The FBI had said that members of known terrorist organizations have tried to get licenses to drive school buses but there is no reason to panic. Because, really, what’s to panic about? Extremists controlling a bus full of school children — how in the world could that be used for terror?
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I expect some people to panic, though. They’ll be yelling, “Why are our troops over in Iraq shooting insurgents when they should be here at home shooting bus drivers?” This is a good and rational question. People are often scared about the welfare of their children — especially if their children are being driven at high speeds by terrorists.
To help assuage everyone’s completely rational fears, I offer these tips to help kids deal with terrorism:
TIPS FOR KIDS FOR DEALING WITH TERRORISM
* Never trust strangers with candy; only trust strangers with bacon so you can be sure they are not Muslim extremists.
* If you suspect a teacher at school is a terrorist, contact the nearest authority. If you’re at a public school, then contact a fellow student since he’ll probably have a gun.
* To counter terrorist bus drivers, make sure to watch the movie Speed to see how someone with the IQ of a small child can handle a speeding bus with a bomb.
* If your PE teacher degrades and tortures you, that’s normal; it doesn’t mean he’s a terrorist.
* Just looking for Arabs is an ignorant and bigoted way to try and weed out terrorists. Terrorists can be Persians as well.
* While sometimes indicative of terrorism, a desire to kill lots of children just to prove a point is actually common among bus drivers.
One more:
* When the nice Middle-Eastern looking man only wants to learn how to pick up kids and drive fast, and cares not for dropping off kids or stopping, you may need to take notice.
One more:
* When the nice Middle-Eastern looking man only wants to learn how to pick up kids and drive fast, and cares not for dropping off kids or stopping, you may need to take notice.
Good one. I feel dumb for missing that one.
I used to ride in school buses driven by half sober hillbilly inbred hicks as I was growing up in Tennessee, so Moonbunny has been well versed in the training of attacking and subduing crazed bus drivers if the need arises. Her backpack doubles as a cudgel.
My children hate to ride the bus. They already think the bus drives are crazy, dim and creepy. Now they’ll be sure their terrorists. I’ll never be able to get them to ride the bus now.
That said forewarned is forearmed. I’d like to be able to arm my child. I’ve been to the local high school during passing period. Talk about putting you life on the line. People looking for thrills by running with the bulls, skydiving, climbing mountains and becoming mercenaries should teach high school instead. You get a salary, 3 months off, and face terror every day. What a rush!
Maybe we should change to biodiesel made from pork renderings (that’s what is left after you kill it, cut it up, cook it and make delicious sausage). We could make Algore happy and get the terrorists off of the buses. I just want to know if that would make Algore a racist?
* Just looking for Arabs is an ignorant and bigoted way to try and weed out terrorists. Terrorists can be Persians as well.
That’s a very valid point and one that rarely is brought up. Thank you for helping to clear up the ignorance rampant in our modern age.
Hee Hee Hee. The way some kids act on school buses these days, the parents will be begging the terrorists to keep the kids for a few weeks and the terrorists will be offering to pay to get rid of the kids.
With this is mind, I suggest all school districts take the cameras off the buses, encourage kids to expend any pent up energy or aggression on the bus before they get home or to school and that we fire all bus drivers who can prove they are legal citizens of the USA, while replacing them with anyone of eastern descent.
//When red lights flash, stop at least fifty feet away from the bus in case it explodes.//
EXPLODE!!! I don’t wanna explode!
MOONBUNNY
Besides the A-rabs and Persians, you left out those wacky Pakis, though most of them are here in NYC killing people in the back seats of their cabs with their B.O.