Sorry for the light posting. I’ve been extremely busy the last few days. Early Thursday, I hit the beach to work on my tan. I didn’t want to look lily white when I got off the plane in Idaho to spend Christmas with my family. I don’t mean to be immodest, but I think you could bounce a quarter off that rear-end.
Later Thursday my friend Bryce and I went to a cattle call audition for the part of Baby New Year 2005 in Disney World’s big New Year’s Eve celebration. I hadn’t noticed on the call sheet that they were only looking for boys between the ages of 3 and 5, so it was mostly a wasted trip. But we did get to show off our costumes at a friend’s boardwalk caberet–the Sex on the Beach was great.
I flew up north Thursday afternoon–luckily Air Idaho has service out of Orlando with short stops in Birmingham and Tupelo.
My Pops was waiting for me at the Boise International Airport. He happened to be in town to pick up some transistors, wire and blasting caps. I guess he’s what you would call a professional hobbyist. He has sent out plenty of working models of his designs, but so far there has been little interest. He’s working on a novel–I can’t wait to read it.
My pops and I drove for about 4 hours from Boise until we got to my home town, Hayden Lake, Idaho. There is a main-trunk highway between the cities, but we prefer to stick to the back roads.
My parents live in a cabin about 5 miles NE of Hayden Lake. I think technically the cabin is built on national forest land, but we haven’t had any trouble with park rangers since one of them went missing in the mountains behind our house.
By late Thursday night, the whole clan had made it to the cabin. Here is the latest family pic. Back row from left to right are my brother Skip, my dad Ted, my mom Droopie and me. Front row from left to right are my sister Mary Ann, my grandpa Frank Sr., my grandma Frau Helga, and inserted is a picture of my sister Katie Joe, who is serving a 2-5 year sentence for check forgery at the Idaho Institute for the Criminally Insane.
I’ve been having a great time since getting home. This morning I puttered around my Dad’s shop, and made a few local deliveries for him.
In the afternoon we did some arts and crafts, and got out the printing press to run off some more custom currency. Most people don’t know that the global economy is on the brink of collapse due to tinkering in the world markets by the Trilateral Commission, the Freemasons, the Knights Templar and the Mossad. Unlike the American dollar, my currency is secured by a large stockpile of gold and silver bars buried in my back yard. My currency can be used in the IMAO store and any store of an Alliance member. Just print off a couple sheets and send it in with your order. We haven’t produced any coinage yet, so please round up.
I spent Friday afternoon in our radio shack. I’m trying to intercept high band radio beams being bounced off Syncom 3, the first stationary earth satellite launched in 1964 to telecast the 1964 Olympic Games from Tokyo. NASA will tell you that Syncom 3 burned up in the atmosphere 1977, but I have information that it is still in orbit and operational. A CIA black ops division has been using it to broadcast mind control beams
When Friday night rolled in, it was time to start the Christmas Eve festivities! While Mary Ann decorated the tree, the men got out our old barbershop quartet uniforms. We were regularly doing gigs before I went off to college, but we could never secure a recording contract. We’re looking to go back out on the road, and need a new name–any suggestions? Anyway, Merry Christmas and all, and I’ll return to normal posting on Monday.
Wow…I’m speechless.
hook me up with your sister frank.
I’d a ho. I had to let ‘er go…
“ClueLess White Boys”? Oh no I’ve got it how about in keeping with the spirit of Christmas. ” The We Three Kings Quartet” No?! Okay how about “New Vestament Singers” Sorry but can’t get over the Blue Vests surrounding the Red Vest theme. I mean Jeeze can’t you let us forget the election for one day?
eep! the imposter is back! there’s no “.” after Frank J!
Eeep-yee-gads! And holy jumping magic beans! The IMAO coup d’état has started with a cyborg ninja monkey impersonating Frank! All Frank J. partisans must band together and fight to put an end to this uprising!
Eeep-yee-gads! And holy jumping magic beans! The IMAO coup d’état has started with a cyborg ninja monkey impersonating Frank! All Frank J. partisans must band together and fight to put an end to this uprising!
Damn double post, but that wasn’t my fault this time, it said ‘server error’ the first time.
Man. Who woulda thunk that they’d let a Catholic family live in white Protestant only town.
Hi I am drunk!, that first picture scares me (passes out).
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!
So, Frnak, are you really in Hayden Lake? ‘Cause I’m over in Spokane (does not rhyme with Kokanee)(although that would be cool).
Naw, you sound like one of them there SRV fellers.
UZI4U…it’s just the crappy server that Frank J. is on, i get error messages too, but i’ve learned to check first before posting again.
and please, please don’t speak French again! (burns eyes)!
thanks, and merry Christmas to all!
That first photo…just no words. I had to turn away (gigglin’ but still). hehe
certain liberties were taken with the facts in the process of producing this post–Frank J. is not Protestant–other than that, it’s all true . . . especially the beach photos . . .
That old guy looks an awful lot like this old guy that comes into my shop in Marquette, in Michigan’s UP which I would imagine is quite like Idaho…
Coincidence?
Nothing like being able to laugh at yourself. Or other people, as the case may be. Merry Christmas, anyway.
Re: Beach photo.
OMG Thank you Frank ;oO That was the best Christmas present EVER!
Merry Christmas to you and yours. How much time does your sister have left on her stretch?
Hah! That “check forger” is really this meat-stealing Californian!
oh my…I laughed hysterically and then felt guilty…
I like the currency, Frank J. However, you should call them “Frank J.’s”. Franks is uncomfortably close to “francs”.
I wish I could be there to see Frank’s face when he checks his blog!! Yikes!! Somebody’s having his guest-posting duties revoked!
Hayden Lake? My wife’s grandpa lives on Hayden Lake (Lower Hayden Lake Road, I believe)! Beautiful area!
Even though I’m suffering through Christmas here in Hawaii–no snow!!!–I’m jealous of you up there in the panhandle of ID.
Merry Christmas!
Oww, my side hurts from laughing!!!
I was ok, sort of, until I got to the photo of Frank and his dad in front of the Air Idaho desk. His dad looked familier but I couldn’t place him for a second. Then, I remembered where I had seen that face (on the news) before, just as I noticed the “birth of a nation” Poster in the background. I totally lost it.
I guess we now know where Frank gets his tendency to nuke things from?
This is a classic, a true keeper.
Kudos to all involved.
Mary Ann is yummy.
I think I’m in love.
Think pops would mind a Sicilian in the family?
lol
(Hey I’m Catholic too. That’s gotta be worth something!)
:}
ROFLMAO! An instant classic!
Your quartet should be named The Det-Chords
or maybe The Improvised Muni-Tones.
bryan g. speaketh: hook me up with your sister frank.
I’m confused. Frank has a sister named frank? I suppose bryan g. is referring to Frank’s grandpa Frank Sr.? Now that is odd. I didn’t think that Frank was Appalachian.
Bryan can have your sister/grandpa frank. I’ll take that eye-candy sister Mary Ann, assuming of course that she is not also a great uncle.
Frank-J-ly Scarlett, my dear, I don’t give a damn!
After being in Idaho for Christmas… how can you stand going back to Florida…ever? maybe YOU and SarahK both should relocate?? 🙂
Dude… Frank…. I live in Hayden Lake. weird.
I’d call the barbershop quartet “The Monotones.”
If you like the name can I dance with Mary Ann? She sure is purty.
Love the tail design on the Air Idaho plane!
Ron
P.S. If you were in Hayden Lake in 4 hours, you were flying (not driving). In 4 hours you should have been around Craigmont (or Grangeville, with icy roads).
Re:The beach
Where’s a Tsunami when you really need one?
Just, dammmmmmmn.
It had to be the eggnog gone bad.
Frank…
You have a very “eccentric” family. I think I may have ordered some “How To” Books from your Dad.
Jack.
how about you name your group three men and a baby. The “trespassers buried in unmarked graves” sign is priceless. actually everything here is great. I had to hit the can I was laughing so hard.
Didn’t see it, have to say it, ” Frank, U-DA-Ho, I’m Da Pimp!”
Is it cool if I hit you up to asking your sister out for me? lmao
Merry Christmas!!
BearHunter
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo…
My eyes!!
Check out Yahoo!’s latest Michael Moore story:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/people_moore
The text isn’t all that interesting. Look at the two pics accompanying the story, though: a publicity shot of Moore, and a photo of a beached whale. . .
Looks like the whale popped up because the name of the oceanographer who released it happens to be Michael Moore. Who ever said that automated keyword-driven content bots don’t have a sense of humor?
Check out Yahoo!’s latest Michael Moore story:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/people_moore
The text isn’t all that interesting. Look at the two pics accompanying the story, though: a publicity shot of Moore, and a photo of a beached whale. . .
Looks like the whale popped up because the name of the oceanographer who released it happens to be Michael Moore. Who ever said that automated keyword-driven content bots don’t have a sense of humor?
AAARGH! Sorry about the doublepost!
good catch crusty crab–the grandpa being named Frank Sr. was supposed to imply incest–i didn’t think anyone would get that
–other interesting(?) facts:
the gay guys were originally wearing fig leaves and the sashes said “adam” and “steve”
the plane is a slightly modified Swiss Air plane–there is no idaho air–racist or not
the “U” on his dad’s polo shirt
the second plaque on the town sign is the aryan nation, and the fourth is the kkk–hayden lake is the home of the aryan nation–i think the people there are pretty fed up with the racist parades and notoriety–i have no idea where frank’s parents live in idaho, and he did not grow up in idaho (per sarahk anyway)
the cabin is actually the unabomber’s cabin–you may recall that the whole cabin was taken out of the woods as evidence
the family pics are mostly from smoking gun mugshots, and there are dozens of automatic weapons on the wall behind them (that’s pretty obvious)–i tried to use the mugshot of that aryan guy (very scary), but i couldn’t make him look human enough
“mary ann” is the mary ann on “the new gilligan’s island” on tbs–i think i was the only person to watch that show–tbs has a website with much better pics for you mary ann fans
the explosive devices–dynamite, gun powder, grenades, all around the shop–also, you can just barely see dad’s handcuffs on his wrist–and that room is really a workshop in antarctica
the “Three Franks” from the “State of Confusion” were originally colonial bills with benjamin franklin’s image on them
frank’s partially obscured t-shirt in the radio room is obscene, and is available for purchase on some website or another
the uniforms are from an actual barbershop quartet, and the tree in the background is supposed to be evocative of a KKK hood
Man, I’d so “do” Mary Anne…
Hey! If I had known you were driving from Boise to Hayden Lake I would have arranged a private Boomershoot (http://www.boomershoot.org) for you when you went through Moscow. A little fun with guns and explosives while visiting in Idaho is required you know.
-joe-
P.S. Try looking at a map of Idaho sometime. Coeur d’Alene airport is about 280 miles closer to Hayden Lake than the Boise airport. And we have pretty much purged all the white supremacists now, so we are starting to resent the lingering of that reputation.
Dang, Frank! Were you going to Above Top Secret a lot over the weekend or something? You seem to know all about the various conspiracies out to get us!
By the way, your sister Mary Ann is really hot…Is she still single?