Ok, sorry to not do last week’s results show, busy being a housewife and actually keeping things clean around here, blah blah blah… I promise the wait will be almost worth it, because I’m going to hit some highlights right here.
So. much. to snark in that elimination episode. It’s like the entertainment gods looked at me and said, “SarahK, you had a rough week. This one is for you.” I did. It was rough, and I kinda took some time off from blogging and did the bare minimum and relaxed my head.
Nearly died, reevaluated things a little… Plus I got a new anticonvulsant. I didn’t like how dumb the Topamax made me, plus the constant nosebleeds and complete numbness of hands when it gets cold were inconvenient. The new drug makes me go to sleep, and since last Thursday I’ve been napping nonstop. I need a good simile there but can’t find one. I must be slipping. Anyway.
Ok, so Kellie Pickler. Wow.
KP: Yeah, Ryan, I’ve bought stuff with my new American Idol money. Shoes. Just shoes and sushi.
RYAN [staring right at Kellie’s giant Dollys]: Just shoes? Nothing else?
SARAHK: And a big giant rack to store those shoes on.
And the hair and eye makeup. Next she was going to audition for understudy in the Best Little Whorehouse in North Carolina. Or greeter at Dollywood.
And yeah, they put real live wolf spiders in that sushi. Eat up. Fu-haaaaaaaake.
She was classic fake Kellie. Except not as tone-deaf as usual, which was a little disappointing. And I didn’t like that she sang the song that she co-wrote for her runaway mom, because even I have a heart about that and can’t make fun. Plus, the song has about three notes, which is even hard for that virtuoso to screw up. Especially when she was singing it at the volume of a spider’s whisper.
Then there were the eliminations and the boo-hooers. Are you kidding me? Every time the camera flashed away from Sundance, he pulled the glycerin drops out of his pocket and applied the drops. It was so funny to watch him and that awful spanish moss that hangs from his chin (dude, it’s called pesticide, look into it), because when the camera panned to him, he blinked really hard to make sure every drop of real live salty tears squeezed out of his eyes.
Then Gina Glocksen. When Leslie Hunt got eliminated, you could hear Gina wailing from the bench. And I know why, and I don’t blame her. I know everyone keeps calling Leslie the psycho girlfriend or something because of that wide-eyed stare, but Leslie is probably the closest to normal girl there was in the competition. And when Leslie got kicked off, Gina was thinking that now she’s stuck with that Armpits and Hi-Fives Haley Scarnato and Antonella who thinks she’s Jennifer Hudson with a Paris Hilton twist. I might have wailed, too, knowing who’s left. Leslie seemed relatively normal. Especially when she sang her last song and ended it with, “Why did I scat? America don’t like jazz!” That was fantastic, and I wanted her back. I want her for my next door neighbor, actually. She’s way too young to live in our neighborhood, though. But dear Gina. Get ahold of yourself. If you love her that much, exchange digits. Keep in touch. K-I-T.
Nick Pedro. No surprise there, he was so boring last week. But AJ Tabaldo? Even I was on board with his performance and took back all the fun-making from the previous week, and when he went home, and Brandon and that awful giant white tennisshoes wearing Carlton Jared with the argyle sweaters and the “Let’s Get it On” to his Grandma dedication got to stay, I was so disappointed.
The girls. Leslie, not really a surprise. Not a good song choice, and she didn’t have one of the stronger voices. Should have been Queen of the Armpits. Also Alaina went home. Ticktock, no shock. Oh, but she could not get through her song, because she is just going to miss her new bffs sooo much. So she gave it up. Sang about three seconds of the song and then practically threw down the microphone so she could hug everyone. Say, sweetie, you know you’ll get to see them after the show, right? I mean, for about five minutes until you have to clear out your hotel room and they have to pick out their songs for next week. But show some decorum.
I think that covers it. Now onto tonight.
UPDATE: I’m watching it again. It was that good. This is the 3rd or 4th watch for me. I’d forgotten that on “Joy to the World”, the group song, they had AJ sing the line, “You know I love the ladies…” I cracked up. I will not elaborate on why, because I’m really sad he left the show, I think he would have worked for it, and he left earlier than he should have. Oh, he was classy when Ryan told him he was leaving, too. AJ asked if he was shocked that he was leaving and not Sanjaya. AJ said something like, “No, I think he’s great.” That was cute at the end of his song when he said, “Call me.” Yes, Broadway. Call him, he’ll be great there. I’m not kidding. He’s perfect for Broadway. And Chris Richardson still forgot to use the microphone during the group sing. He did better tonight in the top 8, though. I’ve decided I don’t like Jordin Sparks. She’s always grinning like someone just gave her a brand-new puppy, no matter what. Oh yes. Alaina, when she got the ax. When Ryan read back Simon’s comment that she “ran out of steam”, Alaina leveled her eyes on Simon and said, “Clever.” Like he had tried to come up with the most witty quip and failed. No, sweetie, he just said what you did, and no need to be clever. I loved when she accidentally cut the mic cord, and all the sound went out. You couldn’t hear a word of Paula’s Wisdom for Life. I guess we’ll never know. sniff

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