Ryan says the two important questions are who will go home and how Sanjaya will wear his hair. Then Ryan comes out in a faux-hawk wig. I’m not sure who pulled it off better. I give them both an A for effort. Did I just say that? I’m off my game, yes?
They do the recap.
I think if Haley doesn’t go home, it will be Chris Sligh. That makes me sad, because he shouldn’t be going home yet. But he’s been so safe lately. 🙁
Bad Ford commercial is “I Fought the Law”, and it’s actually good! I enjoyed it, anyway.
Blake is safe.
LaKisha is safe.
Phil is in the bottom three.
Melinda is safe. What? Chris R. is making fun of her with the surprised face. That is so cute.
And Chris R. is safe! Yay!
Sanjaya is not being thrown out with the Bath Water, he is safe. Come on, someone had to make the pun. He sang the song, not me.
Haley is in the bottom three.
Jordin is safe.
So it’s to Gina and to Chris Sligh. If Chris is in the bottom three, I think my bottom three prediction is 100% accurate tonight. Lemme go check. Yep.
And now we go to break, and Gwen Stefani is going to perform, and Chris and Gina have to sit through it not knowing. Gina gets so emotional.
American Idol “Challenge”: Which of Bo Bice, Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks was dubbed the “Velvet Teddy Bear”? Hrm. I entered the first week, I should start entering these again so Frank and I can have a shot to go to the finale.
Gwen Stefani is out to perform. Is that Mekhi Phifer with her? A-Con? A-Kon? I don’t understand his name, but anyway, he’s going on tour with her. You know, I don’t enjoy her music most of the time (it’s just not my type), and her voice is not my favorite (she stays in that low range almost exclusively), and I don’t like the hoo-hah shorts, but–I know I keep saying this–she seems like a genuinely nice person. And she is a true performer, and I love to watch people who love what they do. She oozes that.
Gwen will be back for the AI charity thing next month.
Publix Ginger Ale is $2 a 12 pack this week, and I like Publix Giner Ale. So you know.
Chris Sligh is in the bottom three.
Phil is safe. Now it’s Chris or Haley going home. Simon says it’s Chris going home. I fear he may be right, but I stick by my prediction.
Chris is going home, and Haley gets to stay. Shame. I’m sad. I hope he gets picked up for TV (American Idol host? Just kidding, Ryan, you know I love you.) or maybe by a Christian label.
Sanjaya and Haley remain, and Chris is gone. But you know what? This means there is something bigger and better in store for Chris and his lovely wife.
Archive of entries posted on 28th March 2007
You’d Think Hillary Could Teach Her Staff to Lie Better
Now that Hillary Clinton has received the endorsement of Iowa governor Tom Vilsack, it’s been revealed that the Hillary campaign had promised to pay off the $400,000 in debt Vilsack built up during his campaign for the White House. I love this statement at the end of the news story:
The [Hillary] campaign said there is no connection between Vilsack’s endorsement and their commitment to help pay off his campaign debt.
As insulting as that statement is to our intelligence, why couldn’t Hillary campaign have said:
“The reason Hillary is paying off Vilsack’s campaign debt is because whoever is reading this is both stupid and ugly.”
It has about the same effect.
UPDATE:
For the record, my endorsement will only cost $100,000.
In My World: Never Negotiate with Democrats
After a long day of shooting and getting shot at in Iraq, Buck the Marine headed back to camp. When he got there, he ran into the last thing he wanted to deal with… Democrats!
“We’re here to support the troops,” Harry Reid said with Nancy Pelosi standing behind him smiling her eerie, inhuman smile.
This can’t be good, Buck thought but didn’t say, trying to be respectful to the things from Congress. They were part of the federal government who paid for the Buck’s bullets which he would then deposit into foreigners. “I appreciate the support.”
“Let’s add to the ‘Support the Troops’ bill that I get Buck’s Nintendo DS.”
“Not so fast!” Nancy shrieked. “You don’t get our support so easily!”
“We have to get something out of it first!” Reid looked Buck over and pointed to the object in Buck’s hand. “What’s that?”
“It’s a Nintendo DS. It has a touchscreen,” Buck explained. “When I get bored because there’s no shooting, I shoot people on it.”
“Well, I want it!” Reid turned to Pelosi. “Let’s add to the ‘Support the Troops’ bill that I get Buck’s Nintendo DS.”
Pelosi wrote in a notepad. “And I want his DVDs. We’ll put that in the bill too.”
“Hey! You can’t just take my stuff!”
“We’re just trying to support the troops!” Reid seized Buck’s rifle. “Until we’re allowed to support the troops in our own way, you get no funding! That means no rifle and no bullets!”
“But that’s what I use to kill for’ners!”
“And take off that body armor!” Pelosi yelled. “We’re renting that, but you don’t get it anymore until our demands are met.”
Buck took off the body armor. “This seems like an odd way to support the troops.”
Reid grabbed the body armor. “Are you questioning our patriotism?!”
“No; I’m sorry.” Buck thought for a moment. “So, if I give you guys my Nintendo DS and my DVDs, will you give me my rifle and body armor back?”
Pelosi nodded. “Exactly… but we also want $24 million for sugar beets.”
“Uh… sugar beets?”
“And $640 million for LIHEAP!” Reid said.
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“You don’t need to.” Reid adjusted his tie. “All you need to know is that’s part of what it will cost to get us to support the troops.”
“I don’t have that kind of money; I’m just a simple Marine who likes shooting for’ners.”
Pelosi smiled to the point that it looked like her skin was going to snap. “If you want to continue your mission here, you better tell Bush to give us everything we demand!”
“Well… I’ll try.” Buck was upset, but politics wasn’t his job. Shooting foreigners was. “If you get everything you ask for, I can get my rifle back?”
Reid nodded. “Yes, you’ll get our support and your funding… assuming you agree to surrender.”
“Surrender? To you?”
“No, to… uh…” Reid thought for a moment. “Whoever it is you’re supposed to be fighting here.”
Buck was starting to get upset. “But I don’t want to surrender!”
“Then you get no funding and you’ll die here!” Reid shouted. “Muh ha ha ha!”
“Our demands must be met if you troops want any chance to survive!” Pelosi screamed. “Everything we want is outlined here!” She handed a list of demands to Buck.
He scanned through them. “A hundred million in unmarked bills and a fueled helicopter waiting for you! And a list of political prisoners you want released!” Buck glared at the two Democrats. “Are you sure you’re not terrorists?”
Reid laughed. “We’re Democrats; there’s well established precedent of negotiating with Democrats when we threaten the livelihood of Americans!”
Buck shook his head. “I’m never going to understand politics.”
American Idol Six – Top Ten
Ok, more detailed now. I’ll put what I quickie-wrote last night in italics and add the exhaustive tediousness.
Ryan says Gwen Stefani is supplying the song list tonight, which takes away some of my confusion, because I wondered what kind of disaster it would be with only about two contestants having the body and charisma to pull off Gwen Stefani and No Doubt songs. So it’s Gwen Stefani, No Doubt, and bands that inspired them like The Police, The Cure, and Donna Summer (?).
I don’t normally read anything anyone else has written before I write up my bit, but my initial impressions are already out there and aren’t going to change. I thought Gwen Stefani was great. Funny thing is, she dresses and dances like a skank on stage, and if she were an Idol contestant, I would probably have her at the bottom of the list for her skankiness but at the top of the list for her personality. She just seems like a nice person. And on-stage persona notwithstanding, for some reason she comes across to me as a classy broad. I don’t know why. Now since I’ve had my morning Oreos and done my morning reading before writing this, I’ve read what other people had to say. I don’t know why everyone was hating on Gwen last night. I read that she didn’t say anything, or that she had no critiques, or just stood there, blah blah. Y’all do get that they had 10 singers in 67 minutes last night, right? Cut in with your standard 87 minutes of commercials and promos for EVIL AT&T Wireless, and you’re left with about 60 seconds of song, 60 seconds of judging, 30 seconds of Seacrest blather, and 5 seconds of contestant intro. Oh, not to mention that they now have Inane Viewer Email of the Week to answer and Gratuitous Shot of One of the Nigels “Dancing” in the Audience of the Week to show. So maybe y’all should think about it a little, cut sweet skanky Gwen some slack, and realize that the producers gave her the short end of the stick and probably cut out 95% of what she said and just popped in the quick little sit-down interview. She might actually have coached them while they were at the piano, but since she only got her 5 seconds, they just showed the leopard chair part.
Contestants, feel free to email me if I’m wrong. I know you read here, because some of you take my advice. I promise to keep you anonymous so the producers don’t fire you. (sarahk47~at~gmail~dot~com).
Also feel free to email if you know why I got all up on my soapbox (it makes me sound less haughty if I call it a soapbox than if I call it a high horse, right?) to defend Gwen Stefani, who doesn’t need my help and probably couldn’t care less about AI, despite her proclamations of excitement about most of the contestants. And who wore a sweater that had a picture of belt-suspenders on it.
Moving on. Ok, Gwen says it’s not about the voice for her, it’s about the contestants’ personalities and styles. Kind of like with her. “Don’t Speak” is really the only song of hers I’ve ever thought was one I’d like to sing at karaoke.
Perspective
A Who’s Your Favorite Chickenhawk poll. I have to disagree with the blender and go with Ben.
American Idol tonight
Ok, we’re just watching straight through, I’ll have to blog it in the morning, because I dragged my husband out shopping for three hours tonight, so I’m being a good girl and doing a quick watch-through… blah blah blah…
All I have to say right now, though…
Wow, THE GLOCK. She was outstanding, I was so proud of her (ok, honestly I hated the dress, the boots were a’ight, but I LOVED the performance).
Idols 03. Vote it!
Oh my. As I was typing this, Sanjaya walked out with his faux-hawk, as Paula just called it. I hate to say this: it was his best performance even though he forgot the words and had that hair thing going on.
Wow, Haley isn’t wearing sleeveless and didn’t show her armpits. I almost am tempted to vote for her. Would never do, no, but I’m so thankful about the armpits.
Ok, I’m signing off unless someone else knocks me off my feet.
Vote for THE GLOCK!
UPDATE: Idols 10… Chris Richardson was totally knocking my socks off until he forgot a couple of words near the end. Mouth agape and everything, chest clutcher until then. Chris, please remember, though: the microphone stays at your mouth. If your body bobs up and down, the arm with the mic moves in motion with your head. If you’re using a mic stand, you must bob only the body, keep the mouth stationary, or no bobbing. You have quite enough vibrato without leaving out entire notes due to mic loss.
Quick lineup:
03 The Glock. Mwah. I was so happy when I heard your song choice. Perfect song for you, very well sung, heartfelt and emotional. You win tonight. But no more painted on bronze dresses, please. I heart you, but I could have plucked you off the stage and used you to decorate one of my plant ledges with the metallics you were painted into tonight. I hate to even go negative at all on you because I loved your performance so much, and it was your best so far, but I can’t not talk about that dress. Say, next week how about “Hello” or “My Immortal” by Evanescence? But I’m not sure you can hit those high notes, so either stay away from those songs, or lower them a couple of clicks.
10 Chris Richardson. See above.
07 Melinda. Don’t listen to Simon. The outfit was fine. I love that you dress modestly and don’t feel the need to let it all hang out, unlike Baby-Feeder LaKisha.
01 Lakisha. Enough with the baby feeders. We get it. They’re gigantic. Do you want us to give them their own zip code or something? Rah rah, you have big boobies. Yay for you. I do applaud that most of the rest of you was covered, and other than that, I liked the outfit. And this was your best performance in weeks. I’m starting to like you again. If you would just do something about your boobs.
WH Phil. Thanks for pinning your ears down. Made you more watchable. Oh, come on, I’m not the only one thinking it, just the only one saying it. Y’all would be thanking me for wearing support hose and girdles if I were up there. Except for a few screechy notes, you were quite good until the end, and then you got all freaky weird when you did your own thang, dawg. That’s when it became a gigantic mess, and my face scrunched up in horror. Until then, I had you above LaKisha. I was going to give your number out and everything.
02 Chris Sligh. Sleeping pill. Please throw in at least one vocal backflip in the next performance. I’m giving up on you. I’m glad you got your humor back in the pre-talk, thank you, but what’s with the boring vocals? You can’t phone it in every week, or you won’t last much longer.
09 Jordin – Nice picnic basket you were wearing, Raggedy Ann. Also vocally the worst performance out of her in weeks. If Disney’s what you do best, just do Disney. How about “Part of Your World”? You haven’t done that one yet. I’m kidding, don’t do it. People will laugh at you, and that’s one of my all-time favorite Disney songs. You can never live up to the original, or to my singing-in-the-car version. I rock at that song, baby.
04 Sanjaya. Whatever. Stick around. You’re growing on us, and you know we’re making fun of you. Now you’re just there for the laughs, and you know it, and you know we know it, and you know we know you know it. And even Seacrest and the judges are openly joking about it on-air, so as long as no one is pretending that you’re there because you’re the next Aretha or Whitney or Celine, whatever. I don’t care anymore.
08 Blake – What were the judges on about with that boring performance? Even Sanjaya was more enjoyable. Could y’all hear me yawning on the left coast?
05 Haley. I have nothing to say.
Gwen Stefani. Wow, she’s beautiful. And very nice. She came across as a class act.