Running a fascist state is harder than you think; in fact, most fascist states fail within the first decade. That’s why I feel it important to point out obvious failings of the new fascist America to help keep it healthy and oppressive. The most blatant (and loud) problem right now is the improper silencing of dissenters.
Honestly, my only experience with fascism is voting for Bush twice, but here is what I’ve observed. Obviously, speech is being oppressed, because we are constantly (and annoyingly) being told by liberals that their rights are being taken away and that dissent is being treated as treason. That might seem like a good start, but the problem is that people shouldn’t explicitly be able to say that they’re being oppressed. Everyone should know that already, and any who complains about it should be jailed or rounded up into camps for speaking out against the state. It’s really a huge rookie fascist state mistake not to do that. While curtailing civil liberties is a must, it is also crucial to quiet those who complain about that.
I know, you’re probably wondering, “If we quiet everyone who complains about out fascist evil, how will anyone know what’s being oppressed and thus what not to do?” That’s a good question. If I were a BusHitler, I’d disappear a few dissenters without admitting to it publicly. Then, people will whisper about it and be scared. Yes, you could be more explicit about it, but, not admitting to your oppressive actions makes your state that much more mysterious and feared. If people aren’t sure what evil oppression you are doing, it makes them that much more likely to fall into line since they can’t even comprehend the menace they are up against. That’s some strong fascism right there.
The other question comes up is whether dissenters should be jailed or put into reeducation camps. In some ways, that’s more a budgetary concern because camps can be more costly that just throwing someone in a dank hole and feeding him bread and water once a day. It’s best to judge that on a person by person basis, though. For instance, you may really want to throw Cindy Sheehan in a dank hole, but since she’s already so public, reeducation might work better. Actually, looking at Cindy’s mental acuity, all I think it would take is a lunch break to brainwash her into saying how much she loves her son’s sacrifice – and you’d still probably have time to finish off a tuna fish sandwich before going back out to crack the skulls of those who don’t love The Government.
Don’t forget to shutdown websites critical of The Government as well. Again, here is a good place to instill some fear. First, take down The Democratic Underground and DailyKos, putting up some blatant lies that they failed to pay to renew their URLs and have been bought by The Government. Also, make sure to disappear anyone involved with those sites you can hunt down. This will be a very conspicuous taking out of those who speak ill of the new fascism while denying anything was done. Again, this will cause more fear to shut up the rest.
Yes, fascism is hard, but I think I outlined a few simple steps to make things easier. And, though this itself could be seen as criticizing The Government, please don’t secretly arrest me. Then again, you have to start somewhere.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is a frequent contributor to IMAOPodcast.com. He is also the author of such books as “Patriotism for Dummies” and “I Unconditionally Love Our Government and You Should Too (If You Know What’s Good for You)”.
If I disented against this article would that consti
Phat Tony will not be posting anymore comments until after he has viewed the super fun “Why I love my country and IMAO” and also the “Dissent Equals Evil” films.
Really, would anyone miss those dissenting loons? It’s not like career protesters can actually be removed from the productive flow of society. As for where to put them…it’d be a shame to waste all that prime real estate on the moon!
Shutting up dKos an DU, sweet sweet Irony.
… we just need DK & DU to go after each other, in a hard-core sissy fight.
(Actually, if they so much as touch each other they swirl into non-existence … that will be sweet!)
Yes Yes this was hilariously funny, but be careful, those kooky moonbats who tend to look in on your sight from time to time may actually use your ideas. Remember they tried it with the Clinton-esque PC speech movement. That was a scary time. Thank God for term limits.
is it ok to want to see all the moonbats turned into moonbat toasties… without having to love the stoooopid government?
If you took all the moonbats i’ve read on DU …And put em in a blender one fine night …You know that would never match Franks sweet imagination …And everything he writes looks good in black and white
I’d borrow Glenn’s puppy blender and puree them.
Throw them in a dank hole? Nah. Just lock ’em in the basement and throw them some joints and a guitar. Just beware of hippie music-fests. Just keep a Slayer c.d. handy…it’s your best defense!
…throw Cindy Sheehan in a dank hole….
Funny. But I’ve always thought of Cindy Sheehan as a “dank hole”.
Giving advice like this shows that you follow in the advice to kings tradition like Machiavelli.
Just remember though, there will be no fun left if you get rid of them all.
The fun is worth even the occasional change of government.
“First, take down The Democratic Underground and DailyKos, putting up some blatant lies that they failed to pay to renew their URLs and have been bought by The Government.”
So is this what’s happening to AirAmerica? I knew the Bush Family Evil Empire was behind it.
Wow. I thought this site was just on big joke, until i read yours. i don’t believe you voted for bush, and unfortunately i don’t think many people will get your satire.
//Wow. I thought this site was just on big joke, until i read yours. i don’t believe you voted for bush, and unfortunately i don’t think many people will get your satire. //
Wow I thought your posts were just a couple of stupid jokes, but now I realize that you are just badly educated and I don’t think many people will understand WTF you’re talking about, you little twit. Cheesencrackers!! It’s called basic grammer, you doof; look it up!! F-ing A!!! What the frick!?! Are you like seven or something???
Shim… you misspelled grammar. 😉
//Shim… you misspelled grammar//
ARRRGGGHH!! Dammit I was pissed off!! Is that why the liberals sound so stupid? Are they that pissed off all the time?
Excellent advice, Mr. Frank.
I especially like your use of “disappear” as a transitive verb. Keep up the good work!