It has not been a good day for me so far. First, I went out to steal the neighbor’s newspaper as I do every morning, but I had to run back inside when I got shot at by terrorists. Ends up the whole country is overrun with them because the Democrats turned the emergency war funds bill into nothing but pork, leaving national defense to spinach and sugar beets — who frankly aren’t up to the task.
Now the terrorists were clawing at my door. Afraid that one would eventually figure out how to use the doorknob, I called the police. Ends up, though, the police didn’t have the funds to come help me. The whole economy has been depressed since Rosie O’Donnell got all the steel mills shut down by calling them liars and claiming they don’t actually do anything in them since fire can’t melt steel.
Well, I was frustrated. I decided I’d try and relax by having a nice bubble bath with my rubber ducky… but my rubber ducky was nowhere to be found! Ahmadinejad had taken him claiming he had wandered into Iranian waters.
I hope Fred Thompson comes and saves us soon.

According to the Russians, the US is looking for a way to deliver a strike against Iran “that would enable the Americans to bring the country to its knees at minimal cost.”
Last I checked, rocket fuel and uranium are relatively cheap.
[Hat tip: NickQueen.com]