens and could vote (of course they’d only get provisional electors in the College). Maybe also gloat about how real estate will be cheap to buy up now that all the DU is moving to Canada. Go 4 more years!

  25. one last practical joke on DASCHEL, a real real real good one.
    him and all the celebs that spoke out, particulary moore, and maybe baldwin being shipped out by a large man.
    or the vote for change tour…. i dont no your the writer, come up with something good

  26. I’m thinking the band Green Day needs to have their petards hoisted for their craven BDS act.
    Scene 1 MIDDLE OF A DESERT. THE MEMBERS OF GREEN DAY ARE DRIVING IN THEIR BAND’S TOUR BUS:
    Billy: “Crap, we’re lost.”
    GUY ON CAMEL PASSES BY.
    Other Green Day member: “Oh, shit! We’re really lost!”
    Other, other Green Day member:”Let’s just ask those kind fellows coming at us with AK-47’s.”
    All: “Crap!”
    BILLY HASTILY PULLS OUT CELL PHONE.
    Billy:”Micheal, Micheal, we f()cking surrounded by insurgents. They seem to be surging or something.”
    Micheal Moore:”Don’t worry, guys. Those are just resistance fighters.”
    [BLAM-ITY, BLAM-ITY, BLAM-BLAM. Click.]
    Micheal: “Guys? Guys? Healow? Healow?”

  27. adamthemadman: agreed. Im normally a big Green Day fan and I even bought their latest album despite the fact that I had already heard American Idiot and knew the CD would be Bush-bashing. It was painful to listen to the lyrics, realizing these guys were making a buck for singing against the administration and not by singing for the sake of entertainment.

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