There’s been a lot of talk about illegal immigration lately and after hearing the arguments, I have to say that the Democrats make sense on this one. This great country should be grateful to illegal aliens because after all, didn’t they build this country?
You might be wondering, “Well then who built Mexico – That place is a crap hole.” Yes, but Mexico was built by illegal aliens from Guatemala. Then Mexico got better about enforcing its borders and drove them out.
I’m grateful to illegal aliens because they help keep the cost of American products low. Because of them, we can pay Pedro $10.00 a day to work in a restaurant. If he wasn’t there, they’d have to raise the wages to find somebody willing to take on the job. So when I’m sitting in a restaurant that’s reflective of my great blogging stature, and they warn me that they may have to raise prices, I have to ask myself: “Am I willing to pay FOUR dollars for this Happy Meal?”
Maybe it’s one of the signs of the End Times, but I have to say I agree with Ted Kennedy.
Recently, Teddy claimed that it was unfair to have these illegal aliens treated as second class citizens. You might be wondering, “How can they be any kind of American citizen. They’re from another country!!!
That’s where you’d be wrong: citizenship doesn’t come from birthright or by arriving here legally, going through the process and reciting an oath – it comes from gainful employment.
Think of it as an employment perk. Every worker is entitled to free paperclips, rubber bands, and Second Class United States Citizenship. At some places you even get free pens.
We also have to examine our sense of compassion. These people come from a land where people are starving and no work is available in their land. That makes sense to me. So YES, I agree with Senator Ted Kennedy when he says that these people, by virtue of their work, should not be deported. They should be given a path to citizenship.
However, if employment is the source of citizenship, then we have to face the ugly truth: it’s time America did something about all of the poor people in this country. And the only fair and logical thing to do is: Deport them.
This may not be a popular idea, since they provide the most needed resource America needs in these trying times, Democratic votes, but the reality is we don’t need them. It cost thousands of dollars to feed and clothe a poor family on welfare – not to mention the high cost of government housing.
When you really look at it, being poor is a job skill you can pretty much do anywhere. So why NOT send them to Mexico?
Please don’t think I’m cruel. I wouldn’t want them to go against their will so we’d have to fool them into moving to Mexico. This would be easy since most of these people don’t have the sense to run away from a hurricane.
Popular marketing strategies would include:
“Look, no white people! Move to Mexico.”
“Hey, free food! Bring your appetite and your family. And your furniture. Move to Mexico.”
And the most popular…
“If you don’t do something now, George Bush is going to draft your kids. Move to Mexico.”
For a hundred bucks a month, we could support a family of four in luxury. They could enjoy small Mexican towns where the air is clean and the money goes a long, long way. In fact, in many cases, they would be the richest people in the neighborhood, thereby enhancing their self esteem.
You might be wondering, “Wouldn’t the Mexican government object to having these people on their land?” Of course not – because Mexico would know that these poor people came from a land where they were starving and there was no work available for them.
Eventually, they would have to make some changes. Government forms would have to be in English and in some cases – Ebonics. But otherwise, they would be delighted to begin bilingual classes, provide Mexican benefits, and free government healthcare. If we can take care of their poor, then certainly they could take care a few of ours, right?
Another part of this plan is that we’d have to seal the border once and for all. We couldn’t have our new Second Class Citizens trying to sneak back to Mexico and clean houses for the American poor. And we also couldn’t have the American poor coming back because then I’d have to pay big bucks for a Happy Meal.
If you like my idea, then please nominate me for President of the United States. I’m over 35 and a natural born citizen.
If you don’t like my idea then it’s only fitting you should track me down and give me a piece of your mind. I live in Mexico. You should come down here. it’s really nice. You could bring your family.
And your furniture.
Nice, I’ve got my eight kids in the car, I’ll send for the furniture later. Could you please send Senior Kennedy down at some point. We’ll need someone who really cares looking out for our interests.
Ahhhh. Nothing like some good, old-fashioned Democratic reasoning(rolls eyes) to make me glad I’m not one of them.
TeddyK: “Ahh bordahs ahh too wahd open to tayrists.”
FrankJ: “So, we should send back anybody who is in this country illegally, and enforce our immigration laws?”
TeddyK: “Whaht ahhh yooo?? Some kind of fascist????”
I’m totally willing to trade Teddy for ten USEFUL people from Mexico. Yes, Mexico would get the short end of the stick on that trade, but then they would have a reason to bitch about NAFTA.
O man RWD, there you go making sense again…why don’t you have a picture next to your editorial like Frank does???? My question is, since my hubby and I each make a middle class wage, but get taxed to lowerclass because we live in BLUE state, does that make us poor enough to move to Mexico, or are we still too rich, like when we apply for reduced school lunches or try to write off our rent on our taxes?
I suppose I should have submitted this one to Dr. Duck…(yes I know it’s the SAME guy, nobody correct me)
Are you really over 35??
Yes, I’m really over 35. Most people have a hard time accepting I’m a natural born citizen.
“You might be wondering, “Well then who built Mexico – That place is a crap hole.”
Yes, but Mexico was built by illegal aliens from Guatemala. ”
We built no crap hole there…! it was already like that!!!
All Osama needs to do is to sneak into the country, get a job at McDonalds, and soon Senator Kennedy (D-Night Train) will declare him to be a “distinguished American.” At which point, the Dems will no longer need to pretend that they disagree with al Qaeda.
This site is great. I just came across it last week and already I have to come back everyday, just to see what someone will say next. The people I work with think I’ve gone crazy, with all the laughing that I can’t quite suppress.
The funniest thing about this post is that if someone suggested this idea to most of those morons that are protesting for illegal immigrant “rights”, they would totally miss the point.
I hereby nominate RW Duck for President of the United States!
Seconded…
all in favor?
aye! but, i wish to know, can we all have free pudding on tuesdays? i love free pudding.
“Look! No white people!” LOL! Why don’t we just deport all the lefties to Mexico along with the ileagles?!? 😀 The govenment and police are already corrupt, and they are easy to take bribes? AND they hate white people. That sound like liberal heven. Mexico is half in ruins, let the dems finish it off: we can finally have our country back.
//aye! but, i wish to know, can we all have free pudding on tuesdays? i love free pudding.//
Can everyone join me in saying “HUH??”
Wait I’m here and I can’t find you…..
Wow! That makes much more sense than any of the Democrats lately… or ever. Count on my vote!
Mmm… pudding.
What about free flan everyday? Oops…
I’d vote for you, Ducky.
Why stop at president? I nominate Ducky for Supreme High Emperor of the Milky Way Galaxy.
All hail his Royal Downyness.
By the by, many things get better with age.
Fine. I will vote for you if pudding is one of your campaign talking points…and NO leeching off Bill Cosby; your pudding points must be original.
Oh and a big fat sacastic thanks for the poor moving to Mexico idea, we just got a notice that the rent we can’t write off on our taxes is GOING UP! Poopyhead.
And I forgot to add that the rent goes up when the poor people move out…boy I blew that joke. DAMN! Except of course our rent IS going up. Any one got an extra sixty a month they don’t need?
I like that: Supreme High Emperor of the Milky Way.
Any residency requirements?
“can we all have free pudding on tuesdays?”
Can we make that Wednesday instead? Wednesday’s are better for me.
Your Royal Downyness,
Since your intelligence is cosmic, your influence universal and your profile Fabio-esque who would even think about residency, should that be a problem. After all you have your own T shirt! And we won’t even mention anything about “lace.”:)
Wow, this is the single best idea I’ve ever heard… ever. I want you on the 2008 ballot.