What Is It with You People and Failure?

Posted by on

Well, you people failed me again. I don’t know whether to damn Scrappleface, James Tarantor, or you ronin. Maybe you don’t deserve humor from me or the happy dance (which, BTW, was the happiest happy dance ever put to film).
For those of you who want details of my weekend, SarahK – the real one – has them. She seems to like making me appear stupid, so I think I should start a collection of best SarahK phrases as a defense.
“The Dallas Cowboys had the best defense in the NHL last year.”
“I am not a Texan!” (say with your best imitation of a Texan accent for full effect)
For those who don’t care about my trip, I’ll see if I can up with some regular funny… if I decide you deserve it. So, anything political happen in the past couple days?
UPDATE: I noticed that I misspelled “Taranto”, but I like the new spelling. Thus I decree that he shall forever be known as Tarantor from this day forth.

40 Comments

  5. It was about humor?
    I thought I was voting for the funniest looking blogger of the year. While I am prefectly content with the notion that Scott Ott does look acceptably funny in a freakish sort of way, it never crossed my mind to vote for Frank. He isn’t funny looking at all.
    Iowahawk on the otherhand looks like a cross between Barney Fife and Chuckles the clown. Ho boy could you invent a funnier looking dweeb if you tried? Hahahahahahahohoho boy did he get hosed! First by his parents through the genepool – then by everybody who voted Scott Ott as the funniest looking blogger of the year. hahahahahha
    (wipes a tear) oh that kid was cursed

    Reply to this comment

  6. “Hello…Frank…this is Scott Ott, over at the ScrappleFace newsroom. I’m just calling to concede…I haven’t seen the final results yet, but I heard that you won big, and I just wanted to say that America has made the right choice, and I’m at peace with that. I’ll do a formal concession news conference once the final results are announced. No one deserves this more than you, Frank.”

    Reply to this comment

  8. I noticed that I misspelled “Taranto”, but I like the new spelling. Thus I decree that he shall forever be known as Tarantor from this day forth.
    “Foolish hu-mons! Bow before your new Overlord, Tarantor!!!”
    or
    “We’ve got to evacuate Tokyo! Tarantor is rising out of the sea!!!”
    You’re right, it does work! :oD

    Reply to this comment

  9. Well Franklin, I voted for ya, but maybe you’ve chased off voters by blaming them for your inadequacies. Maybe you chased off voters by failing to live up to your Happy Dance promises in a timely manner. I can tell you this: if there had been a Happy Dance video with a prominent link on the top of your page, you’d have won by a landslide. I don’t see Crappyface dancing happliy (but I don’t see you doing so either. Oh wait, Scrappleface IS happy dancing now!) So you have no one to blame but yourself and your involvement in Happydancegate.

    Reply to this comment

  10. I forgot this in my previous post. Sorry about that.
    o/Tarantor, Tarantor, Tarantor. o/
    o/Tarantor the space aged robot, o/
    o/He is at your command. o/
    o/Tarantor the space aged robot, o/
    o/His power is in your hand. o/
    o/Bigger than big, taller than tall, o/
    o/Quicker than quick, stronger than strong. o/
    o/Ready to fight for right, against wrong. o/
    o/Tarantor, Tarantor, Tarantor. o/

    Reply to this comment

  12. Well, Frank. What can I say? I voted for Scrappleface and I voted big. (Over 1000 votes by me) I knew who was going to win. And I’ll be Frank now (you be someone else for a sec), I wanted to be on the winner’s side. Not the loser’s. You may want to read this to find out what to do following defeat:
    http://www.imao.us/archives/002322.html
    As for who actually is funnier it’s you by a long shot. (Although the Scrappleface Concession comment is genius).
    If you had just hooked me up with sarahk’s Sizzle…
    Son of Risasi, ninja for hire

    Reply to this comment

  16. Since I assumed that the election was about personal appearances and how funny the various bloggers look, it is reasonable to assume (in my demented Al Gore like mind) that many of the others who voted for Scott Ott voted on the basis of his looking funny also.
    That would be just as wrong as those hanging Chads and the butterfly people in Dade county who voted Buchannon when we all know they meant to vote Gore.
    Scott Ott has your votes dude. Time to take them back and I have just the cracker jack legal team to send over to scrapple county. Dewey, Cheetum, and, Howe, Attorneys at Law specialists at telling vote stealers to shut the hell up and give our guy the award.
    (serves available for a token fee of course)

    Reply to this comment

  18. I voted more than I thought I would.
    I think I saw Mikey at the libary diggin’ on some ho who got back. Pissed him off good when I got him booted so’s I could vote one more time for some lame ass limey lover with a boot up his ass.
    I know you’d do the same for me, Frank.
    BTW, Mikey had a suggestion for your lunch :[]

    Reply to this comment

  20. Wow, Frank, blaming your fans and scrappleface for your loss. A REAL conservative would know that blame belongs with themselves and try to rememdy the problem, rather than blame everyone BUT yourself for problems or inadequacies.
    Whoop, gotta go. Something on the news with Jessie Jackson demanding some web vote recount for humor blogs.

    Reply to this comment

  21. It’s all those religious zealots in the red-state Jesusland. In fact, if you look at the [insert 2004 election map here], you will notice that everyone who voted for you is in the well-cultured, intelligent areas of America: such presitgious non-biased instituitions as Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Oxford, the Univeristy of Dehli, and of course, my personal favorite, the American School of Paris. This just proves the 33.5% who voted for Scrappleface are redneck morons.

    Reply to this comment

  23. What is with you people?
    Did we surrender to the Germans when they bombed Pearl Harbor?
    (the voices in my head are saying no)
    “””” NO!“”””
    “Oh, we’re afraid to go with you Tiger. We might get in trouble.”Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me. I’m not gonna take this! Tarantor, he’s a dead man! Scrappleyard, dead! Puppyblender, dead! (ya I know your involved in this somehow. You can’t fool me Reynolds.)
    Deep inside, in places you don’t like to talk about at garden parties, you know I’m right, psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight ’em with conventional weapons, that could take years, and cost millions of lives. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture, be done on somebody’s part.
    Let’s put our heads together and think….

    Reply to this comment

  25. YEEEAARRRRRRGHHHHH!
    head hurts… MUST… STOP… THINKING!
    Hey I got it. We could all go to a bar and get knock down pie eyed shit faced
    and drunk too!
    Oh wait… its Monday
    YEEEEAAAARRRRGGHHHH!
    head hurts…

    Reply to this comment

  31. Lame ? But its Xmas – I’m tieing the ends together here covering all the angles and your callin it lame?
    You Ebenezer you!
    You ACLU lawyer wannabee you!
    There is a whole world of flatulent comedy since Blazing Saddles, just waiting for you to rip one off. Expand your horizons. Live a little. When it comes to farts, there are no sacred cows.

    Reply to this comment

  32. We should call him The Tarantor, not just Tarantor. Adding a “the” makes him sound much more intimidating and cool.
    “Tarantor had thought of going by ‘The Tarantor’, but didn’t want to come off as pretentious!”

    Reply to this comment

  36. Morals? ok I can do that.
    All kidding aside , you see that entry up yonder claiming to be from Scott Ott of Scrappleface? The thing is it probably is Scott Ott of Scrappleface. Thats the way he is. He could give a fig for a wizbang award.
    Last year I spent two weeks lurking in his threads trying to incite him to acknowledge that there was a contest going on that he had a good shot at winning. He never did. Never put up a link. Never mentioned it in his banter.
    More then that , he even linked to Allahpundit, the eventual winner.
    I talked to Allah about Scott’s nonchalance, and Allah said “I might have won but Scott has the traffic. And that is the vote that really counts” Then he showed me an alexa traffic rating comparing Scrapple to Allahpundit.
    It wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out that Scrappleface, if there were a tangible item, like a Windy trophy connected with the Wizbang blog awards, That Scrapple really did send it over to Frank J. He’s that kind of guy.

    Reply to this comment

  39. Frank, haven’t you learned anything from the Loser Party during the last four years?
    YOUR job is to look wistful and say, “Well, we just didn’t get our message out, again.”
    OUR job is to ignore reality and say, “The voters were stupid! The votes weren’t counted! Scrappleface stole the election! There is a silent IMAO majority! It’s all about Diebold and Halliburton! I’m moving to Internet 2!”

    Reply to this comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.