Hey, America! You’re in control. This is American Idol.
Yes, you’re so in control that Sanjaya will sing your favoritest songs tonight. Sing you a little lullaby.
Paula is giggly on her intro. That should be good for seal claps and Paula super crazy factor. Right off the bat, she tells the contestants to picture Simon nude. She admits to Simon that she does so.
Oh bother. It’s the ’60s night. British invasion work-in, but I’m sure they can sing whatever they want. Peter Noone and Lulu are here. Ok, so let’s review. ’60s night. Sunday night it took me over an hour to get to sleep. Tonight, I think I’ll take an American Idol-brand sedative.
01 Haley Scarnato is singing “Tell Him” in hoo-hah shorts and an armpit blouse. With high-heels. I don’t understand the shorts and high-heels thing. And there’s a big armpitty high-five. Her entire back is bare. It was so boring and lackluster for me. I can’t even snark much, because there was just nothing there. America will forget her by the end of the night. Bottom three without a doubt this week. Standing ovation? Do the people in the audience have buzzers on their seats that require that they shoot up at the end of the song? RANDY: Yo yo, Haley’s back, best ever from you (??), definite YO factor, baby! Have my puppies! Haley’s back in the competition! PAULA: You had a girlish quality, you flirted, you were adorable, good for you! SIMON: I used the “minx” word on Kellie Pickler last year, so I have to go with you naughty little thing. Young, fun, a little shrieky in the middle, but everyone will talk about a lot more than your singing tonight. SARAHK: You mean the armpits and jiggly bits? And the giant saucers that are hanging from her ears? For me, it went on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and… you get the point. My eyes are already heavy.
Archive of entries posted on 20th March 2007
Now He’ll Just Be a Mean Tease If He Doesn’t Run
Remember this Fred Thompson fact:
“Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.”
If you thought I was making things up, here’s Fred Thompson telling us what he thinks about the Mexican government.
Foreign leaders should realize that it’s a very bad thing if Fred Thompson knows your name.
A Drug That Eliminates Tragic Events?
Drudge is linking to an article that shows amazing progress in the field of mental health. It turns out that scientists are working on a new drug that can help remove painful memories. As a Doctor myself, I’m always happy to see new medicines come along to offer help and comfort.
I understand some of you are on a budget, or maybe you need relief right away.
May I make a recommendation?
The Iraq War Is Nothing But a Huge Waste
An Editorial by Frank J.
As I see images of the Iraq war on TV, I can’t help but think what a huge waste it all is. So many promises were made before it all started, but they are so hollow now. The other day, I met a soldier returning from Iraq, and I asked him, “What do you think you’re doing over there?”
He told me, “We’re helping the Iraqi people become free and secure.”
Of course, I then spat on him. My car doesn’t run on democratically elected Iraqis.
We were told this was a war for oil. That’s something I could get behind. It was something I could understand. I pay tax money, and, in return, the government sends rough men out to seize cheap oil on my behalf. It’s been four years; we should have sucked the place dry by now. Instead, we were trying to do what? Create a democratic Iraq? It’s a war, not a social science project!
“My car doesn’t run on democratically elected Iraqis.”
I have heard from numerous troops how much they like helping the Iraqi. Well, I guess it’s all well and fine then if they enjoy it. Then again it is on my dime. What do you soldiers think you were given assault rifles for? So you could hand out books to school children? So I’m supposed to sit here at tolerate rising gas prices while my tax money is going to fund the military acting like the international version of the book mobile?
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When the did the military ever get it in its head that it’s supposed to help people? The only thing it’s supposed to help people do is kick the oxygen habit. We fund our soldiers for one purpose and one purpose only: To kill foreigners. All of them. I don’t care what their race, creed, or religion is; if they are foreign, then make them dead. Our sovereignty and our gas budgets are going to always be at risk as long as foreignness are allowed to exist. That’s why the founding father formed a standing army and sent them out with but one instruction: Kill! Thus, it should be of no concern to our troops whether a foreigner is free or not free. They should only judge foreigners as dead or not dead.
Really; there are no shades of gray here. It’s just a binary equation. If a foreigner is in state “not dead” then change him to state “dead.” If “dead,” then move on. It’s so simple, an elementary computer program could do it. Actually, there is no reason we can’t have robots with quite basic programming roaming the country side killing foreigners; is there like some union for the military that keeps troops from being replaced with machines? If not, just give me some grant money and I’ll make you those robots. They’ll constantly refuel themselves by eating small children. Then, if anyone complains about the kill-bots, you can just say, “Sorry. We can’t do anything about them. They’ve gone crazy and their out of our control.”
I think that’s something people would be proud to have their tax money fund.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam” and “Children Are Our Future of Alternative Fuel”.
The Media Went Liberal? How Did They Have Time with All the War Protesting?
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Surprising to no one but idiots, most Americans think the media has a liberal bias — including a significant percentage of Democrats. Really, who could be so obtuse as to think the media is right-leaning? Are left-wingers so hostile to alternative viewpoints that the merest hint of facts opposed to their thinking makes them freak out and cry foul?
To accept that, one has to believe an extreme, cartoonish stereotype of liberals. Sure, it’s a stereotype based in reality and solid fact — but its a cartoonish stereotype nonetheless. Thus we… uh…
I was so sure I had a point. Well, I reason through the issues enough already; come up with your own concluding point in the comments.