After much analyzation of the problems in the Middle East and all the violence there, I think I’ve come upon a simple solution: Remove all the Muslims.
Isn’t it short-sighted to blame Islam for violence in the Middle East? Isn’t, in fact, the culture in the Middle East to blame for much of the problems?
That’s a good point. There are many peaceful, successful Muslims who live in America (which is another argument why relocating is good for Muslims). Still, this all comes down to an issue of practicality, and the fact is it’s feasible for us to move a large number of Muslims, but we have no idea how to move a culture.
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Won’t Muslims be resistant to being moved from their holy land, especially Mecca?
Tell me where in the Bible it says you can’t relocate Mecca. I think we can make this a peaceful move. Let’s use cruise ships to move the Muslims, because who is going to refuse the offer of a free cruise? We can fill the cruise ships with things Muslims love to do, such as giving them inflatable Jews to kill.
Where would me move the Muslims to?
I’m thinking Europe. A lot of Muslims have already moved there, so it won’t take much adjusting for the new arrivals.
Won’t we just have violence coming out of Europe, then?
Europe is nice; it will be such a relief after the harsh desert living that I’m sure all the Muslims will calm down and learn to be friends with each other without killing.
What about the Europeans?
We’ll send them to the Middle East.
Won’t they be resistant to that?
They’re a bunch of wusses. We’ll just slap them around a bit and they won’t put up a fight.
And you’ll think they’ll be fine in the Middle East?
They are kinda useless, so I would expect a number of them to die from the harsh desert living… but circle of life and all that. The survivors better learn how to get us our oil before we get mad, though.
And what if the Europeans in the Middle East are resistant to giving us oil?
Then we bomb the crap out of them; let’s not make this more complicated than it is.
Seems like you thought of everything.
I always do. So let’s get moving on this and get us some peace, yo.
Brilliant! We can stop with the NATO stuff and bring our boys home from Europe and we don’t have to have our guys in the Middle East anymore and we can bring them home also! We can then station our military on the Canadian border to make sure we are secured from the godless commie hordes–except for Hillary and her staff of course. You are way ahead of the curve once again, Frank!
I have an alternative idea. Antarctica is empty, so we won’t have to move anyone away from there. Send the Moslems to Antarctica, and surviving will give them something to do. We then send the Mexicans to the Middle East to pump the oil we don’t want to pump.
We give the Mexicans employment, eliminate the illegal alien problem, and provide the Moslems with interesting new scenery and climate to deal with.
I am against bringing the troops home from anywhere. I think we need to relax the ROE on these guys and watch the havoc. Then, short of Nuking the Moon, we’ll have put the world on notice. Then we can bring them home… to fight the war here. The war on Liberals. Bring ’em home just like they did in WW2, too. A ship right into NY. Talk about a target-rich environment.
Oh yeah, and the thing Frank said. Or Writer. They are both succulent variations on a very delicious dish.
You are all being shortsighted, and if I may say so, intolerant and insenstive. It has me troubled.
First, Frank, you have failed to account for the possibility that Europeans, being somewhat less stalwart than North Americans or Australians, will quickly turn into Muslims once they get to the desert and start smelling camels. That was very insensitive to the camels. Don’t you care about animals?
And Writer, we cannot send Muslims (not “Moslems”, you insensitive clod) to Antarctica. We need Antarctica for Global Warming research, and if you put a bunch of Muslims there it would mess up all the science by dirtying the place all up.
And DesertEliphant, you are missing the obvious: after the troops have their way with the Armies of the Living Allah or whatever, the place they’ve just emptied can then be opened for homesteading. No need to bring them home, ’cause they’ll already be home, in the new MidEast Territories.
And then Fred Thompson will rule as King.
It all makes sense, if you just take a moment to walk a mile in the other fellow’s sandals.
Here’s a better suggestion, and in keeping in-theme with this site:
We send the muslims to the moon! We could incinerate them, thus packing about 10-20 million per booster payload. If we do it right, the incineration process could also be used to fire coal-burning power plants. Now I realize that shit don’t burn as well as coal, but with the new found oil reserves we could just add a little gas and a few dozen illegal messicans to every 1000 muslims/islamics, and that should do the trick. I also thought of calling a huge gathering in mecca, then nuke the creeps to dust, but that might accidently kill camels/goats/mosquitoes/cockroaches whom all have a much more usefull place in the foodchain! And in advance of criticism(s) for insensitivity, I’d like to apologize to honest hard-working AMERICANIZED (no hyphenation !!!) muslims/hispan-hics. You can stay here, but you even think of straying off the American path and it’s off to lunar city with your sorry asses.
Dude! You are totally recycling my idea of moving all of the Jews from Israel to Cuba (after moving the Cubans to Mexico).
I’d point you to the link on my blog, but it’s uhh, crashed and stuff.
But you’re a bigger blogger than me, so I guess it’s ok. For now. But you gotta buy dinner next time I visit.
Yeah _Jon? Well you stole my idea of moving all the American Indians onto reservations.
Didn’t oil come from dead dinosaurs who were buried? I’m thinkin’ that A = We are running low on oil & B = 100 Billion or so Muslims live in areas where oil use to be plentiful C = 100 Billion of anything buried long enough has got to produce clean burning energy for uncle Sam for years to come. A + B + C =? I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin!
I just noticed the map/dart/mecca thing. Why don’t we move mecca (of course after we Nuke the existing one first!) to say 500 miles east offshore of Afreaka, then make the lifelong sojourn there not only mandatory, but annual. We give them snorkels, chum the waters like crazy, and force them to march there. This will:
A. Feed all kinds of aquatics.
B. Reduce the compelling idiocy to become muslim/pisslamic.
C. Reduce global warming (less oxygen thieves, CO2 producers)
D. Reduce America’s foriegn aid.
E. Save American Soldiers lives.
F. Create millions of jobs for America’s illegals.
G. Boost sales of chum and snorkels.
H. Make for GREAT viewing on the Animal channel, (Man Vs. Predator clips!!!
I think you’re onto something tweaking my suggestion. And how can I expect our troops to dispatch the Liberals that I myself am Unwilling to dispatch. It’s time we stopped depending or hoping for the military to take care of this Liberal problem. It’s a war at home and should be fought with much vigor and ammo by those on the homefront.
Though, if they try to bring the troops home before the job is done over there, I’m sure we’ll have professional military assistance in the endeavor. At least, in the fevered Kossack mind.