Although Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush was snubbed by the University of Florida for an honorary degree, he was still granted the immensely-less-impressive honor of being named an “honorary alumnus”. Here are some of the other prestigious accolades he’s been awarded:

• The Nobel Pathetic Prize.
• Honorary Chicago Bears 2007 Superbowl Quarterback.
• Losers Anonymous Lifetime Achievement Award.
• The Jason Alexander “No, Really, I’m More Than Just Seinfeld’s Fluffer” Trophy.
• Best Actor for the movie “299”.
• The “Seriously, You Don’t Look a DAMN thing like George H.W. – Is Michael Moore Your Real Father?” Certificate of Questionable Parentage.
• Honorary Robin from the Justice League of America.
• The Nobel Pathetic Prize.
• Rowdy Frat Boys of America Puke-litzer.
• Boy Scouts of America “Whizzing Out The Campfire” Merit Badge
• Girl Scouts of America “Cookie Queen” Sash
• The Dan Rather “Integrity In Broadcasting” Ribbon.
• The Harvey, RightWingDuck, Cadet Happy, Spacemonkey, Laurence Simon, SarahK, and Aquaman Medallion of Overshadowed Excellence.
• The Congressional Medal of Whatever

Well, as long as he doesn’t get the Ted Kennedy Driver’s School Diploma, he’s all right in my book.

Iran now claims that the British Sailors and Marines that it took hostage a few days ago have confessed to invading Iranian territorial waters. Well, assuming this is true – and what possible reason could we have to doubt the Iranians? – you HAVE to wonder what excuse the British government will come up with for being there.
I speculate thusly:

• There was a lot of heavy betting on the camel races and they didn’t trust their bookie to pay off.
• Trying to unload a shipment of genuine, licensed, “300”-logo burkas.
• Ship’s mascot – Fluffy the Cat – needed a litterbox refill.
• Took Carter’s advice on how to get a free 444 day vacation.
• Iraq, Iran… you can’t catch EVERY typo.
• Helpless to steer away from the seductive, siren-like song of Iranian saber-rattling.
• Tweaking the Iranians noses by showing them what an unsunk Navy looks like.
• Came to deliver humanitarian aid in five megaton increments.
• They simply drifted off course because the ship’s navigator was distracted by a piquant cup of Earl Grey.
• Investigating the connection between global warming and camel flatulence.
• Thought there was a big tent sale going on and wanted to take advantage of the low, low prices.
• Responding to Grail-shaped beacon
• Just comin’ by to Rock the Casbah, baby!
• Falkland flashbacks. Please disregard.
• Bush said “just give us an excuse”. What were we SUPPOSED to do? He paid in crumpets for God’s sake!
• Wanted to borrow a cup of crazy from Ahmadinejad.

And whatever you do, don’t add your own speculation in the comments.
Wouldn’t want to risk inflaming the “Arab Street” ya know.